Advantages Of Email

We often find blowing off someone the most difficult part of the dating process. The closest we ever come to telling someone that we aren't interested in them romantically is to look them straight in the eye and say, "We'll talk." But there is now a great way to blow someone off. It's safe, it's affordable and the best thing is they have no opportunity to throw things at you. It's at your fingertips right now: E-mail.

That's how all the happening people are telling someone they are not worthy. You'll feel like a real strong and caring person knowing you have told them how you really feel from the safety of your keyboard. And you can delete thier response without ever reading it. What could be more painless? Following is an email rejection letter:

You can use it the next time you need to put your main squeeze on notice. The text of the letter follows:

Dear (name),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention to become my future partner in life. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough this year and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reasons you were disqualified from the competition: (check those that apply)

_____ Your failure to reach for your money in even a feigned attempt to pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of basic economics.

_____ You're mentioning your ex.

_____ You failed the 20 question rule. You asked me 20 questions about myself before I asked you more than one about yourself.

_____ The only questions you did ask had to do with my money and my exes.

_____ It's just not God's will.

_____ Your stomach (or butt) is bigger than mine.

_____ Your height is out of proportion with your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain (or lose) the necessary 17 inches, please resubmit your application.

_____ Your repeated comments such as, "How are you feeling?" or "Are you cold or is it just me?" It is annoying.

_____ The way you enthusiastically jumped on stage at the kareoke bar and danced with the patrons demonstrated that you are far too impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to a relationship.

_____ Your revelation that you would most certainly allow your ex to shack up with you again after he/she "beats that domestic abuse rap" or leaves their current relationship shows compassion but makes it difficult to take you seriously.

_____ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

_____ You're out of my league; set your sights higher next time.

_____ I'm honored to be your friend, but you just aren't my type.


Sincerely,

(Your name)