Bad Hair Day

A bad hair day is one of those days when nothing seems to be going right.

In July 1988 the Press Democrat, a Santa Rosa, California newspaper printed:
" Even those who emerge from the sea to casually braid their shiny wet vines into a thick coil with a hibiscus on the end also have bad-hair days."

A bad hair day has become an adapted saying in modern language. It is thought that the first famous person to publicly utter the words 'I'm having a bad hair day' was the First Lady Hillary Clinton. It's not known whether she meant her hair hadn't turned out well, or she'd just heard something shocking concerning a young intern called Monica and a close encounter with a cigar.

The earliest verified use of the phrase bad hair day in print, was a 1988 column in the Houston Chronicle by Susan Swartz. Significantly, Swartz herself doesn't claim to have invented the term bad hair day herself, but suspects she may have picked it up from nearby teen-aged girls.

In the 1992 film Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there was a conversation between Buffy (Kristy Swanson) and a one-armed vampire named Amilyn (Paul Reubens):

I'm fine but you're obviously having a bad hair day.

Since it came into common usage, the bad hair day utterance is either a euphemism for a period of time - possibly since alighting from bed - when nothing has gone right, in fact everything that could go wrong is going wrong. Unfortunately there's no cure for this ailment, other than going back to bed, and hoping for a better day tomorrow.

The other bad hair day - that's when you get up, look in the mirror - and scream. So you dash to the shower, shampoo and condition your hair, dry it, brush it, and - stand in front of the mirror, pray, and open your eyes. With luck you've cured the nightmare, but if you haven't, stick your head back in the shower and rinse, rinse, rinse. Sometimes that's all a bad hair day really is, you've rushed so much you haven't rinsed your hair properly. If that doesn't work, you could always follow Madonna and wear a flat cap.

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One Really Bad Hair Day:

A 19-year-old drug smuggler, arriving in the US from Colombia, attempted to conceal £50,000's-worth of heroin under a toupee. To make sure none fell out, he used super glue to attach the 40 packets to his head.

Because he used super glue, they took him to a medical facility to have it removed. Even at that, it pulled out the hair wherever they removed a package, so he ended up looking like a spotted cat.
- Officer Jennifer Conners

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Absolutism killed Charles the First;
Absolution denied, he was cursed
With a permanent bob
By the barbarous mob.
A bad hair day? The absolute worst.

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Really bad hair day:

A mother bought her daughter a Ken doll that had real hair. One day the mother noticed that the hair had lice in it. She was disguted and decided to boil the doll in a pan. As the lice died she carefully skimmed them out of the water with a ladel.

Unfortunately, the stench of the dead lice caused her to sneeze and she blew the dead lice all over the stove.

Moral: "The best ladeled pans of lice and Ken oft turn to spray."

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Bad hair day can crush a woman's self esteem:

Misty Harris, CanWest News Service
Published: Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The most educated and empowered generation of women in history can still be rendered vulnerable by a bad hair day, according to a study released today.

The 10-country survey revealed that two-thirds of females aged 15 to 64 will disengage from normal activity if they feel badly about their looks.

One in five Canadian women said low self-esteem would prevent them from giving their opinion on an issue -- slightly higher than the global average of 17 per cent -- and roughly one in 10 would skip a doctor's appointment because of it.

Worldwide, one in four women has passed on a social event, one in five has shunned physical activity, and others have avoided joining a club (18 per cent), going to a job interview (16 per cent), or hitting the beach, spa or swimming pool (29 per cent) because they experienced discomfort with their looks.

"The extent to which girls and women are changing their lives to accommodate how they feel about themselves is really alarming," says Sharon MacLeod, spokesperson for the Dove Self-Esteem Fund, which commissioned the survey.

The bleakest statistics are from Japan, where 94 per cent of women have disengaged from normal activity because of how they look: nearly half (49 per cent) have avoided giving an opinion, 51 per cent have avoided a doctor's visit, and 61 per cent have avoided, or would avoid, a job interview.

On the positive side, the survey also revealed mothers wield the power to prevent such behaviours early in life.

Of the 3,300 women surveyed, 61 per cent said their moms had positively shaped their ideas about beauty. Further, when mothers were named as the primary influence on such ideas, other family members were likely to play a greater role and the media's authority was significantly reduced.

More than any other nationality surveyed, Canadian women said they want to change their body weight (55 per cent, versus the global average of 42 per cent). Twenty-six per cent of Canadian women want to alter their skin complexion (versus the global average of 15 per cent), and 22 per cent want to change the way their face looks in general (versus the global average of 13 per cent).

Seventeen per cent of Canadian girls aged 15 to 17 admitted to having experienced disordered eating, such as binging and purging or refusing to eat; for those aged 18 to 64, the number shrank to nine per cent.
© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2006

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HAVE A GOOD HAIR DAY!

Rejection Hurts...Literally

Rejection Hurts - Literally

By Larry Axmaker, EdD, PhD

The survival of the human race has relied largely on the ability of diverse personalities to get along together, work together, and develop supportive social groups. Sociologists believe that humans are motivated to form stable, lasting relationships with others. So, when you are rejected or excluded from the group, the results can be traumatic.

Recent research has shown that the human brain responds to social rejection much the same way it does to physical pain. To the brain, pain is pain - whatever the cause. Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) was used to monitor brain activity during experiments. The MRI results for activities where rejection was instituted showed similar brain activity to actual physical pain situations.

In another study, college students who were socially rejected in a carefully controlled laboratory setting became hostile and aggressive toward the person rejecting them - even though the rejection was only part of a game they all agreed to play.

Common sense would dictate that the best way to overcome social rejection would be to be pleasant and friendly to others, be helpful, and strive to improve relationships. In the research studies discussed here, the results were nearly the opposite - rejection triggered anger and aggression.

Even the fear of rejection can trigger aggression in social situations. Young children and teens are more likely to become physically aggressive; adults more likely verbally aggressive. However, occurrences of violence such as mass shootings have been traced to social or employment rejection in adults.

Can Aggressive Response to Rejection be Avoided?
Rejection is common in social situations from pre-school and continues throughout life. Children who have been rejected or disliked in school often display long-term anti-social or aggressive behaviors. Children involved in good peer relationships have fewer aggressive behaviors as adults.

Types of helpful, inclusive activities for children-

* Organized and supervised group activities

* Social problem-solving training

* Peer mediated interventions

* Self-management training - including anger management

* Peer or adult coaching

* Supportive and loving family interactions

Overcoming rejection for adults-

* Counseling - build self esteem, confidence

* Participation in supportive groups - social, sports, religious, interest

* Focusing on strengths

* Learning from social situations - when rejection occurs, don't repeat that behavior/situation

* Sharing feelings with family and friends

* Staying positive - a can-do attitude

If someone in your life shows unusually aggressive, angry, or withdrawn behavior, encourage that person to get professional help - even if it's you.

God will not reject you because of your weaknesses or mistakes. He desires to heal you from past hurts caused by rejection. He wants you to know He will never reject you.

All whom My Father gives (entrusts) to Me will come to Me; and the one who comes to Me I will most certainly not cast out [I will never, no never, reject one of them who comes to Me].
- JOHN 6:37

Computer: Male Or Female?

A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as "She" or "Her". But was unsure what was proper for computers. To solve his dilemma, he set up two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and the other group was female.

The group of women reported that computers should be referred to as "HE" because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.

The group of men reported that computers should be referred to as "SHE" because:

1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Inner Peace

* If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
* If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
* If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
* If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
* If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
* If you can overlook people taking things out on you when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong,
* If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
* If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
* If you can conquer tension without medical help,
* If you can relax without liquor.
* If you can always sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then........

You are probably the family dog.

His Most Precious Possession

The story is told of two soldiers who had recently been released from a prison camp in Siberia following World War II. "We did our best," said an officer, "to repatriate the men as fast as possible, but many were still there when winter threatened to close up the port." Only a limited number could board the last small boat...

Among those waiting to be transported were two who had been friends all through
the war. One of them was selected, but the other seemed doomed to remain behind. An order was given that those who were leaving could take only one important item
of luggage. The heart of the man who was chosen went out to his friend, so he emptied his duffle bag of its prized souvenirs and his personal belongings and told
his companion to get into the canvas sack. Then carefully lifting the bag on his shoulders, he boarded the ship with his dear friend -- his single, most precious possession!

Because of our sins, you and I are doomed! "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 3:23; 6:23). However, Jesus Christ died on the cross on our behalf as payment for our sins (2 Corinthians 5:21). Jesus did this willingly so that you and I might gain safe passage "home" to live together with our Heavenly Father for eternity. Our "ticket" home came at a great personal cost to Him, however His self-sacrifice was motivated by His great love for us. "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends" (John 15:13).

Through the death of Jesus, a "new and living way" has been opened up for us to enter that heavenly home (Hebrews 10:22). Accessing this way to heaven requires faith (Romans 5:1), repentance (Acts 17:30-31), confession (Romans 10:9-10), baptism (immersion) for the forgiveness of sins (Acts 2:38), AND faithful obedience in walking the well-lit path of righteousness (1 John 1:7).

The last ship is leaving... Can you hear the boarding call ( Mark 16:15-16)?
Jesus has given up everything so that He can take you with Him into that ship whose destination is the safe harbor of heaven. Don't be left behind -- YOU are HIS most precious possession!

Will YOU allow Him to carry you home?

-David A. Sargent, Minister

Memo From God

FROM: GOD
TO: YOU

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you.

1. QUIT WORRYING

Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST

Something needs to be done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME

Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs,your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE

Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME

I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH

I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE

You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT

I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND

Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF

As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget that!

With all My heart I love YOU!
God

It's Not Long Enough

"Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be."
~Fanny Brice
American Comedienne 1894-1951


When we choose to place our lives on hold until we think we are
good enough or attractive enough or thin enough or rich enough or
wise enough, we quite often discover, to our dismay, that life
simply isn't long enough. You did not come here to wait. You came
to live. Start living today. -Kate Nowak

Run To Win

Paul had the Olympics in mind when he wrote 1 Corinthians 9:24,
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize".

We should run to win, not simply finish.
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph... (2 Corinthians 2:14 KJV).
God doesn’t lead us to lose. He leads us into triumph, always!

God never made a failure! Failure is man-made. We should have a winning attitude.
"But not everyone wins," you may exclaim! Yes, but in our race we compete with no one. God puts everyone one of us on our own track. This means that everyone can win, as long as we all run the race marked out for us. Many get off of their track and race in someone else’s course. Stick with your course and you can win!

Discipline:

Look at the next verse and you’ll find that discipline in necessary to succeed:

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training... (1 Corinthians 9:25)

To make your plans work you must be willing to discipline your life. If you think sticking to your plans will be easy, then you are deceived.

Make your plans long range, yet with many short-range increments. For example, if you desire to lose thirty pounds, then set a short-range goal of losing ten pounds in the first month; then eight pounds for the next month; seven pounds for the third, and five pounds for the final fourth month. This way you can be encouraged by your progress every month and still reach your final goal.

Make your goals tough enough so that it takes effort, but realistic enough so that you won’t be discouraged. It would be foolish to plan to lose thirty pounds in two weeks. You probably won’t make it, and as a result become discouraged. On the other hand, it would not take much effort to plan to lose thirty pounds in three and a half years. With no challenge, you’ll become a blimp real soon.

Anything worthwhile does not come cheap. Anything valuable will cost you much. Realize that!

Colonel Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, was willing to sacrifice to get his business started, so he lived in his automobile in order to start his chicken restaurant because he couldn’t afford a place to live and finance his business at the same time. Not only was he willing to give up comfort, but he started the fast-food restaurant after he retired. You’re not too old to have a dream!

You must be willing to sacrifice unimportant things in order to accomplish your goals.

Direction:

You must also have direction. 1 Corinthians 9:26 goes on to say,

Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.

Here the apostle says that the race he’s running has direction. He is not running aimlessly or beating the air, which has no value.

Many people are working on perspiration instead of inspiration. They are working hard, but they aren’t going anywhere. They are like the person peddling a bike on a stand, but the bike isn’t moving forward. Hard work is necessary, but hard work without direction is profitless. Some people glorify sweat instead of creativity.

I live among some of the hardest workers in America, yet most live under the poverty level. The reason: they’re working without a strategy. They labor, toil and plod along without a course.

Your plans must have direction. Working a plan with direction will keep you on your path. Is what you are doing actually advancing you to your purpose? or is it drawing you further from your dreams? Don’t run aimlessly or beat the air; find an objective for your labor, and go toward it.

Determination:

Finally, you must have determination to follow your plans. 1 Corinthians 9:27:

No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Paul did not want to be embarrassed by dropping out of the race.

Paul says also in 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race." There is nothing more embarrassing than to start a project only to give up. Don’t allow your flesh to overrule your life. You must beat your body and make it your slave. This means you must not give in to the weakness of the flesh. The flesh can become tired and discouraged when it faces obstacles. But those obstacles provide you with opportunities to strengthen your faith.

Your faith becomes strong when you strive against those difficulties. Faith is like a muscle. You develop muscles not simply by eating nutritious foods, but by exercising. Some Christians think that they can have strong faith simply by feeding on the Word of God. But this is not true. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God, but it does not develop strength by the Word alone.

James 1:3-4 says,

Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Your faith is tested through hardship.

Read carefully these words: Your faith does not become strong through trials, it only becomes strong when you overcome the trials.

Many traditional Christians have erroneously been taught to embrace trials. In other words, "Accept your trials, accept the problems you are going through," they often say. "Learn to cope with your problems."

But God has called you to be a "world overcomer" not a "world coper." You are not to accept your difficulties as if they came from God; you are to resist those situations as coming from Satan. He is the tryer of your faith.

A trial can be compared to a weight barbell. Imagine yourself lying on your back and having a heavy barbell placed on your chest. Do you become strong by allowing it to stay on your chest? No! You become strong when you push it up and away from you.

Your faith works the same way as your arms. Your faith becomes stronger when you push the trial away from you, not when you allow the trial to stay on you. So in the end, trials can be beneficial, if you fight against them.

You will have many trials when you pursue your dreams. So don’t be surprised. Just overcome them. Use the stumbling blocks as stepping stones to greater achievement.

Ice Cream Cone:

Many years ago, a man bought a little ice cream stand at a state fair. The hot weather boosted sales until the man ran out of bowls. He approached other ice cream vendors, asking for bowls, but none were willing to part with theirs for fear of running out, too.

Dejected, he walked back to his little stand to close up for the day until he could purchase more bowls. Walking back, he spotted a man doing poorly with his waffle stand. After all, who wanted to eat messy waffles on a hot day?

He had an idea! The ice cream man asked the vendor to sell him the entire waffle stand. The man agreed.

He joined together his newly-acquired waffle stand and his ice cream stand. He immediately began to make waffles, shaping them into cones. He increased his price and started selling the world’s first ice cream cone.

What appeared to be a setback turned into a stepping stone! Sometimes periods of crisis are simply opportunities in disguise. Don’t miss those opportunities.

Embarrassing Moments

If you ever have an embarrassing moment and need a little encouragement, check out what these other people have went through. Click on the words above the photo. You are not alone!

Humor And Old Age

(Retirement Isn't Enough...She Found A Second Income)

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Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The thin one leaned over and said, "Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.
The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."

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There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."

The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "You idiot, I tried. I sent three boats after you!!"

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?

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Percy , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Percy walking down the street with a
gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Percy and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"

Percy replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor: Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful."

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, You got a heart murmur.
Be careful."

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A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

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"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee.

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Retirement Quotes


"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." George Burns

"He is alive, but only in the sense that he can't be legally buried." Geoffrey Madan

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels." Groucho Marx

"People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." George Burns

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." Bob Hope

"When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick." George Burns

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." Rita Rudner

"I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time." Greer Garson

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." George Burns

"Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate." Woody Allen

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere."
George Burns

"Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did." Robert Benchley

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt." Herbert Hoover

"I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill." George Burns

"Sex at the age of eighty-four is a wonderful experience. Especially the one in the winter."
Milton Berle

"The secret of longevity is to keep breathing." Sophie Tucker

"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual." Patrick Moore

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." Woody Allen

"At my age flowers scare me." George Burns

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping." Rita Rudner

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen

"The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to deal with - sudden death." Michael Phelps

"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes." Emo Philips

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off." Johnny Carson

"A grave is a place where the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student." Ambrose Bierce

"If your time hasn't come, not even a doctor can kill you." MA Perlstein
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying." Woody Allen

"There are three natural anaesthetics: Sleep, fainting, and death." Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped." Groucho Marx

"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it."
Somerset Maugham

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" Woody Allen

"Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down." Dick Sharples

"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." Garrison Kielor

"The report of my death was an exaggeration." Mark Twain

"I don't mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day." George Axlerod

"It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life." Jimi Hendrix

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Mariah Carey

"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate." Ambrose Bierce

"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?" Margaret Smith

"I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death." Phyllis Diller

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down."
Woody Allen

"Picasso was a delightful, kindly, friendly, simple little man. When I met him he was extremely excited and overjoyed that his mother-in-law had just died, and he was looking forward to the funeral." Edith Sitwell

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying." Ed Furgol

"When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence." Brendan Behan

"The court was not previously aware of the prisoner's many accomplishments. In view of these, we see fit to impose the death penalty." Quentin Crisp

"When you've told someone that you've left them a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once." Samuel Butler

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
Bob Hope

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom

Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
Mike Tyson

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.
John Mendoza

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.
Robert Quillen

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
Geoffrey Parfitt

10 Ways To Fight Hate

SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA...

Every hour someone commits a hate crime.

Every day at least eight blacks, three whites, three gays, three Jews and one Latino become hate crime victims.

Every week a cross is burned.

Hate in America is a dreadful, daily constant. The dragging death of a black man in Jasper, Texas; the crucifixion of a gay man in Laramie, Wyo.; and post-9.11 hate crimes against hundreds of Arab Americans, Muslim Americans and Sikhs are not "isolated incidents." They are eruptions of a nation's intolerance.

Bias is a human condition, and American history is rife with prejudice against groups and individuals because of their race, religion, disability, sexual orientation or other differences. The 20th century saw major progress in outlawing discrimination, and most Americans today support integrated schools and neighborhoods. But stereotypes and unequal treatment persist, an atmosphere often exploited by hate groups.

When bias motivates an unlawful act, it is considered a hate crime. Race and religion inspire most hate crimes, but hate today wears many faces. Bias incidents (eruptions of hate where no crime is committed) also tear communities apart — and threaten to escalate into actual crimes.

According to FBI statistics, the greatest growth in hate crimes in recent years is against Asian Americans and the gay and lesbian community. Once considered a Southern phenomenon, today most hate crimes are reported in the North and West.

And these numbers are just the tip of the iceberg. Law enforcement officials acknowledge that hate crimes — similar to rape and family violence crimes — go under-reported, with many victims reluctant to go to the police, and some police agencies not fully trained in recognizing or investigating hate crimes.

The good news is ...
All over the country people are fighting hate, standing up to promote tolerance and inclusion. More often than not, when hate flares up, good people rise up against it — often in greater numbers and with stronger voices.

This guide sets out 10 principles for fighting hate, along with a collection of inspiring stories of people who worked to push hate out of their communities.

Whether you need a crash course to deal with an upcoming white-power rally, a primer on the media or a long-range plan to promote tolerance in your community, you will find practical advice, timely examples and helpful resources in this guide. The steps outlined here have been tested in scores of communities across the nation by a wide range of human rights, faith and civic organizations.

Our experience shows that one person, acting from conscience and love, is able to neutralize bigotry. Imagine, then, what an entire community, working together, might do:

1. ACT

Do something. In the face of hatred, apathy will be interpreted as acceptance — by the perpetrators, the public and, worse, the victims. Decent people must take action; if we don't, hate persists.When a hate crime occurs or a hate group rallies, good people often feel helpless. We encourage you to act, for the following reasons:

Hate is an open attack on tolerance and decency. It must be countered with acts of goodness. Sitting home with your virtue does no good. In the face of hate, silence is deadly. Apathy will be interpreted as acceptance - by the perpetrators, the public and, worse, the victims. If left unchallenged, hate persists and grows.

Hate is an attack on a community's health. Hate tears society along racial, ethnic, gender and religious lines. The U.S. Department of Justice warns that hate crimes, more than any other crime, can trigger larger community conflict, civil disturbances and even riots. For all their "patriotic" rhetoric, hate groups and their freelance imitators are really trying to divide us; their views are fundamentally anti-democratic. True patriots fight hate.

Hate escalates. Take seriously the smallest hint of hate — even what appears to be simple name-calling. The Department of Justice again has a warning: Slurs often escalate to harassment, harassment to threats and threats to physical violence. Don't wait to fight hate.

2. UNITE

Call a friend or co-worker. Organize allies from churches, schools, clubs and other civic groups. Create a diverse coalition. Include children, police and the media. Gather ideas from everyone, and get everyone involved.

Others share your instinct for tolerance. There is power in numbers in the fight against hate. Asking for help and organizing a group reduces personal fear and vulnerability, spreads the workload and increases creativity and impact. Coalitions for tolerance can stand up to — and isolate — organized hate groups. You and your allies can help educate others as you work to eradicate hate.

A hate crime often creates an opportunity for a community's first dialogue on race, homophobia or prejudice. It can help bridge the gap between neighborhoods and law enforcement. More people than we imagine want to do something; they just need a little push. As the creator of Project Lemonade found, "There are plenty of people of good conscience out there."

3. SUPPORT THE VICTIMS

Hate-crime victims are especially vulnerable, fearful and alone. If you're a victim, report every incident — in detail — and ask for help. If you learn about a hate-crime victim in your community, show support. Let victims know you care. Surround them with comfort and protection.

Victims of hate crimes feel terribly alone and afraid. They have been attacked simply for being who they are — their skin color, their ethnicity, their sexual orientation. Silence amplifies their isolation; it also tacitly condones the act of hate. Victims need a strong, quick message that they are valued. Small acts of kindness — a phone call, a letter - can help.

Often, hate attacks include vicious symbols: a burning cross, a noose, a swastika. Such symbols evoke a history of hatred. They also reverberate beyond individual victims, leaving entire communities vulnerable and afraid.

And because they may fear "the system," some victims may welcome the presence of others at the police station or courthouse. Local human rights organizations often provide such support, but individuals also may step forward.

4. DO YOUR HOMEWORK

An informed campaign improves its effectiveness. Determine if a hate group is involved, and research its symbols and agenda. Understand the difference between a hate crime and a bias incident.

5. CREATE AN ALTERNATIVE

Hate has a First Amendment right. Courts have routinely upheld the constitutional right of the Ku Klux Klan and other hate groups to hold rallies and say what they want. Communities can restrict group movements to avoid conflicts with other citizens, but hate rallies will continue. Your efforts should focus on channeling people away from hate rallies and toward tolerance.

Do Not Attend a Hate Rally. As much as you'd like to physically show your opposition to hate, shout back or throw something, confrontations serve only the perpetrators. They also burden law enforcement with protecting hate-mongers against otherwise law-abiding citizens.

Every act of hatred should be met with an act of love and unity.

Many communities facing a hate-group rally have held alternative events at the same hour, some distance away, emphasizing strength in community and diversity. They have included picnics, parades and unity fairs featuring food, music, exhibits and entertainment. These events give people a safe outlet for the frustration and anger they want to vent.


6. SPEAK UP

Hate must be exposed and denounced. Help news organizations achieve balance and depth. Do not debate hate-group members in conflict-driven forums. Instead, speak up in ways that draw attention away from hate, toward unity.

Goodness has a First Amendment right, too. We urge you to denounce hate groups and hate crimes and to spread the truth about hate's threat to a pluralistic society. An informed and unified community is the best defense against hate.

You can spread tolerance through church bulletins, door-to-door fliers, websites, local cable TV bulletin boards, letters to the editor and print advertisements. Hate shrivels under strong light. Beneath their neo-Nazi exteriors, hate purveyors are cowards, surprisingly subject to public pressure and ostracism.

7. LOBBY LEADERS

Valerie Downes photo Elected officials and other community leaders can be important allies in the fight against hate. But some must overcome reluctance — and others, their own biases — before they're able to take a stand.

The fight against hate needs community leaders willing to take an active role. Mayors and police chiefs, college presidents and school principals, local clergy and corporate CEOs: Their support and leadership can help your community address the root causes of hate and help turn bias incidents into experiences from which your community can learn and heal.

When leaders step forward and act swiftly in the wake of a hate incident, victims feel supported, community members feel safe, and space for action and dialogue can grow.

Too often, the fear of negative publicity, a lack of partnerships with affected communities, and a failure to understand the root causes of hate and bias can prevent leaders from stepping up. Their silence creates a vacuum in which rumors spread, victims feel ignored and perpetrators find tacit acceptance.

Form relationships with community leaders before a hate incident occurs. Educate community leaders about the causes and effects of hate. Demand a quick, serious police response. Demand a strong public statement by political leaders. Encourage leaders to name the problem. Lobby for action.


8. LOOK LONG RANGE

Promote tolerance and address bias before another hate crime can occur. Expand your community's comfort zones so you can learn and live together.

Hate usually doesn't strike communities from some distant place. It often begins at home, brewing silently under the surface. Hate can grow out of divided communities, communities in which residents feel powerless or voiceless, communities in which differences are the cause of fear instead of celebration.

The best cure for hate is a tolerant, united community. Hate exists "because the ground in the area is receptive for it," says Steven Johns Boehme, leader of the Michigan Ecumenical Forum. "If you drop the seeds of prejudice in soil that is not receptive, they won't take root."

Experts say the first step in changing hearts is to change behavior. Personal changes are important — the positive statements you make about others, unlearning assumptions about people who are different — but communitywide changes are instrumental, too.

Often, either after a bias incident or as a tool for preventing one, communities want to sponsor multicultural food festivals and other events to celebrate differences. These are important steps in helping community members feel acknowledged and appreciated. We encourage you to sponsor these — and we encourage you to go deeper.


9. TEACH TOLERANCE

Bias is learned in childhood. By age 3, children can be aware of racial differences and may have the perception that "white" is desirable. By age 12, they can hold stereotypes about ethnic, racial and religious groups. Because stereotypes underlie hate, and because almost half of all hate crimes are committed by young men under 20, tolerance education is critical.

Schools are an ideal environment to counter bias, because they mix youth of different backgrounds, place them on equal footing and allow one-on-one interaction. Children also are naturally curious about people who are different.

Acknowledge differences among students and celebrate the uniqueness of everyone. Promote inclusion and fairness, but allow discussions of all feelings, including bias learned at home and the street. Teach older children to look critically at stereotypes portrayed by the media. Teach mediation skills to kids.

10. DIG DEEPER

Look inside yourself for prejudices and stereotypes. Build your own cultural competency, then keep working to expose discrimination wherever it happens — in housing, employment, education and more.

Tolerance, fundamentally, is a personal decision. It comes from an attitude that is learnable and embraceable: a belief that every voice matters, that all people are valuable, that no one is "less than."

We all grow up with prejudices. Acknowledging them — and working through them — can be a scary and difficult process. It's also one of the most important steps toward breaking down the walls of silence that allow intolerance to grow. Luckily, we all possess the power to overcome our ignorance and fear, and to influence our children, peers and communities.

It Begins With Me. Sooner or later, your personal exploration will bump up against issues that take more than one person to solve. Investigating your own prejudices will reveal a country with deep, systemic and unresolved prejudice and discrimination.

These issues cry out for answers and people to take them on. Why not start today?

The most important step is the first one ...

Tolerance

Take the Tolerance Pledge:

Tolerance is a personal decision that comes from a belief that every person is a treasure. I believe that America's diversity is its strength. I also recognize that ignorance, insensitivity and bigotry can turn that diversity into a source of prejudice and discrimination.

To help keep diversity a wellspring of strength and make America a better place for all, I pledge to have respect for people whose abilities, beliefs, culture, race, sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own.


To fulfill my pledge, I will

-examine my own biases and work to overcome them
-set a positive example for my family and friends
-work for tolerance in my own community
-speak out against hate and injustice.

We Share A World!

For all our differences, we share one world. To be tolerant is to welcome the differences and delight in the sharing.

Feelings

You Are Not Alone !!!

The purpose of this page is to look at the complex issues of feelings that abuse victims can experience. It is our hope that if you are a victim, you will realise that whatever your feelings, you are not alone.

Understanding your own feelings can help you to gain some self respect.

If you are a friend or trusted relative of a victim, this page may help you to understand just a little more about them.

All victims do not experience all emotions in the same way, but here are some examples of what a sexual abuse victim can feel.

Fear - Abuse victims are often afraid, and not only of their abuser. They may be afraid of telling anyone about their abuse. Sometimes the abuser has repeatedly told them that they will not be believed or that they will be punished if they tell anyone. They may be afraid of losing the trust of a friend or relative if they tell them. The fear experienced by an abuse victim is very deep and very real. Fear can be triggered by a wide variety of situations, comments and actions. An abuser may consciously use fear to control his/her victim. Innocent comments made by friends or relatives, newspaper articles, television items, a knock at the door, the telephone bell, a sound, a smell; - these and many other apparently simple things can trigger the onset of fear in a victim, sometimes to the point of creating a panic attack.

Loneliness - Naturally, an abuse victim may feel extremely lonely, even in a crowded room. A victim's friends or close relatives may not be able to see this loneliness, and that can make the loneliness even more difficult to bear. The pain and suffering an abuse victim experiences is not visible to others. It is in their mind and in their heart. If you are a victim, and feeling lonely, please do not be afraid to e-mail me privately, post a message, or contact one of the help organizations.

Controlled - Often, the abuser thrives on being in control. This is made easier for him/her if their victim is a child. A victim can feel that control even if the abuser is far away. Once a victim has found the courage to tell someone about their situation, it is important that they are allowed to be in control of what happens next. Well meaning friends or relatives naturally want to protect the victim, but supporting a victim is more important than taking control of the situation.
For a victim, learning to regain control of themselves can take some time, but it is an integral part of the healing process.

Guilt - To someone who has not been abused, this may seem difficult to understand, but abused people often feel guilty. An abuser may condition his/her victim into believing that what is happening is their own fault. A victim who has been brought up to understand the difference between right and wrong may feel that they should be able to do something to stop the abuse, but because they cannot, they may feel guilty. If this is how you feel, please understand that although this a natural reaction, you have no need to feel guilty. Your abuser is the only guilty party.
You have done nothing wrong! - and your abuser has made you feel guilty in order to protect himself/herself from detection.

Worthless - Because of the nature of the suffering, a victim may feel worthless and/or dirty. This is quite natural, but not justified. Often these feelings may be encouraged by the abuser because it makes his/her victim weaker and easier to control, but the truth is that it is the abuser who is worthless and dirty.
If you are a victim, please believe that you are a valuable member of the human race and you have done nothing to be ashamed of. Believe it, because it is true!

Helpless - Intimidated by an abuser, a victim may feel helpless, having been told that all kinds of awful things will happen if they tell anyone. If you feel like this, be aware that you have a right to live in safety and without abuse. Often the reactions an abuser has predicted do not materialise, and people will listen to you and believe you. It may be very difficult for you to tell someone, because your abuser has made you believe that it would not help you. If you can not tell someone you know, then tell a stranger. Me, or an organization that specializes in helping abuse victims, a friend's parent, a teacher, a social worker, a doctor, a nurse or the police. If you feel that you cannot do anything to help yourself, get someone else to help you. You deserve to be free of your abuser, and the power of good is on your side!

Listen!

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advise
you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked, was that you listen
not talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap - a buck will get you both Dear
Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless.
Maybe disgouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do
for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince
you and can get about the business of understanding what's
behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I
don't need advice.
Irrational feelings make sence when we understand
what's behind them...

So, please listen and just hear me. And, if you want to talk, wait a
minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you.

Do's And Don'ts Of Dealing With Survivors

Believe the survivor.
Even if she/he doubts themselves, believe it.
People do not make up stories of abuse/assault.
Let the survivor know that you are open to hearing
anything he/she wishes to share.

Join with the survivor in validating the damage
and be clear that abuse is never the survivor's
fault. The way the survivor dresses or 'behaves'
is not a reason for the abuse.

Don't sympathize with the assailant.
The survivor needs your absolute loyalty.
Respect the time and space it takes to heal,
and encourage the survivor to get support.
Get help if the survivor is suicidal and accept
that there will very likely be major changes
in your relationship with the survivor as she/he heals.

Messages that are important for the survivor
to receive during the healing process:

*I believe you.
*It's not your fault.
*I'm interested in hearing more.
*Let me go through it with you this time.
*Tell me what you're remembering.
*How can I help you feel safe?
*It's a normal responce to a horrible experience.
*Help me understand.
*Nothing you can say will push me away.
*Feelings aren't rational, they just 'are'.
*I'd feel angry too.
*If there are things you don't want to share with me, it's OK.

Messages that can sound blaming and discouraging:

*Did you try to stop the abuse/assault?
*Did you provoke it?
*Did you try to tell someone?
*Why didn't you try to do more at the time?
*Why were you in that situation in
the first place?
*Why do you think it happened to you?
*You can't blame others for your problems all your life.
*Aren't you over it yet?
*Can't we stop thinking/talking
about it for a while?
*We've all had bad things happen to us;
you are not special.
*That's not something I'd go around
talking about if I were you.
*Can't you just forget about it
and get on with your life?
*Pretend it never happened.

REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!
YOU ARE ENTITLED TO HAVE FEELINGS!

In helping the survivor, you might experience many
feelings. Recovery can be a long, slow process that may
take years. You may fear that the survivor will never be the
same again. You may feel guilt for what happened
to your loved one.
However, it is important to realize that your
feelings are natural. You have to try to
understand that the perpetrator
committed the crime - not you. You also should make
sure to help YOURSELF. Talk with people you can trust!
You too need support of others!
Do not take personally the hatred the
survivor might feel towards your gender,
if her/his perpetrator had the same gender as you do.
Talk to a counselor, educate yourself about rape
and rape prevention, and do not expect
to be able to make the survivor feel
better all of the time. Do not blame either survivor
or yourself - the only person who is at fault is
the person who committed the crime.

Grow Beyond Survival

We who have survived
must grow beyond survival,
first to dream of healing
and of being healed,
then beyond the dream.
We owe a duty to ourselves
and to the world we live in
to take the steps necessary to be whole.
We pray this is the day when all survivers
have awakened to a knowledge of healing.

Love and Mutual Respect

I want to feel the love but I don’t want to be a maiden
I want to feel the power of your love but I need to be
seen as an equal human being
I want your strengths but not your rule
I want to be emancipated within you love

See me as I am
A woman to love who posses a determined mind
A passionate soul ignited by your light, and love

A woman that is truly the love of your life
to have and to hold

Still remember me too as one with similar needs
to flourish within this life
Comfort, kindness, intellectual pursuits, including
physical delights

I want your love, I need the warming of your touch
I want your strengths, your weaknesses, your maleness,
the wonders of your mind
I see your many dimensions, so please see mine
and we'll always share a love with value enhanced
with comfort and respect

Acknowledging and acceptance of my strengths
won't brand you as less of a man.

-"Lady Taurus"

Jokes For Today

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts they started across the country road until they came to a cemetary. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts. The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their nuts into one big pile. In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys proceeded to divide the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me." As, they were doing this another boy was passing by and heard them. He looked into the cemetary, but couldn't see the boys, because they were hidden by the oak tree. He hesitated for a moment then ran back to town. "Dad, Dad!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetary - come quick!" "What's the matter?" his father asked. "No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Come with me!" The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetary. They stopped at the road and all fell silent for a minute. Then the father asked his son what was wrong. "Did you hear that?" he whispered. They both listened intently and finally heard the scouts. "One for you, one for me. One for you...." The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!" The father was skeptical but silent --- until a few moments later as the Scouts finished dividing out the nuts and one said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts by the road, we'll have them all."

**************************************************************************

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began "I can explain". "Just be quiet." said the officer, "I am going to let you sit in jail and cool your heels until the cheif gets back.... "But Officer, I just wanted to say....." "And I said to keep quiet! Your going to jail!" yelled the officer. A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you the cheif is at his daughter's wedding. He should be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell, "I'm the groom".

****************************************************************************

The Best Blonde Joke Ever

This is truly the best blonde joke ever...

Joy Of Blonde Cooking

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough
to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve
without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend
home for supper.

WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before
steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I
can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before
serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients
in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe.
When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken He asked
me to dress it for Sunday ........oh boy. For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I
had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in
the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger,much to
my disappointment.

Good night, dear diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager
for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose!!