Bad Day

You know it is a bad day when:

You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting at your office.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Your income tax check bounces.

Your pet rock snaps at you.

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a
group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

You wake up and your braces are locked together.

Your blind date or your E-Harmony match turns out to be your ex-wife.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

Your wife says "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

Your car costs more to fill up that it did to buy.

Airline food starts to taste good.

Your parents totally approve of the person you are dating.

Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate and soda.

Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.

Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

You realize that you just sprayed bug spray under your arms instead of deodorant.

You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.

You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

You start to put up the clothes you wore home from the party last night....... and there aren't any.

You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed.

Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.

Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.

You need one bathroom scale for each foot.

You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it.

Nothing you own is actually paid for.

You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.

You receive a 150 page instruction booklet on how to save money...from the electric company.

You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.

You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.

Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.

Everyone loves your driver's license picture.

You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.

The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.

You look out the window of the airplane and the B.F. Goodrich Blimp is gaining on you.

People think you are 40...and you really are.

You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the numbers on the sign outside changed.

Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." and you remember that you were home by yourself.

Everyone is laughing but you.

****************************************************************************

You know it is a bad day when you really don't feel like you wanna watch your favourite show on TV.

You know it is a bad day when you feel unbelievably empty as you step out of the office building.

You know it is a bad day when you start to abuse the files sitting in the in-tray by hitting them real hard on the table out of frustration.

You know it is a bad day when you slammed your metal cupboard door hard in frustration, despite knowing that it is quiet in the office.

You know it is a bad day when you realized that being in the middle of a wrangle between two departments means that you are now saddled with work meant for three people.

You know it is a bad day when you actually wanted to go out to de-stress yourself and after running through a list in your mind, there is no one you can call because you have living without a proper social life for the past three months. You forgot how to ask people out without giving them the impression that you will be loading your problems for the past three months to them or that you are asking for a date.

You know it is a bad day when you actually did not feel like having home-cooked food and wanted to indulge in some fried chicken.

You know it is a bad day when you suddenly realised that going to a well-lit place like the fried chicken restaurant would expose your long, black and gloomy face to the view of the entire world.

You know it is a bad day when you suddenly realised that "Hey, I am still fat."

You know it is a bad day when you decided to have roasted duck rice to make up for the fried chicken craving and then, after a five-minute walk to the food centre with your body drenched in sweat, you found that the roast duck rice seller chose not to open his stall for the day.

You know it is a bad day when you decided to go for Plan B (kway chap for dinner), and then, after a two-minute walk with your shirt sticking to your skin (thanks to your perspiration), you discovered that the kway chap seller also decided to take the day off.

You know it is a bad day when you started walking around the food centre for ten minutes as though you are in a ritual and you just could not find anything that you felt like eating.

You know it is a bad day when you decided to have hokkien prawn mee (since it was open), only to realise that the stallholder was not there at her stall for some very strange reason.

You know it is a bad day when you ate bread for your dinner when all you wanted was a nice and warm KFC buddy meal in the first place.

You know it is already a bad day when all you think about is how your Saturday night is going to be now burnt because you have to work.

You know it is a bad day when you realised that there is nothing you can look forward to in the near future. No holiday plans. No dinner dates with the people who mean the world to you. No good developments in your life to spur you on.

You know it is a bad day when you have to sit for the Basic Theory Test tomorrow and you have not touched the guide book for the past three months.

You know it is a bad day when despite having all the good reasons to justify your cause, you lost a battle at work and was subsequently humiliated because of someone else's stupidity (that "inefficiency" triumphed over "efficiency").

You know it is a bad day when your cranky senior at work decided to be rude to you.

And people wonder why I am not an optimist...

Sorry.