Following are Twelve Simple Secrets that you should know about her. When you're done reading them you'll have a better grip on what to do to make her smile a little brighter.
Secret #1
Romance is the key to sex - Romance is routine maintenance--yeah, like your car--to keep things running smoothly. Remember all those romantic things you did to win her in the first place? Keep doing them now and then. If you let her know often that you care, she stays open and responsive to your sexual overtures.
Romance is all the little things you do to let her know you care. Call her just to say hi. Buy her a gift "just because." (Remember, it isn't the cost of the gift, it's the thought.) And flowers, even the smallest bouquet, always work. How about mailing a card or leaving a note where she'll find it? Or planning a special outing, or arranging for a baby-sitter so you can take her to the movies? Anything that lets her know you've been thinking about her melts her heart. For her, romance and sex go hand-in-hand. If you want more sex, give her more romance.
Secret #2
For her, sex takes time - Okay, your romantic efforts have paid off and she's in the mood for sex. When asked what sex advice they'd give to men, women almost always say, "Tell them to SLOW DOWN!"
Think of sex as a slow, sensuous dance. Be gentle, seductive. (Rent the movie Don Juan deMarco and listen to how he talks about women and making love.) Explore her entire body. You both may be surprised what you find. Hold her like you never want to let her go. And give her lots of long, slow kisses. (Women often complain that men don't kiss enough.)
What you're doing is warming her up. You wouldn't take a Ferrari that's been sitting in your garage for a week, start it, and immediately run it up to 100 mph, would you? Well, think of her as a Ferrari.
Oh, and don't roll over and fall asleep immediately after sex. Women really hate this; they need to be held and they love a little pillow talk afterward, so stay awake for at least a few minutes. Then better yet, fall asleep holding her.
Secret #3
Talking is the way she connects with you - Women talk for the sheer pleasure of talking. It's how they connect to people. Because your woman has read this book she understands that a lot of what she talks about--all those little details--is boring to you. So, she's going to be more selective about what she says to you. But if you give her your full attention when she does talk to you, it becomes one of those romantic gestures. Got it?
And you know how she's always trying to get you to be "more intimate"? If you listen to her more, she'll think you are being more intimate. All you have to do is look at her and pay attention; she'll think she's died and gone to heaven. It's that important to her, and that simple.
Secret #4
She needs to hear you say you care - For her to really feel your love, you need to tell her in words. Of course, she wants to hear you say "I love you," but anything you say to let her know you care and appreciate her will earn you major points: "You're wonderful, do you know that?" "I'm so lucky to have you." "Do you know how much I love you?" Big points on that one. Whenever you say these things, look into her eyes and mean it. Remember this, you cannot tell her you love her too often. This definitely wins you points on the romance chart.
And, how often have you heard one of your buddies, who's gotten a divorce, say, "I never realized how much she did to make my life comfortable."
Secret #5
She needs to hear she's attractive - In today's culture, because of what they are taught as girls, and because of what they read in magazines and see on TV and in films, women get insecure about how they look and whether they're sexually appealing. So, tell her regularly--and let her know you mean it--that she's beautiful and sexy.
Compliment her on a new dress, the color she's wearing, or how her hair looks. Tell her she has soft skin, how much she turns you on, how pretty her breasts are. The more beautiful she feels, the sexier she'll feel. This should pay off big time in the bedroom.
Secret #6
Her feelings need to be honored - Her feelings are as important to her as your work (or maybe sports) is to you. That's why she likes to talk about them. She needs you to acknowledge what's going on for her when she's being emotional. Don't try to tell her that what she's feeling is "wrong" and don't try to fix the problem unless she asks you to. And never tell her "not to feel" her emotions. A sure-fire winner: ask her, "What are you feeling?" Then sit down and listen.
She understands that you get kind of uncomfortable when she's being emotional, but if you just let her express herself and listen with your full attention, she'll think you're the most sensitive man on the planet.
Secret #9
She needs your respect - Throughout history, and in many cultures even today, women have been second-class citizens, looked down on as less able in every category. Only recently have we begun to consider women worthy of respect. To be the open, loving woman you want, she needs you to honor her as a person and appreciate her contributions as a capable person. Don't treat her as a child. Don't judge or criticize her. Don't ignore her or take her for granted. Don't be rude. Treat her like a lady at all times and she'll treat you with the respect that you expect and enjoy.
Secret #10
She needs to feel secure - Your lady has a deep biological need to feel secure, to have a man provide for her and protect her. Financial security is obviously important, but even more than that, she needs to know you're there for her. That's one of the reasons she needs to hear you say "I love you."
What really helps is to give her ongoing affection and the reassurance of physical contact. If you do this every day, several times a day, you'll give her the security she needs. Hold her hand, put your arm around her, hug her, touch her in gentle and reassuring ways. The more secure she feels, the happier she'll be. When she's happy, she's open to you.
Secret #11
She needs your time and attention - Does she ever try to talk to you when you're reading the newspaper? Or walk in front of the TV in the middle of the play-offs? Does she complain that she never sees you, never has time to talk with you, or that you don't even know she's alive? If so, it's a plea for your attention. She knows how focused you can be when you're working, but she feels left out. It's part of that security thing.
What to do? Set aside time now and then to focus on her. Let her know she's important enough to devote yourself to her completely and she'll be less likely to feel ignored. The rewards will far outweigh the effort.
Secret #12
She wants a man who makes her feel like a woman - She'll choose you because of your masculine qualities. Qualities that make her feel more womanly. In your presence, she feels protected, provided for, and loved. Be masculine, but do it with sensuality and sensitivity. Be hungry for her, be passionate, be strong, but be tender, as if she were a delicate flower. And, yes, open the car door for her, carry heavy things for her, pull out her chair. The feminist movement did a lot of damage to romance but if she's not into feminism, she's into love and romance. That means you. Be chivalrous, be gallant, be thoughtful, and win her heart... over and over again.
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