There are some things that aren't supposed to happen. Like outliving your two sons. Or like watching all your plans for a better life disappear into the dust of your husband's grave. It's hard to count your blessings when you're counting alone.
Selections from Ruth 1:6-3, 19-21 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
Naomi's husband Elimelech died, and she was left with her two sons. . . . She and her daughters-in-law prepared to leave the land of Moab, because she had heard in Moab that the Lord had paid attention to His people's [need] by providing them food.. . . . When they entered Bethlehem, the whole town was excited about their arrival, and [the local women] exclaimed, "Can this be Naomi?"
"Don't call me Naomi!" she told them. "Call me Mara - for the Almighty has made me very bitter. I left full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has pronounced [judgment], and the Almighty has afflicted me?"
Look At It This Way
Moab literally means ease, and Bethlehem means house of bread. Naomi and her family, scared away by famine, left the land of God - the "house of bread" - to go to the land of ease. They were hoping to find some relief from their troubles, unaware how costly life in Moab would be. Yet widowed, homesick, and alone, Naomi looked past their poor choices and saw a God who deserved all the blame. How easy it is to forget God's face in the pleasant times, only to see his hand everywhere in the bad.
You could be a devoted young mother who must watch her two-year-old child die slowly of cancer while you overhear other parents worry about their children's scratched knees and bruised elbows. You could be a 39-year-old single woman who has served God faithfully for decades and has always longed to be married, only to watch your spiritually shallow 25- year-old friend wed a wonderful godly man. Life isn't fair. Inequities hit us from all sides, prompting those wretched "I'm a victim" feelings. But Scripture presents us with a view of life from the eternal perspective. This perspective separates what is transitory from what is lasting. What is transitory, such as injustice and injury, will not endure; what is lasting, such as the eternal weight of glory accrued from that pain, will remain forever. What could possibly outweigh the pain of permanent paralysis, the pain of a life of singleness, the loss of a child from cancer? The greater weight of eternal glory. One day the scales of justice will not only balance, but they will be weighted heavily - almost beyond comprehension - to our good and God's glory.
- Joni Eareckson Tada
Final Thought
Bitterness is born when we hold on too tightly to the things - even the people - in our lives. Treasure every moment as a precious gift from God, but never claim it as a right.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Color the World With Peace and Imagination
"Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon.
A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis
developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air -
explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes
into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we
wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of
sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and
gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and
all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look
on their faces and cover the world with imagination."
~ Robert Fulghum
Author of "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"
Believing a battle might be decided with a crayon is certainly no
more ridiculous than thinking peace might be the end result of war.
Perhaps if we would truly honor those who have fought and died on
every side, it is time for us to find a better way.
-Kate Nowak
Sunday, May 28, 2006
The Dart Test
A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.
One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.
Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats.
As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smithbegan removed the target from the wall.
Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.
Dr. Smith said only these words... "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me." Matthew 25:40.
No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ. This is an easy test; you score 100 or zero. It's your choice.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Christian One-Liners
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
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Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
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When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
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People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
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Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
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If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
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God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
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Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Peace starts with a smile.
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I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?!
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A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
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We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
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Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
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Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
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Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
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Forbidden fruits create many jams.
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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
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God grades on the cross, not the curve.
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God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
He who angers you, controls you!
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If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
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Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
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The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
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The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
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We don't change the message, the message changes us.
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You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to..........discourage him.
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The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.
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Thursday, May 25, 2006
Keep Your Children Safe
To view missing children, click on title above or go to http://www.pollyklaas.org/missing.
We take this time to remember all children who have gone missing from their homes and their families.
A child can go missing for an hour, a day, a week, a month, several years, or forever. The impact on the child, the families and friends, is lifelong.
In our sadness and grief for these children and their families we ask, "What can we do?"
Please know that you are not helpless. There are many things you can do that make a real impact.
According to the Department of Justice, nationally every 37 seconds a child is reported missing. That’s more than 2,300 children reported missing everyday, 70,000 a month, and 852,000 a year. Here are some ways to keep your child safe and what to do if your child disappears.
- Teach your child their full name, your full name, phone number including area code, and full address.
- When in a public place always watch your child, never leave them alone, and always accompany them to the restroom. If your child becomes separated from you teach them to look for uniformed security officers, or sales people wearing nametags. Tell them to never leave the store, and never go into the parking lot alone.
- Take an active role in your child’s life. Know where he/she is at all times, know their daily activities and know their friends. Listen to everything your child tells you.
- Teach your child to ask permission before going anywhere. Teach them the “buddy system” and never to travel alone.
- Teach them that it is all right to be suspicious of an adult asking for assistance from a child.
- Teach your child that they have a right to say “no” and run away when something is wrong.
- Create a code with your child incase there is an emergency and a trusted adult needs to contact them. Teach them that this code word is a secret and should not be shared with friends.
- Teach your child how to call 911. Tell them to speak slowly, loudly, and clearly, and never hang up.
- Have your child finger-printed and obtain DNA samples.
- Always have a current photograph of your child.
- Know your child’s weight and height.
- If you are separated or divorced make sure your child’s school knows about visitation rights, is your ex-spouse allowed to pick the child up from school?
- Make sure your child knows that every person who they do not know well is considered a stranger. Even people they see everyday, neighbors and bus drivers can be strangers. This doesn’t mean that all strangers are bad, it means your child should not ever be alone with them without your permission.
- Teach your child what to do in an emergency situation.
- Assure your child that if he/she is lost or abducted that you will always love them and look for them until he/she is found, no matter what. Make sure they know that you will always want them to come home.
- Tell your child when he/she is home alone never to answer the door or the phone until he/she knows who it is.
- Keep a complete description of your child; color of hair, color of eyes, height, weight, date of birth, any unique physical description (wears glasses, had braces, birthmarks, tattoos, piercings, etc…)
- Take color photographs of your child every six months. Make sure your child is easily recognizable in the photo. Head and shoulder shots from different angles are preferred, take some candid shots as well to show what your child looks like doing activity.
- Know where your child’s medical and dental records are located. Make sure authorities know if your child has any medical problems.
- If you think your child is missing, act immediately! If your child is missing from home check anywhere they could be hiding (closets, under the bed, piles of laundry, and in old appliances such as an old refrigerators, and dryers.) If they are not there call 911. If you are away from home and your child is missing notify security and ask for assistance, call 911. When you talk to police try to stay calm identify yourself and your location. Tell them your child’s name, and a full description including what he/she is wearing when he/she disappeared.
Sources: http://www.childawareness.org , Family Trusted Safety Tips www.childid.com , National Missing Children's Locate Center - USA,
****Looking at Missing Child Pictures****
We know it's emotionally tough to do, but here's how to look at these important pictures:
Pause.
Silence the little voice that says, "I'd never recognize anyone."
Take a moment and just look—focus on facial features, not on clothing, glasses, or hair.
If you get the feeling you've seen the child, believe it.
You'll probably soon remember where and when—or you can search www.pollyklaas.org and other missing child databases to jog your memory.
Call our caseworkers at 1-800-587-4357. You can provide information anonymously or leave your name.
We take this time to remember all children who have gone missing from their homes and their families.
A child can go missing for an hour, a day, a week, a month, several years, or forever. The impact on the child, the families and friends, is lifelong.
In our sadness and grief for these children and their families we ask, "What can we do?"
Please know that you are not helpless. There are many things you can do that make a real impact.
According to the Department of Justice, nationally every 37 seconds a child is reported missing. That’s more than 2,300 children reported missing everyday, 70,000 a month, and 852,000 a year. Here are some ways to keep your child safe and what to do if your child disappears.
- Teach your child their full name, your full name, phone number including area code, and full address.
- When in a public place always watch your child, never leave them alone, and always accompany them to the restroom. If your child becomes separated from you teach them to look for uniformed security officers, or sales people wearing nametags. Tell them to never leave the store, and never go into the parking lot alone.
- Take an active role in your child’s life. Know where he/she is at all times, know their daily activities and know their friends. Listen to everything your child tells you.
- Teach your child to ask permission before going anywhere. Teach them the “buddy system” and never to travel alone.
- Teach them that it is all right to be suspicious of an adult asking for assistance from a child.
- Teach your child that they have a right to say “no” and run away when something is wrong.
- Create a code with your child incase there is an emergency and a trusted adult needs to contact them. Teach them that this code word is a secret and should not be shared with friends.
- Teach your child how to call 911. Tell them to speak slowly, loudly, and clearly, and never hang up.
- Have your child finger-printed and obtain DNA samples.
- Always have a current photograph of your child.
- Know your child’s weight and height.
- If you are separated or divorced make sure your child’s school knows about visitation rights, is your ex-spouse allowed to pick the child up from school?
- Make sure your child knows that every person who they do not know well is considered a stranger. Even people they see everyday, neighbors and bus drivers can be strangers. This doesn’t mean that all strangers are bad, it means your child should not ever be alone with them without your permission.
- Teach your child what to do in an emergency situation.
- Assure your child that if he/she is lost or abducted that you will always love them and look for them until he/she is found, no matter what. Make sure they know that you will always want them to come home.
- Tell your child when he/she is home alone never to answer the door or the phone until he/she knows who it is.
- Keep a complete description of your child; color of hair, color of eyes, height, weight, date of birth, any unique physical description (wears glasses, had braces, birthmarks, tattoos, piercings, etc…)
- Take color photographs of your child every six months. Make sure your child is easily recognizable in the photo. Head and shoulder shots from different angles are preferred, take some candid shots as well to show what your child looks like doing activity.
- Know where your child’s medical and dental records are located. Make sure authorities know if your child has any medical problems.
- If you think your child is missing, act immediately! If your child is missing from home check anywhere they could be hiding (closets, under the bed, piles of laundry, and in old appliances such as an old refrigerators, and dryers.) If they are not there call 911. If you are away from home and your child is missing notify security and ask for assistance, call 911. When you talk to police try to stay calm identify yourself and your location. Tell them your child’s name, and a full description including what he/she is wearing when he/she disappeared.
Sources: http://www.childawareness.org , Family Trusted Safety Tips www.childid.com , National Missing Children's Locate Center - USA,
****Looking at Missing Child Pictures****
We know it's emotionally tough to do, but here's how to look at these important pictures:
Pause.
Silence the little voice that says, "I'd never recognize anyone."
Take a moment and just look—focus on facial features, not on clothing, glasses, or hair.
If you get the feeling you've seen the child, believe it.
You'll probably soon remember where and when—or you can search www.pollyklaas.org and other missing child databases to jog your memory.
Call our caseworkers at 1-800-587-4357. You can provide information anonymously or leave your name.
Reasons To Wait For When It's Right
Does it sometimes feel like you're the only single human left on the planet (at least within your group of friends)? When dating disillusionment hits, it's time to pick yourself up and remember some of the reasons why the right relationship is worth waiting for. Ready?
1. You know what you want.
Your experience allows you to make an informed decision when it comes to most aspects of any relationship, including planning a perfect wedding. You've no doubt been to (or in) enough weddings at this point to know the mistakes to avoid — in other words, you won't be doing an e-mail survey of your friends about china patterns. You may even be confident enough to bag the wedding thing altogether and do something crazy — like elope.
2. You're older and wiser.
Having not found someone early in life, you run a lesser chance of you and your partner growing apart, or of being totally sick of each other by the time you're 40. Good news for your future marriage!
3. You haven't settled!
You deserve to get what you want, and if you have to hold out for it, then so be it. Settling for a relationship that's only so-so is selling yourself short, and it's a recipe for a failed marriage. The right guy is out there — and that relationship is worth the wait.
4. You still get to look forward to that sensational moment of finding the one.
You don't know who, you don't know when, and you don't know where. Now that's pretty exciting!
Coincidence? You Decide...
This stretches the bounds of what might be called "humor" per se, but it is certainly entertaining, in a chilling sort of way, so I thought I would share it... The incidence of coincidence is so prevalent, that it can not be considered coincidence.
* Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
* Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
* The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.
* Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Both were shot in the presence of their wives.
The Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theater and to Dallas, respectively.
* Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
* Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
* Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
* John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
* Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names have 15 letters.
* Booth ran from the theater and was captured in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theater.
* To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trial.
What do you think: Mystery or a statistical coincidence?
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
My Idea Of Philosophy
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
* Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
* Does fuzzy logic tickle?
* If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
* I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
* How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
* I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
* If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly,is a fog horn made out of?
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
* I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
* Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
* What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
* If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
* Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
* Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
* Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
* Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
* Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
* Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* He who hesitates is probably right.
* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
* No one is listening until you make a mistake.
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above (below?) your principles.
* Two wrongs are only the beginning.
* Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corrolary is: You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)
* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
* Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
* If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
* When pie are squared you get Pop Tarts.
* I prefer the sign that says "No Entry" to the one that says "No Exit".
* It is unhealthy to live. He who lives, dies.
* Sometimes I feel like such an incredible nothing.
* It's funny how entertaining you can be to some people just by listening to them.
* Compact cars make people look bigger.
* No pleasure is enjoyed without some measure of pain.
* If you clap with one hand, will it make a sound?
* Less is more.
* The first condition of immortality is death.
* They can because they think they can.
* Think before you think.
* To be a leader, watch where others are headed then run out in front of them.
* Fear not that your life will end, but rather that it will never begin.
* Strangers are only friends we haven't met.
* That which we are, we are...
* Sure it's a cruel world, but where else is there to go?
* We are the people our parents warn us about.
* Some people think it's the holding on that makes us strong. Sometimes it's the letting go.
* Disclaimer: We have no wish to offend you unless you're a twit.
* If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
* Anarchy - It's not the law, it's just a good idea.
* The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
* It's not the principle of the thing. It's the money.
* Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
* All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
* Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
* Sincerity is the key. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
* The breakfast of champions is the opposition.
* If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
* Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
* Always do right. This will gratify many people, and astonish the rest.
* Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you frantic.
* Decadence is its own reward.
* An honest politician is one who stays bought.
* Organize for anarchy!
* Circular definition: see "circular definition."
* Help! The paranoids are out to get me!
* According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
* I don't see you, so don't pretend you're there.
* If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
* Do some infants enjoy infancy as much as some adults enjoy adultery?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
* When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
* When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
* Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
* If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
* Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
* "I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?
* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
* If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
* If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
Touchdown
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- - Bill Peterson, former Florida State football coach
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
- - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- - Bill Peterson, former Florida State football coach
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- - Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class."
- - George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
- - Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- - Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
Help Through Crisis
1 - Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2 - You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3 - There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4 - Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5 - Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6 - Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
7 - The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8 - The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9 - Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10 - Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
11 - Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12 - Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13 - Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14 - I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15 - Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16 - All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
17 - If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18 - One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19 - By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
20 - Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21 - The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
22 - There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
23 - This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
24 - Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
25 - The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.
Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman
1. I finished the Oreo's.
2. Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds.
3. Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!
4. I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!
5. Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.
6. Darned if you ain't about 5 pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.
7. Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt.
8. Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!
9. I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?
10. Are your ankles supposed to look like that?
11. Get your *own* ice cream.
12. Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.
13. Got milk ?
14. Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney?
15. Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!
16. Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water...
17. Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!
18. You don't have the guts to pull that trigger...
The Life Stages Of Women
AGE - DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
AGE - EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have François color my hair
66 Need to have François color my wig
AGE- FAVORITE SPORT
17 Shopping
25 Shopping
35 Shopping
48 Shopping
66 Shopping
AGE - DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 Burger King
25 Free meal
35 A diamond
48 A bigger diamond
66 Home Alone
AGE - FAVORITE FANTASY
17 Tall, dark and handsome
25 Tall, dark and handsome with money
35 Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 A man with hair
66 A man
AGE- WHAT S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
AGE- IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast
Take The Pledge
The Purple Hand represents all people in every community around the world and is blind to the color of skin, age, gender, race, religion or nationality.
The color Purple is our national color used to honor and remember victims and survivors of abuse and violence. The Purple Heart*…our Nation’s oldest medal of honor is awarded to men and women wounded in combat. The Purple Heart has become one of the most highly respected decorations of the US Armed Forces. The PURPLE HEART is awarded to members of the armed forces of the U.S. who are wounded by an instrument of war in the hands of the enemy and posthumously to the next of kin in the name of those who are killed in action or die of wounds received in action. It is specifically a combat decoration.
The Red Heart in the palm of the hand serves to represent when you hurt yourself or another person, or someone hurts you with words or by actions, it hurts deep inside, it hurts your heart, it hurts your spirit.
The open hand extended in front of you means STOP. The Purple Hand/Red Heart means stop and think before you say or do anything hurtful to yourself or others.
Taking the Pledge is taking an oath which is done with an open raised hand, just as in a court of law. When you take the Pledge, take it to heart; mean it with your heart.
*www.purpleheart.org
"I WILL NOT USE MY HANDS OR MY WORDS FOR HURTING MYSELF OR OTHERS" …fourteen words to help people PAY ATTENTION to the things we say and do to ourselves and others that causes pain. The Pledge encourages dialogue about all forms of abuse and violence…from name calling, belittling, put downs, and negative self talk (I’m stupid, ugly…) that can escalate to suicide and/or murder.
When taking the Purple Hands Pledge you are asked to trace your own hand on purple paper, sign your name and age and post your Pledge in your home, school, workplace, place of worship, or wherever people live and work together to serve as a visual reminder of your personal commitment to stop and think before you say or do anything hurtful. Anger is a feeling, violence is always a choice.
The Purple Hands Pledges represent symbols of Unity as we reinforce and recognize the Power and Value of every individual's choice...to use our words and actions to help...not to hurt…ourselves or others.
Ann S. Kelly
Author - Hands & Words Are Not For Hurting Pledge - 1997
Anger Is A Feeling – Violence Is A Choice
Every person can make a difference in stopping abuse and violence by taking a pledge:
• Not to use violence (verbal or physical) to control others
• Not to tolerate any form of abuse from others - ask for help
• Not to hurt yourself with words or actions
• To develop healthy relationships based on respect and equality
RESPECT: to value, appreciate, care for and protect
EQUALITY: having the same value as another
The Winds Of Change
The winds of change will either ruffle your feathers or be the wind beneath your wings to carry you to your next destination. It will depend entirely upon your attitude.
If you resist the move it will only irritate you and cause you to feel insecure. But, if you yield, you will be carried to new heights and you will be delighted with the elevation.
The choice here is attitude or altitude. Decide now which it will be, and it will be easier to make the choice when the time comes.
Faith In America
I was asked to post this if I agree or delete it if I don't.
It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.
Therefore I have a very hard time understanding
why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust"
on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance.
I AGREE !
So here goes:
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG,
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS,
ONE NATION UNDER GOD,
INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY
AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!
"Dear Heavenly Father,
hold our troops in your loving hands.
Protect them as they protect us.
Bless them and their families
for the selfless acts they perform
for us in our time of need."
It's your turn:
Please stop a moment
and say a prayer for our troops
(land, air, and sea) in
Afghanistan, Kuwait,
Iraq and all around the world.
Thank you!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Reasons Why It's Good To Be A Man
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "Notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 38 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big fat hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
Good Humor - Bad Ads
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 524-0960. Leave mess.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant.
Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.
Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress,
but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child.
Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.
Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties.
Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Benefits Of Growing Older
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
7. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
8. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
9. Things you buy now won't wear out.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You'll Find Jesus There
"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart."
"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.
The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done..."
"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.
The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next."
"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."
The surgeon had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."
"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."
The surgeon left. He sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, here he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"
The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."
The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"
The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."
The surgeon wept. He sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"
"Yes," said the surgeon.
"What did you find?" asked the boy.
"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
Ruth's Letter
Ruth went to her mail box and there was only one letter. She picked it up and looked at it before opening, but then she looked at the envelope again. There was no stamp, no postmark, only her name and address. She read the letter:
Dear Ruth:
I'm going to be in your neighborhood Saturday afternoon and I'd like to stop by for a visit.
Love Always,
Jesus
Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table.
"Why would the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special. I don't have anything to offer."
With that thought, Ruth remembered her empty kitchen cabinets.
"Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run down to the store and buy something for dinner." She reached for her purse and counted out its contents. Five dollars and forty cents.
"Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least."
She threw on her coat and hurried out the door.
A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of milk...leaving Ruth with grand total twelve cents to last her until Monday. Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager
offerings tucked under her arm.
"Hey lady, can you help us, lady?"
Ruth had been so absorbed in her dinner plans, she hadn't even noticed two figures huddled in the alleyway. A man and a woman, both of them dressed in little more than rags
"Look lady, I ain't got a job, ya know, and my wife and I have been living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us. Lady, we'd really appreciate it."
Ruth looked at them both. They were dirty, they smelled bad and frankly, she was certain that they could get some kind of work if they really wanted to.
"Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for dinner tonight and I was planning on serving that to Him."
"Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway."
The man put his arm around the woman's shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley. As she watched them leave, Ruth felt a familiar twinge in her heart.
"Sir, wait!" The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them. "Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to serve my guest." She handed the man her grocery bag.
"Thank you lady. Thank you very much!"
"Yes, thank you!" It was the man's wife, and Ruth could see now that she was shivering. "You know, I've got another coat at home. Here, why don't you take this one." Ruth unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders. Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street...without her coat and with nothing to serve her guest.
"Thank you lady! Thank you very much!"
Ruth was chilled by the time she reached her front door, and worried too. The Lord was coming to visit and she didn't have anything to offer Him.
She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she noticed another envelope in her mailbox.
"That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day."
She took the envelope out of the box and opened it.
Dear Ruth:
It was so good to see you again. Thank you for the lovely meal. And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always,
Jesus
The air was still cold, but even without her coat, Ruth no longer noticed.
God Does Exist
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair and his beard cut as always. He started to have a good conversation with the barber who attended him. They talked about so many things and various subjects. Suddenly, they touched the subject of God.
The barber said, "Look man, I don't believe that God exists as you say."
"Why do you say that?" asked the client.
"Well, it's so easy, all you have to do is go out in the street to realize that God does not exist. Oh, tell me, if God existed, would there be so many sick people? Would there be aban doned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't think of loving a God who permits all of these things."
The client stopped for moment thinking, but didn't want to respond so as not to cause an argument. The barber finished his job and the client left the shop.
Just after leaving the barbershop he saw a man in the street with long hair and a beard (it seems that it had been a long time since he had his cut and he looked so untidy).
The client went back to the barber shop and said to the barber "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say they don't exist?" asked the barber. "Well, I am here and am a barber."
"No!" the client exclaimed. "They don't exist because if they did there would be no people with long hair and beards like that man who walks in the street."
"Ah, barbers do exist. What happens is that people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" -- affirmed the client. "That's the point. God does exist.
What happens is people don't go to Him and do not look for Him.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
Old Men Can Still Think Fast
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years.
He had a pond in the next paddock, fixed up nice - picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, and some mango and avocado trees.
The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
World's Most Interesting Quiz
****Sometimes the answers to our questions in life require research, not mindless answers.*****
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert
What color is a purple finch?
Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
International Orange, of course.
Reasons To Be Thankful
"I thank Thee first because I was never robbed before; second,
because although they took my purse they did not take my life;
third, because although they took my all, it was not much; and
fourth because it was I who was robbed, and not I who robbed."
~ Matthew Henry
English clergyman, 1662-1714
We can always find reason to be thankful, and as we express our
gratitude, more reasons for its expression arise. For the
cultivation of a grateful heart, any excuse will do.
~Kate Nowak
I Did It!
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
~Hellen Keller
At some point in the future, you are going to look back on all the
things you wanted to do with your life and either say "I did it!"
or "I wish I had..." Of course, if the first statement is the one
you'll want to make, you'll need to begin immediately making those
words come true. If you choose the latter, however, you need do
nothing. Wishing is free. Everything else comes with a price.
~Kate Nowak
Monday, May 22, 2006
Quickies But Goodies
1. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
2. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide is that considered a hostage situation?
3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
5. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
6. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
8. So what's the speed of dark?
9. How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
10. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
11. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
12. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
13. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
14. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
15. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
16. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
17. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
19. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
20. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
21. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
23. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
24. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is weak?
25. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
26. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
27. Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
28. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
29. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
30. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
31. What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
32. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
33. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
34. When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
35. Do fish get cramps after eating?
36. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
37. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
38. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
39. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
40. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
41. Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
42. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
43. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a chair at him?
44. If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
45. Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
46. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
47. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
48. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
49. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
50. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
51. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
52. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
53. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
54. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
55. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
56. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
57. Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?
58. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
59. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
60. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
61. War doesn't determine who's right, just who is left.
Cowology
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
MARRIAGE
You have two cows.
You each get one...
And you milk it for all it's worth.
Practical Dating
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."
*************************************************************************
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl.
***************************************************************************
If You Wanna Be Happy
performed by Jimmy Soul
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he married her and then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
A-you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Survivor Not Victim
Reclaiming your life is not an easy task. First, you have to discover just
who you are and what you want. You have to decide if this is how you want to live your life. I'm sure there has been much grief for you here, and much wistful longing for that perfect relationship.
It would probubly be the easier path if you just gave up. You could just sit back and accept your lot in life, using abuse as an excuse to stop living. I tried this route, but the best part of me which remains despised that road. It may be the path of least resistance but it is also the path of least reward.
Abused is not who you are. Be a survivor, not a victim. When you can shift your focus from victim to survivor, you can walk upon the path of reclaimation and begin the process of finding the new you. This shift is not just something that happens one day; it is a process repeated daily.
It moves forward, stumbles, sags, stalls and sometimes even falls back upon
itself. Anger can feed it, while indignation can urge it onward. For every two steps forged forward there is one step back. Progress is slow, jerky, and often seems like there is no progress at all.
Frustration and feelings of futility are among the enemies you face. And so you begin each day unsure and frightened. The biggest and most frightening steps you take are those which take you beyond your small world. Make small changes, one at a time. Baby steps.
You need to feel comfortable with each change before you go on to something new. Upon this path, each stepstone must be laid firmly enough that you will not fall by stepping on it. Each stone must be carefully locked into the others. To demand too much of yourself is a self- fulfilling prophesy of disaster.
You are strong. If you take things one step at a time then you have a good
chance of tackling them successfully. I used to think that my biggest demons were based in inability and weakness. Now I realize they are based in fear.
You are a survivor, not a victim at all... People who accept things as they are without pushing things are the victims. Challenge everyday, and realize what you can do. Don't accept things the way they are.
No More Bad Dream
How sweet he was, once.
I remember his smile and words.
He lavished me with compliments I needed to hear.
He told me to trust when I did not feel I should.
And I did and then we married,
Then a darkness came like a dream.
I kept thinking I’d wake from my sleep
and the rainbow would appear again
in the damp and wet storm,
yet it only became darker
and a chill set in.
Glimpses of a time past would flicker
Like a flame atop a candle.
I could almost grasp the memories of a life I once knew
And told myself this wasn't happening.
But a different man he was, too real.
Hard and sometimes cruel,
Angry and jealous,
Controlling and insecure.
He said I was unloveable and not worth much
And his actions confirmed his words in my mind.
I was becoming isolated
and a power struggle began to ensue.
I didn't want to let go of who I was.
I became like a trapped bird in a cage.
Boundaries were drawn, lines were crossed.
Fear set in and I tried to break free from him.
He didn't want to let me go.
I became a fish out of water
Gasping for air.
Then the rain came again,
So hard it pushed me into
The depth of the sea.
I swam fast for my freedom.
Salty tears I no longer cry
As his memory becomes
Like rays of the sun fading at the day's end.
I will always remember him,
as not who I thought he was
and learn to be wiser about who
I love so I stay free from
the nets thrown into the sea
to capture me.
Through A Child's Eyes
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in
the toilet a few days ago."
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The
various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs,
unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently,
his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and
unto the Sonnn .. and into the hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had
been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
Love, Lust And Marriage
LOVE: When you write poems about your partner.
LUST: When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE: When all you write is checks.
LOVE: When sex is called "making love".
LUST: When sex is called "doing it".
MARRIAGE: When you can't remember what you used to call it.
LOVE: When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST: When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE: When you lose your child in a crowded room.
LOVE: When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST: When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE: When your wallet empties every time you see them.
LOVE: When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST: When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE: When you argue about money.
LOVE: When you have concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST: When you have concern for your partner's test results.
MARRIAGE: When you have concern for what's on TV.
LOVE: When nobody else matters.
LUST: When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE: When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
LOVE: When you like to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST: When you like to see each other naked.
MARRIAGE: When you never see each other awake.
LOVE: When you share everything you own.
LUST: When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE: When the bank owns everything.
LOVE: When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST: When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE: When you phone each other to gripe.
LOVE: When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST: When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE: When you listen to talk radio.
LOVE: When your farewell is "I love you, darling."
LUST: When your farewell is "Same time next week?"
MARRIAGE: When your farewell is "Pick up some toilet paper."
Charm Is Cinderella's Lesson
Beauty in woman is a very rare treasure:
Of it we can never tire.
But what's worth more, a priceless pleasure,
Is charm, which we must all admire.
That wise instructress, the Godmother,
While dressing her fit for a Queen
Was giving her power to charm another;
That is what the story means.
Ladies, better than teased-up hair is,
To win a heart, and conquer a Ball.
Charm is the true gift of the fairies;
Without it you've nothing; with it, all.
'Aint That The Truth
The spouse who snores the loudest always falls asleep first.
The product you are most embarrassed to be buying must be price-checked over the P.A.
The heavier the load, and the farther you must carry it, the more your nose itches.
The original will be found when a replacement is bought.
When you have a deadline, the printer always runs out of toner.
When you have to get up early, the "snooze" alarm is ten times longer than normal.
Technical instructions are in three languages: Spanish, French, and Geek.
Any Disney movie will be boycotted by some religious union.
After typing a multi-page report, Windows will perform an "illegal operation" and erase your work.
Traffic is only bad on days that end in "y."
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Things It Can Take A Lifetime To Learn
-Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
-If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
-There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
-You should not confuse your career with your life.
-Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
-Never lick a steak knife.
-The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
-You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
-The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
-Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the
Titanic.
-People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.
-Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
-If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will
get soaking wet.
-The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are
urinate and attend funerals.
-The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same
size bucket.
To err is human, to forgive or get forgiveness - hard to come by.
-Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to
cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
-Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
-Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
-After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you
are probably dead.
Who Said Women Aren't Smart?
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years
before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked
about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and appear happy
with the old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and
asked... "But why do you seem happy with the old ways that you once
tried to change?"
"Land mines," said the woman.
Perspective is everything.
Things To Try Before You Die
When murderer James Rodgers was asked if he had any last requests before being executed by a firing squad, his needs were simple. "Why yes," he said. "A bullet-proof vest."
And while the hero of Cuban independence Jos Mart did not include "Liberate a country" in his list, he did name three other important tasks: Plant a tree, write a book, have a son.
Stop procrastinating. There are a thousand reasons to put off til tomorrow what can be done, well, tomorrow. But forget about them. Think about the thousand good reasons why you should just get started now, and begin:
#Attend at least one major sporting event: the Super Bowl, the Olympics, the U.S. Open.
#Throw a huge party and invite every one of your friends.
#Swim with a dolphin.
# Skydive.
# Have your portrait painted.
# Learn to speak a foreign language and make sure you use it.
# Go skinny-dipping at midnight in the South of France.
# Watch the launch of the space shuttle.
# Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty.
# Be an extra in a film.
# Tell someone the story of your life, sparing no details.
# Make love on a forest floor.
# Make love on a train.
# Learn to rollerblade.
# Own a room with a view.
# Brew your own beer.
# Learn how to take a compliment.
# Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away.
# Grow a beard and leave it for at least a month.
# Give your mother a dozen red roses and tell her you love her.
# Be a member of the audience in a TV show.
# Put your name down to be a passenger on the first tourist shuttle to the moon.
# Send a message in a bottle.
# Ride a camel into the desert.
# Get to know your neighbors.
# Plant a tree.
# Learn not to say yes when you really mean no.
# Write a fan letter to your all-time favorite hero or heroine.
# Visit the Senate and the House of Representatives to see how Congress really works.
# Learn to ballroom dance properly.
# Eat jellied eels from a stall in London.
# Be the boss.
# Fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally.
# Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia.
# Sit on a jury.
# Write the novel you know you have inside you.
# Go to Walden Pond and read Thoreau while drifting in a canoe.
# Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home (just once).
# Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich.
# Be someone's mentor.
# Shower in a waterfall.
# Ask for a raise.
# Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill.
# Teach someone illiterate to read.
# Blow all your savings and take a flight on the Concorde.
# Spend a night in a haunted house -- by yourself.
# Write down your personal mission statement, follow it, and revise it from time to time.
# See a lunar eclipse.
# Spend New Year's in an exotic location.
# Get passionate about a cause and spend time helping it, instead of just thinking about it.
# Experience weightlessness.
# Sing a great song in front of an audience.
# Ask someone you've only just met to go on a date.
# Drive across America from coast to coast.
# Make a complete and utter fool of yourself.
# Own one very expensive but absolutely wonderful business suit.
# Write your will.
# Sleep under the stars.
# Take a ride on the highest roller coaster in the country.
# Learn how to complain effectively -- and do it!
# Go wild in Rio during Carnival.
# Spend a whole day reading a great novel.
# Forgive your parents.
# Learn to juggle with three balls.
# Drive the Autobahn.
# Find a job you love.
# Spend Christmas on the beach drinking pina coladas.
# Overcome your fear of failure.
# Raft through the Grand Canyon.
# Donate money and put your name on something: a college scholarship, a bench in the park.
# Buy your own house and then spend time making it into exactly what you want.
# Grow a garden.
# Spend three months getting your body into optimum shape.
# Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring.
# Accept yourself for who you are.
# Learn to use a microphone and give a speech in public.
# Scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef.
# Go up in a hot-air balloon.
# Attend one really huge rock concert.
# Kiss someone you've just met on a blind date.
# Be able to handle: your tax forms, Jehovah's Witnesses, your banker, telephone solicitors.
# Give to a charity -- anonymously.
# Lose more money than you can afford at roulette in Vegas.
# Let someone feed you peeled, seedless grapes.
# Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab.
# Fart in a crowded space.
# Make love on the kitchen floor.
# Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch.
# Create your own web site.
# Visit the Holy Land.
# Make yourself spend a half-day at a concentration camp and swear never to forget.
# Run to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
# Create your Family Tree.
# Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium.
# Make a hole-in-one.
# Ski a double-black diamond run.
# Learn to bartend.
# Run a marathon.
# Look into your child's eyes, see yourself, and smile.
# Reflect on your greatest weakness, and realize how it is your greatest strength.
**********************************************************************
Learn to Survive in the Wilderness
Put your survival skills to the test and learn what it takes to make it in the real world.
Skydive in a Spectacular Place
For the brave souls who dare, skydiving offers a chance to get about as close to flying as is humanly possible.
Visit an Active Volcano
Bubbling lava, paths of fire cutting through the trees — it's a sight most people only witness on television or in books.
Visit a Nude Beach
A midnight skinny-dip might actually seem prudish compared to the sensory overload of visiting a nude beach in broad daylight.
Go to a Nudist Colony
Want to shed those extra layers, feel the sand between your toes, the sun on your skin?
Scuba Dive the Great Barrier Reef
It is half the size of the state of Texas and is considered to be one of the seven natural wonders of the world.
Climb Mt. Everest
Once the domain only of the most seasoned mountaineers, Everest today is accessible to people from all walks of life.
Race in Alaska's Iditarod
In Alaska it's called the "Last Great Race on Earth," a 1,150-mile course that pits man and dog against nature.
Learn How to Be a Clown
Running away to the circus may be as easy as visiting the city by the bay.
Go to Japan and Eat Fugu
For those who like to inject a little danger into everything they do, the Japanese and Koreans have the perfect dish.
Go On a Safari
One million trips to the zoo cannot compare to the sights, sounds and smells of a safari.
Take a Swamp Tour and Learn How to Wrestle an Alligator
Visit the land of all things reptile: Central Florida's Gatorland.
Swim With Sharks
Dive into the waters of Cocos Island, one of the world's most famous diving locations.
Learn How to Ride a Bull
Visit a fantasy bull riding camp and be a real cowboy — if only for a few hours.
Get Close to a Wild Animal That Could Kill You
Approximately 250 miles southwest of Anchorage is a pristine wilderness where animals are the priority and humans come second.
Run With the Bulls in Pamplona
Trying to outrun an angry half-ton beast with sharp horns is probably high on the list of life-endangering adventures.
Swim With Dolphins
Take a dive with Flipper.
Travel to Michoacan, Mexico to Witness the Migration of Monarch Butterfly.
The tree are alive — with butterflies! One million Monarch butterflies, actually.
Go Whale Watching
Spot whales in the waters around Washington's San Juan Islands.
Visit Africa's Serengeti Plain
Hop in a hot air balloon for a bird's-eye-view of the great wildebeest migration.
Go to a Writers Retreat and Work on Your Novel
Generations of writers have learned the same thing: the best way to wrap up a novel is to get away for a while.
Learn to Paint a Landscape Like Van Gogh
It's never too late to pick up the brush again — or even for the first time.
Read "Anna Karenina" and Explore Tolstoy's Moscow
Get to know the author by visiting his Moscow home, now a museum.
Attend a Shakespeare Festival and Bring the Bard to Life
Spend a midsummer night's eve in the company of star-crossed lovers and feuding families.
Participate in a Pow-Wow With American Indians
Get a glimpse of North America's heritage by visiting the Gathering of Nations Pow Wow in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Explore the New York Public Library
Only in New York would the public library boast that it contains the "largest and most comprehensive collection in the world on the history, literature and lore of tobacco."
Spend a Week at Burning Man
It's the seventh-largest metropolitan area in Nevada, but don't bother looking for it on the map.
Visit Michelangelo's David
Even 500 years after it was completed, Michelangelo Buonarotti's "David" stands tall in the world of fine sculpture.
Visit the Hershey Chocolate Factory in Pennsylvania
Hop in a cocoa-bean-shaped car and learn all you ever wanted to know about chocolate.
Visit a Prison Museum
Walk the hallways of America's most infamous prison.
Volunteer to help others.
The biggest challenge may be finding the most needy cause or the most fulfilling project.
Ride a Cable Car in San Francisco
When San Francisco constructed its cable car system 125 years ago, no one was trying to build a historic landmark or a tourist attraction.
Watch the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace
Don't miss this quintessentially British ritual.
Visit Paris and Skate Through the streets at Night
Join 10,000 Parisians as they hit the streets for Europe's biggest street skating party.
Take in Memphis Elvis-Style
The best place to get to know Elvis circa A.D. 2000 is at his self-appointed mansion.
Enjoy New York City at Christmas Time
See the Big Apple at its holiday best.
Get a Taste of High Fashion in Milan
From the moment you land at Linate Airport in Milan, you know you have arrived in the fashion capital of the world.
Learn to Tango in Buenos Aires
To really feel the soul of the tango, head to Buenos Aires, the birthplace of the dance.
Sip Tea in a Traditional Tea Garden
The ancient Japanese tea ceremony is steeped deep in religion, history and mystery.
Dance a Waltz at the Vienna Opera Ball
The ball transforms the Vienna State Opera into the world's most shining example of life as art.
Visit the World's First Public Art Museum
Completed in 1787 by Catherine the Great, the Hermitage was originally home to the empress's private collection of Western European art.
Visit the Vietnam Wall in Washington, D.C
The black granite wall was constructed as a place of healing and reconciliation for the families, friends and supporters of the more than 58,000 slain or missing soldiers.
Visit a Former Concentration camp
Visit the Memorial and Museum Dedicated to the People Who Lost Their Lives in the Holocaust.
Explore the Routes of America's Underground Railroad
Learn about the network that helped 40,000 to 100,000 slaves to escape brutal lives in the south.
Visit the Crazy Horse Monument in South Dakota
See the legend immortalized in a 563-foot-high, 641-foot-long sculpture.
Walk the Great Wall of China
Take a long walk along the wall, or just marvel at its ingenuity.
See the Ruins of Pompeii
In A.D. 79, Pompeii was a bustling town, with a full complement of homes, markets and temples. Walk along the ancient streets, roads that still show the marks of horses' hooves and chariot wheel ruts.
Visit the Athenian Acropolis
A spectacularly preserved site representative of ancient Greek civilization, the Acropolis in Athens is an architectural and historic treasure.
Participate in a Traditional Tet Celebration
Grab your sparklers, bring along a party attitude and plan a trip to Vietnam for this year's Tet celebration.
Celebrate the Day of the Dead in Mexico
In Mexico, families come together to remember the deceased in an annual celebration of DÃa de los Muertos.
Re-live America in the 1950's: Go to a Drive-In Movie Theater With Your Sweetie
Revisit the days before multiplexes and DVDs, when drive-in theaters reigned supreme.
Eat a Meal With a World-Class Master Chef
Get a personal demonstration and tasting with a master chef.
Tour a Vineyard and Sample a Good Bottle of Wine
Where can you go to sample fine wine?
Stay at the World's Fanciest Five-star Hotel
Pamper yourself — hour-long, in-room massages, seven-course room service and butler-drawn baths.
Enjoy the Oscars Like the Movie Stars Do
You don't have to be a Hollywood star to have a stellar Oscars night.
Vacation Like James Bond
Live just like the famed 007 or at least like the novelist who invented him.
Be a Rock Star for a Day
Even if you can't carry a tune, you can still enjoy 24 hours just like the real rockers do.
Crash a Hollywood Studio
Get a guided tour to see the scene behind the scenes.
Rent Your Own Private Island
Getting away from it all doesn't mean sacrificing the finer things in life.
Spend a Weekend in Vegas
Anyone looking for cultural immersion with a touch of class and a load of crass will luck out in Vegas.
Bask in the Sun on a Beach in Rio
Relax and live it up at trendy Ipanema Beach.
Soak in the mud and waters of the Dead Sea
Visit the world's oldest health resort.
Sleep in a Haunted Castle
Mortals live until they die, but ghosts hang around long afterward.
See Stonehenge
Even though it has been there for 5,000 years, no one knows the who, how or why of its origin.
See the Seven Wonders of the World (or at Least the Great Pyramid)
Seeing the Seven Wonders of the World would be quite an adventure — considering that it's not even clear what they are.
Visit Machu Picchu
The mountain-top ruins of Machu Picchu — the mysterious sacred site of the Incas — are so remote that for 400 years nobody knew about them except for a handful of local farmers, shepherds and the llamas that graze there.
Visit a Magnificent Temple
When in India, do as the Hindus (or Muslims, Buddhists, Christians, Jews and others who live there) do.
Visit a Spiritual Place
St. Suplice is a 17th-century church named for the seventh-century Bishop of Bourges — who was born to wealthy parents and dedicated his life to the poor.
Kiss the Blarney Stone
Five miles from the Irish city of Cork, intrepid visitors can find their voices in historic Blarney Castle.
Visit the Mysterious Blue Grotto in Capri
Any number of boatmen will be happy to row visitors through a small hole in the rocks that is the only access to the cavern.
Bathe in the Blue Lagoon
Find out why Iceland is the hottest destination in Europe — literally.
Witness the Thaipusam Festival in Singapore
Come along as devotees of the Hindu god Lord Subrani gather to practice ritual piercing in a festival atmosphere.
See the Southern Sky
Visit an observatory and see the night sky in its purest form.
Rediscover Evolution the Darwin Way in the Galapagos Islands
For a tiny handful of islands floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the Galapagos Islands sure have made their mark on history.
Help Dig for Dinosaur Bones
Known for its harsh beauty, Argentina's Ischigualasto Basin is five miles wide, 40 miles long, 3,000 feet above sea level and a paleontologist's gold mine.
See a Tornado or Hurricane and Live to Tell Your Grandkids
Only a nut would choose to head straight into the eye of the storm, right?
See the Northern Lights
Alaskan legend describes the northern lights as torches carried by the dead as they move into the next life.
Visit the Amazon Rainforest — While It's Still There
Explore the Amazon from an aerial perch.
Float Along the Nile
Experience the Nile's changing rhythms — sail from Aswan to Sehel in a traditional felucca.
See the Sunrise From Maui's Mt. Haleakala
There's a reason Hawaii's best sunrise vantage point is called Mt. Haleakala, or "House of the Sun."
See the Birth of a Baby — Human or Animal
What if there was a place to go to bear witness to the birth of an animal?
Volunteer to Help Save the Environment
Sometimes the only way to revitalize a sagging spirit is to throw body and soul into a project that expands your horizons and lends a helping hand at the same time.
Ride a Leg of the Tour de France
Riding the toughest race course in the bicycling world isn't for the faint of heart or soft of tush.
Be a Basketball Star
Lace up your high tops and hone your skills at a fantasy basketball camp.
Hit the Links at St. Andrews, the Birthplace of Golf
It's just you versus 600 years of history.
Drink a Mint Julep at the Kentucky Derby
How did a simple two-minute horse race become one of the most important events in the American South?
Take in the Indy 500
Auto racing may be an international sport, but one internationally famous race remains purely American.
Run, or Walk, in the New York Marathon
Surviving not only the 26.2-mile run, but also a weekend in the Big Apple must be one of the most rigorous physical challenges in the world.
Try to Hit a Major-League Fastball
The chances of hitting the game-winning homer are probably slim for most people, but there still may be a way to buy a trip to the diamond.
Climb Mount Olympus
One visit to the mountain of the gods in Greece is enough to remind any visitor of the true nature of the competition.
Watch the Sumo Wrestling Championships in Japan
Like the Super Bowl or World Series, the grand championships of sumo are more than just sporting events.
Take a Train Ride on the Orient Express
Consider a journey where luxury and leisurely pace are the goals and getting there is half the fun.
Ride a Harley Across the U.S.
For a nostalgic taste of one of the last remaining slices of Americana, there's no better place than America's old highway to the west, Route 66.
Ride the Biggest, Meanest Roller Coaster in the World
Find out which of America's amusement parks are home to the best coasters.
Raft Down a World-Class River
For novices and intermediates it's hard to find a course that is manageable without forsaking the whitewater "hard-core" aesthetic.
Ride a Gondola in Venice with the Love of Your Life
True romantics know the most effective displays of affection require a lot of imagination and a dash of tradition.
Ride a Mule Through the Grand Canyon
Travel into the depths of the canyon aboard a mule, the ride of choice for prospectors of old.
Test Drive a Ferrari
Pipe dream or not, some drivers just can't seem to shake the urge to get behind the wheel.
Take a Steamboat Cruise Down the Mississippi
Travelers who want to recapture the Mississippi life so eloquently described by Mark Twain can still do so aboard a steamboat.
Take a Ride at the Pushkar Camel Fair
The Pushkar Mela is a boisterous gathering of traders, drivers, buyers, gawkers and tourists.
Train like an astronaut at space camp
Learn what it feels like to be an astronaut in training.
****And last but not least, accept Jesus Christ as your Saviour. Your eternity depends on it.****
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