Life Lessons

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

And some more life lessons:

Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.

Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.

A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Money isn't everything....there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.

Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.

A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor's.

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

If you don't know where you're going, you're never lost.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

You are worthy.

Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

To not set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future.

By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give.

Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other. Do not be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is too hold it too tightly.
In addition, the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Do not dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.