Jokes For Today

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts they started across the country road until they came to a cemetary. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts. The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their nuts into one big pile. In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys proceeded to divide the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me." As, they were doing this another boy was passing by and heard them. He looked into the cemetary, but couldn't see the boys, because they were hidden by the oak tree. He hesitated for a moment then ran back to town. "Dad, Dad!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetary - come quick!" "What's the matter?" his father asked. "No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Come with me!" The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetary. They stopped at the road and all fell silent for a minute. Then the father asked his son what was wrong. "Did you hear that?" he whispered. They both listened intently and finally heard the scouts. "One for you, one for me. One for you...." The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!" The father was skeptical but silent --- until a few moments later as the Scouts finished dividing out the nuts and one said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts by the road, we'll have them all."

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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began "I can explain". "Just be quiet." said the officer, "I am going to let you sit in jail and cool your heels until the cheif gets back.... "But Officer, I just wanted to say....." "And I said to keep quiet! Your going to jail!" yelled the officer. A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you the cheif is at his daughter's wedding. He should be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell, "I'm the groom".

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