Rejection Hurts...Literally

Rejection Hurts - Literally

By Larry Axmaker, EdD, PhD

The survival of the human race has relied largely on the ability of diverse personalities to get along together, work together, and develop supportive social groups. Sociologists believe that humans are motivated to form stable, lasting relationships with others. So, when you are rejected or excluded from the group, the results can be traumatic.

Recent research has shown that the human brain responds to social rejection much the same way it does to physical pain. To the brain, pain is pain - whatever the cause. Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) was used to monitor brain activity during experiments. The MRI results for activities where rejection was instituted showed similar brain activity to actual physical pain situations.

In another study, college students who were socially rejected in a carefully controlled laboratory setting became hostile and aggressive toward the person rejecting them - even though the rejection was only part of a game they all agreed to play.

Common sense would dictate that the best way to overcome social rejection would be to be pleasant and friendly to others, be helpful, and strive to improve relationships. In the research studies discussed here, the results were nearly the opposite - rejection triggered anger and aggression.

Even the fear of rejection can trigger aggression in social situations. Young children and teens are more likely to become physically aggressive; adults more likely verbally aggressive. However, occurrences of violence such as mass shootings have been traced to social or employment rejection in adults.

Can Aggressive Response to Rejection be Avoided?
Rejection is common in social situations from pre-school and continues throughout life. Children who have been rejected or disliked in school often display long-term anti-social or aggressive behaviors. Children involved in good peer relationships have fewer aggressive behaviors as adults.

Types of helpful, inclusive activities for children-

* Organized and supervised group activities

* Social problem-solving training

* Peer mediated interventions

* Self-management training - including anger management

* Peer or adult coaching

* Supportive and loving family interactions

Overcoming rejection for adults-

* Counseling - build self esteem, confidence

* Participation in supportive groups - social, sports, religious, interest

* Focusing on strengths

* Learning from social situations - when rejection occurs, don't repeat that behavior/situation

* Sharing feelings with family and friends

* Staying positive - a can-do attitude

If someone in your life shows unusually aggressive, angry, or withdrawn behavior, encourage that person to get professional help - even if it's you.

God will not reject you because of your weaknesses or mistakes. He desires to heal you from past hurts caused by rejection. He wants you to know He will never reject you.

All whom My Father gives (entrusts) to Me will come to Me; and the one who comes to Me I will most certainly not cast out [I will never, no never, reject one of them who comes to Me].
- JOHN 6:37