"SALES GIRL"
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't, and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the sea shore...."
"THE VISITING NUN"
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.
After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers. The first one says, "Hello, I am Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles." "I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. "I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar." She turned to the other Brother and said, "Then you must be....?" "Yes, I'm afraid so..... I am the chip monk."
"CAR ACCIDENT"
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days". Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."
"DEAD DUCK!"
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.
He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hindlegs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its peak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried."$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."
"BOOTS!"
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on.
When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots . . . "
"A Trip To The Zoo"
A man and his friend from Czechoslovakia went to the zoo. As they were watching the Lions, they got too close to the cage, and one of the Lions ate the man from Czechoslovakia. The man began screaming: "The Lion ate my friend, The Lion ate my friend!" The zoo keeper came running out and asked which one, the male or the female? The man hollered: "It was the male, it was the male!" The zoo keeper went into the cage and yanked opened the male's mouth and looked inside, but saw nobody there, it was the female that ate the man from Czechoslovakia.
Morale of the story: Never believe anyone, that tells you, that the Czech is in the male!
"Grizzly Warning!"
The Oregon Department of Fish and Game recently issued the following bulletin: In light of the rising frequency of mountain biker/hiker/grizzly bear conflicts, the Oregon Department of Fish and Game is advising mountain bikers, as well as hikers, fishermen and hunters to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise bikers to wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that are not expecting them. We also advise mountain bikers to carry pepper spray with them in the event of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity. Mountain bikers should recognize the difference between Black Bear and Grizzly Bear droppings: Black Bear droppings are smaller and contain lots of berries and squirrel fur; Grizzly Bear droppings have little bells and smell like pepper.
"Twins"
There were two twins, Juan & Amal. When they came of age, they left home. Juan being the sensitive twin, mailed his mother a photograph of himself. His mother was thrilled and ran to her husband and exclaimed: Look, Juan sent me a picture of himself, I wish Amal would do the same! The husband answered: They're twins, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal. Thanks Jim from Lititz, Pa.!
"A Pirate and a Land-Lubber"
A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape.
He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you loose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."
Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye? The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked, "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook!"
"The Golden Saloon"
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the heck have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." says the bartender. "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?" There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!"
"The Sin Of Lying"
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
"Three Monks"
There were 3 friar monks that decided to become florists, and much to the disliking of the only other florist in town, the 3 friar monks opened a very profitable flower shop! The other florist hired a street thug named "HUGH" to run the 3 friar monks out of town, which Hugh successfully did! Moral of the story: "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars!" This joke was sent in by Jim from Lititz. Thanks for the snicker Jim!
"Bathroom Humor!"
If you're American when you're going into the restroom, and you're American when you're coming out of the restroom, what nationality are you "while" you're in the restroom? European! Thanks for the giggle Annette from Cape Canaveral, Florida!
"New Pet!"
This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!
"Male or Female?!"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
"Smart Lady!"
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Having children is an act of God!" Silence fell on the congregation. In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers."
"Final Answer..."
A husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". The husband asks for sex. The wife says, "No." Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" She responds, "Yes." He says, "Then, I'd like to phone a friend."
"Cell Phones And Blonds"
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says, "How do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." What's that, baby?" asks the husband. She answers in a questioning voice, "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
"Missionary"
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
Bunny Parade
What do you call forty rabbits walking backword? A receding hairline!! Annette from Cape Canaveral, Florida sent in this cute joke. In appreciation for sharing this joke with us,Annette will recieve a bunch of carrots and a bottle of Rogaine!
Old Age
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."
"Bad Day Of Golf
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wraped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake. "What did you do?" asks the doctor. Well.. I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
"Short But Sweet"
Two potato's were standing on the street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute? Answer: One has a little sticker that sez: " IDAHO "
"Coffee Time!"
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"
"Old Age"
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy receded every request to his wife with endearing terms calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wondereful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
A Chuckel For You!
A man and wife are asleep in bed when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stanger, "can you give me a push?" "No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??" "But the guy was drunk." says the husband. "It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?" And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."
"Midlife Crisis"
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange......." "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied. "Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet, and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "I see." "That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl." "Uh-huh." "That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored. "I'm scared out of my wits!" The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about........ You're simply going through the Change."
Friday, June 30, 2006
True Dumb Oregon Laws
# Dishes must drip dry.
# The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
# It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
# Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
# You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
# One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
# Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
Beaverton
# You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
Eugene
# It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. (Repealed in the 1970s)
# It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
Hood River
# Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.
Klamath Falls
# It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.
Portland
# It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. (Repealed in 1989)
# People may not whistle underwater.
# You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.
Marion
# Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
Myrtle Creek
# One may not box with a kangaroo.
Salem
# Women may not wrestle in Salem.
Springfield
# It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.
Stanfield
# Cloth towel dispensers are banned from restrooms.
# No more than two people may share a single drink.
# The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
# It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
# Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
# You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
# One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
# Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
Beaverton
# You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
Eugene
# It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays. (Repealed in the 1970s)
# It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
Hood River
# Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.
Klamath Falls
# It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.
Portland
# It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. (Repealed in 1989)
# People may not whistle underwater.
# You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.
Marion
# Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
Myrtle Creek
# One may not box with a kangaroo.
Salem
# Women may not wrestle in Salem.
Springfield
# It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.
Stanfield
# Cloth towel dispensers are banned from restrooms.
# No more than two people may share a single drink.
Martha Stewarts Guide for Rednecks
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change
sheets.
5. Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will
... it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the
funeral.
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the
vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter
how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
that should done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However if you live alone, deodorant is a waste
of money.
3. Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry & alter the taste
of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago.
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If
the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to
get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
as soon as the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they cannot hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks & shoes for this
special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires ALWAYS has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change
sheets.
5. Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will
... it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the
funeral.
DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the
vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a
taxidermist.
2. Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter
how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
that should done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However if you live alone, deodorant is a waste
of money.
3. Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry & alter the taste
of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago.
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If
the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to
get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
as soon as the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they cannot hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks & shoes for this
special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires ALWAYS has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Men's Thoughts
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask
us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting married is that married women always cut their hair,
and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests
to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious
hints do not work. Just say it!
16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound
to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look good with your dress?
19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than
deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the
quiz together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other
one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is
genetic.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come
out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you
want it done-not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their
right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut
blouses. We like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the
first two months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default
settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY
stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack
of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care
about you.
44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly
fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the
fantasy includes you AND her, together.
46. What the hell is a doily?
us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting married is that married women always cut their hair,
and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests
to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious
hints do not work. Just say it!
16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound
to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look good with your dress?
19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than
deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the
quiz together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other
one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is
genetic.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come
out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you
want it done-not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their
right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut
blouses. We like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the
first two months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default
settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY
stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack
of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care
about you.
44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly
fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the
fantasy includes you AND her, together.
46. What the hell is a doily?
Facing An Unwelcome Truth
We can do better when it comes to bearing the burdens of battered women.
by Janice Shaw Crouse
June 30, 2006
Gloria Steinem, an icon of feminism, often speaks—with irony and humor—of male oppression and patriarchy. She describes the persecution, oppression, and domination women have suffered throughout history at the hands of the Christian church. So goes the criticism of the relationship between Christ's church and women. Abuse, and yes, even violence.
While we can't change such one-sided characterizations of the institution we know represents our risen Lord, our Deliverer from oppression, we needn't make it so easy for them either.
We must face an unwelcome truth: Many of the attacks on the church come from women who have experienced great pain in their lives, either because someone in the church caused their pain or they found the church impotent in response. One woman tells of being counseled to be "more submissive" so that her husband would quit battering her. Another describes a Christian organization covering up the abuse of children by a powerful executive. Yet another describes her abuser as a wealthy, well-respected leader in her church and community. Another woman, in telling about her journey of escape from domestic violence, reports that when she finally found the courage to approach a pastor, he responded: "God never gives us more than we can handle."
It is, of course, true that God gives us grace to handle the circumstances of our lives. However, it is also true that in his calculations of what we can handle, God intends that, in our earthly frailty, we will have earthly support.
As Christians, we are meant to be burden-bearers. We are meant to have a heart for the hopeless, for the weary, for the abused. And yet, the church needs to do better in this area. Too often, we have had our heads in the sand.
by Janice Shaw Crouse
June 30, 2006
Gloria Steinem, an icon of feminism, often speaks—with irony and humor—of male oppression and patriarchy. She describes the persecution, oppression, and domination women have suffered throughout history at the hands of the Christian church. So goes the criticism of the relationship between Christ's church and women. Abuse, and yes, even violence.
While we can't change such one-sided characterizations of the institution we know represents our risen Lord, our Deliverer from oppression, we needn't make it so easy for them either.
We must face an unwelcome truth: Many of the attacks on the church come from women who have experienced great pain in their lives, either because someone in the church caused their pain or they found the church impotent in response. One woman tells of being counseled to be "more submissive" so that her husband would quit battering her. Another describes a Christian organization covering up the abuse of children by a powerful executive. Yet another describes her abuser as a wealthy, well-respected leader in her church and community. Another woman, in telling about her journey of escape from domestic violence, reports that when she finally found the courage to approach a pastor, he responded: "God never gives us more than we can handle."
It is, of course, true that God gives us grace to handle the circumstances of our lives. However, it is also true that in his calculations of what we can handle, God intends that, in our earthly frailty, we will have earthly support.
As Christians, we are meant to be burden-bearers. We are meant to have a heart for the hopeless, for the weary, for the abused. And yet, the church needs to do better in this area. Too often, we have had our heads in the sand.
The Silent Epidemic
Countless Christian women are battered every day. Here's how to respond if you or someone you love is abused.
By Corrie Cutrer
Her husband's comments were so routine that for 20 years, Brenda Branson didn't realize she was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse.
"You breathe too loud," her husband would tell her. "Your smile is silly. You look terrible. Don't you have anything better to wear?"
It wasn't until Brenda realized his comments weren't true that she approached him. And that's when he picked up a chair and hit her with it. Brenda knew she had to do something, so she went to her pastor. Unfortunately he wasn't equipped to handle domestic abuse; his suggestions about submitting to her husband only made her home life more difficult. "Our church didn't know what to do with us," Brenda says. "They just wanted the problem to go away."
Brenda got the help she needed by forming a support group with another domestic-violence victim. Then in 1995 she cofounded Focus Ministries, one of the few Christian organizations devoted to helping victims of domestic violence while also training churches on how they can assist members who are being abused.
You don't deserve what's happening to you. God doesn't approve of any man who beats, controls, or retaliates against his wife.
According to Detective Sgt. Don Stewart, a retired police officer who handled domestic violence cases for 25 years, one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within their marriage. In fact, battering is the single largest cause of injury to women—more than auto accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports that 3 to 4 million women are beaten in their homes every year. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, approximately 2,000 women are murdered every year by an intimate partner.
"Domestic violence has become an epidemic," says Brenda, who is no longer married to her husband. The enormity of the problem, combined with the fact law enforcement officials and church leaders often lack the skills to address it, led Don to author Refuge (New Hope), a book helping victims understand and flee from violence in their homes. "I consider Don to be a missionary who offers hope to hurting women and presents a wakeup call to the Christian community to get involved," says Brenda.
TCW spoke with both Don and Brenda on how battered women can get help as well as how Christians can respond to this crisis.
Explain the different types of domestic abuse.
Don: Emotional and verbal abuse are the cutting remarks a spouse uses to destroy his wife's sense of self-worth. A man may label a woman fat or stupid. He may demean her personal accomplishments or scream at her that the dinner she cooked is terrible. Perhaps he yells at her because she's 15 minutes late coming home from work.
Physical abuse is when a man injures his wife in a nonsexual manner. Then there's sexual abuse—when a spouse forces sex on his partner. Most states have adopted laws protecting married women against spousal rape. But because there's so much shame involved for the woman, she may be hesitant to come forward about this.
Brenda: Emotional and verbal abuse can become so commonplace in a woman's relationship that she doesn't realize she's being harmed. It took me a while to realize my husband's attacks weren't my fault and weren't true. For example, we both used to work in our church's children's ministry. My husband often told me I was uncaring toward the kids. For a long time I struggled with this, until one day someone told me how blessed she was by the compassion I extended to her children. Suddenly I saw I'd been basing my identity on my husband's perception of me instead of God's.
What signs indicate verbal abuse may head toward physical abuse?
Don: When a husband starts saying things such as, "If you ever left me, I'd kill myself," or "If you don't do exactly as I tell you, I'm going to beat the daylights out of you." Those are clues the escalation from verbal to physical abuse may have begun.
Another sign is if a husband starts damaging household property that has sentimental value to his wife. A batterer never will demolish his prized possessions, but he often will shatter a piece of pottery or a family heirloom. If his comments intensify to the point he says something such as, "If you ever leave me, I'm going to kill you and the kids," or "I'm going to burn the house down," he's crossed a critical psychological barrier, and it's not long before he's going to act on his words. As soon as a woman no longer feels safe in her home, she needs to make arrangements to leave. She may have to leave only until she and her husband can get some counseling or until he's arrested and has gone through a treatment program—but she still needs to remove herself from the dangerous situation.
What are the typical personality traits of a batterer?
Don: Jealousy, hypersensitivity toward even the most constructive criticism, and the tendency to pressure a woman into a quick engagement, marriage, or live-in relationship. I encourage single women to watch out for these signs. Other indications include any use of physical force against you or an unusually harsh attitude toward children or animals. And any history of past battering should be of major concern.
How can we tell if abuse is happening in a woman's life?
Don: A batterer tries to isolate his victim. So if you see a woman being isolated from family, friends, or church, that's a red flag. The second thing to look for is if the woman's husband constantly monitors his wife's whereabouts. He may call her ten times a day at work, and if she doesn't answer each time, he demands to know where she was. Or if she doesn't arrive home in the evening at a precise time, he demands to know why.
Also, be on the lookout if a woman completely covers her body with pants and a long-sleeve shirt even when it's hot outside, or if she uses a lot of makeup. She could be trying to cover a bruise.
Should a friend who suspects abuse approach a woman about it?
Don: It depends on your relationship. If you're friends or even have a good casual relationship, invite her to breakfast or for coffee, and approach the subject gently by asking, "Is everything OK? Tell me about your personal life. How is your relationship with your husband?" Don't condemn her or try to push her out of her relationship with her husband.
At some point you need to say, "I'm concerned about you. If you'd like to talk about anything that's troubling you, I'm here for you." If she opens up, emphasize that she isn't causing her husband's abuse. Tell her: "You don't deserve what's happening to you. God doesn't approve of any man who beats, controls, or retaliates against his wife. And whenever you're ready to leave, I'm ready to help."
You may want to make an appointment for the two of you to sit down with a pastor, social worker, or law enforcement officer and decide where to go from there. If you discover she's being abused but she's unwilling to do anything about it, you also need to consider the option of calling the police for her. This is a difficult judgment call; it requires prayer and knowledge of the situation. But it may help save her life.
How can we better empathize with an abused woman?
Don: Be careful not to criticize an abused woman, because until you've walked in her shoes, you can't appreciate the unbelievable hell she lives in every day. It's very difficult for a woman to walk away from an abusive situation—often the batterer is the full breadwinner in the family and she fears economic hardship. Nearly 50 percent of all homeless women and children in the U. S. are without a home because they're fleeing from domestic violence. Also, a woman may fear greater harassment from her spouse if she leaves, and this could prevent her from getting the help she needs.
What can the church do?
Brenda: Church members are so afraid of promoting divorce, they often don't give women the help they need. Sometimes divorce is the end result of domestic violence, but I always tell church leaders that Focus Ministries doesn't promote divorce—we promote a woman's safety. That's why it's important leaders learn how to properly advise abused women. The techniques people use to counsel couples with other marital problems don't work with domestic abuse.
For example, when I went to my pastor for help, he encouraged me to be extra loving to my husband, to make his favorite meals, to extend empathy and ask if he'd had a hard day when he seemed agitated. Both pastors and abused women often mistakenly think if the woman changes, then things will get better. That's not true. Even the most gentle "confrontation" with my husband set him off and made things worse.
Don: Church leaders also need to realize batterers can be manipulative. I know a woman in my community who went to her pastor for help because she was afraid of her husband. The pastor called her husband and asked that he and the wife come in for counseling. The poor woman was absolutely terrified to sit in a joint counseling session with her husband and said nothing while the husband smoothed things over. Shortly after this, the woman made a decision to leave her husband. One night when she thought he was away, she returned home to get some of her things. The husband was there hiding and beat the woman so severely that parts of her brain were exposed.
Leaders also need to work to dismiss misinterpretations of Scripture such as 1 Peter 3:1-6, which abusers often use to defend their actions. It's unbelievable how many Christian men think they're entitled by God to discipline and control their wives. As 1 Peter 3:7 reminds us, no man has a God-given right to punish or retaliate against his wife under any condition. And a woman shouldn't be led to think that through her submission and suffering she'll become a better person. To allow someone to abuse you does not bring glory to God.
Are there any steps we can take to reach out to the abused?
Brenda: Order training materials or invite someone in your area who's qualified to speak at your church to promote awareness. Most church members don't know how prevalent domestic violence is among Christians and have no idea how to deal with it. Also, find out what local support groups are available for abused women and have that information readily available.
Don: Organize a list of resources within your church you can utilize if you need to help an abused woman flee from a violent situation. She may need a vacant apartment, money for food and clothing, a car, or an attorney. Let women minister to women while men play a secondary role from a distance. Also, work to establish a relationship with your local women's shelter. Most women who work at these shelters are dedicated, passionate people who do wonderful things for abused women. Often these workers are willing to come to a church and provide the kind of instruction and tools church members need to react appropriately when they learn someone's being abused.
The church is in a great position to reach out to women who suffer so badly. My prayer is they'll do it.
Corrie Cutrer, a TCW regular contributor, lives with her husband in Illinois.
In a recent informal online poll, TCW asked how many had been the victim of Domestic Violence.
Here is how 1,808 of you responded:
YES: Emotional 52%
YES: Physical 30 %
YES: Sexual 18 %
NO 30 %
Victims of domestic abuse can find local support organizations and hotlines by visiting the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence's website, www.ncadv.org. For additional support or training materials, check out Focus Ministries' website at www.focusministries1.org, or contact Don Stewart at www.midwesttrainers.com.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Every Woman
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and
a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her
Laugh...
And one
Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by
Anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will
Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
May not have been Perfect...
but; Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and Wouldn't
Do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if She doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust, Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go..
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month...
And a year.
That she is truly loved.
Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes With Men
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of They're Dreams— And How To Make Sure You Avoid Every One Of Them...From A Man's Perspective.
MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His “Potential”
Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how "nice" or "good" someone is to them day-to-day.
Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
They confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper "connection".
Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the "wrong" guys.
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.
Wrong. Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.
MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You “Feel” Too Early With Him
One thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...
It's a woman who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just like one of those "clingy" stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.
This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.
The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's "emotionally available"
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man's Character
Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.
They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.
Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other "indirect" displays of status.
VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.
Nothing says "Run!" to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.
And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, "controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!"
So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.
But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.
It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...
If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.
This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever.
You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...
And I don't mean just sex.
I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.
Learn from books and other's experiences.
-Christian Carter
©Copyright 2005, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserverd.
Catch Him Inc.
3960 Howard Hughes Pkwy, 5th Floor
Las Vegas, NV 89109
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/11823/eBook
Monday, June 26, 2006
Lonely Country
Yahoo News
By Amanda Beck Fri Jun 23, 3:04 PM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Americans are more socially isolated than they were 20 years ago, separated by work, commuting and the single life, researchers reported on Friday.
Nearly a quarter of people surveyed said they had "zero" close friends with whom to discuss personal matters. More than 50 percent named two or fewer confidants, most often immediate family members, the researchers said.
"This is a big social change, and it indicates something that's not good for our society," said Duke University Professor Lynn Smith-Lovin, lead author on the study to be published in the American Sociological Review.
Smith-Lovin's group used data from a national survey of 1,500 American adults that has been ongoing since 1972.
She said it indicated people had a surprising drop in the number of close friends since 1985. At that time, Americans most commonly said they had three close friends whom they had known for a long time, saw often, and with whom they shared a number of interests.
They were almost as likely to name four or five friends, and the relationships often sprang from their neighborhoods or communities.
Ties to a close network of friends create a social safety net that is good for society, and for the individual. Research has linked social support and civic participation to a longer life, Smith-Lovin said.
People were not asked why they had fewer intimate ties, but Smith-Lovin said that part of the cause could be that Americans are working more, marrying later, having fewer children, and commuting longer distances.
The data also show the social isolation trend mirrors other class divides: Non-whites and people with less education tend to have smaller social networks than white Americans and the highly educated.
That means that in daily life, personal emergencies and national disasters like Hurricane Katrina, those with the fewest resources also have the fewest personal friends to call for advice and assistance.
"It's one thing to know someone and exchange e-mails with them. It's another thing to say, 'Will you give me a ride out of town with all of my possessions and pets? And can I stay with you for a couple or three months?" Smith-Lovin said.
"Worrying about social isolation is not a matter of nostalgia for a warm and cuddly past. Real things are strongly connected with that," added Harvard University Public Policy Professor Robert Putnam, author of "Bowling Alone," a book on the decline of American community.
He suggested flexible work schedules would allow Americans to tend both personal and professional lives.
If A Man Wants You
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
Them , a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Symptoms Of Abuse
Abuse victimises many people, leaving them feeling worthless with no self-confidence. A very lonely experience, victims are often isolated....enduring physical abuse, control of them and verbal degradation/abuse.
As a survivor of domenstic abuse, I know what it is like to "hide" some of the abuse symptoms - out of shame, failure to succeed in aa relationship, or whatever the reason....I do know. I have been there. But sometimes, no matter how good we play the "role" there are always symptoms that show....whether we are aware of them or not. And there are those that can be seen when the victim and abuser are in company of others ~ and it is these symptoms that show the control the abuser has over the victim.
Here are some examples that the victim and abuser may display.
1) Victim has poor self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and poor self-worth.
2) Unable to make eye contact in conversation, looking at the ground when talking.
3) Victims often complain of non-specific aches and pains that are constant and recurring ~ these are stree-related problems.
4) Unnecessary fear at something slight
5) Victim is limited in freedom as a child would be ~ eg. "Go to the shop and get some milk and bread and come straight home. It should take you 15 minutes."
6) Victim has no control over money and finances ~ abuser has exclusive control.
7) Victim is not allowed to learn to drive, or get a job
8) Victim is forbidden to see friends or family unless abuser is present.
MISUSE OF POWER AND CONTROL
Using Emotional Abuse
- putting victim down
- making victim feel bad about themsleves
- calling victim names
- making victim think they're crazy
- playing mind games
- humiliating victim
- making victim feel guilty
- treating victim like a servant
Using Economic Abuse
- preventing victim from getting or keeping a job
- making victim ask for money
- giving victim an allowance
- taking victim's money
- keeping family income a secret and preventing acces to income
Using Intimidation
- making victim afraid by using looks, gestures or actions
- smashing things
- abusing pets
- displaying weapons in threatening way
Using Isolation
- controlling every aspect of victim's life
- controls who victim sees and talks to and where victim goes
- limiting outside enjoyment
- using jealousy to justify actions
Using Coercion and Threats
- making or carrying out threats to hurt victim
- threatening to leave or commit suicide
- pressuring victim to drop charges
- pressuring victim to do illegal things
Using Children
- making victim feel guilty about the children
- using children to relay messages
- using visitation to harrass victim
- threatening to take children away
Minimising, Denying, Blaming
- making light of the abuse and not taking victim's concerns about it seriously
- saying the abuse didn't happen
- shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour
- saying the victim caused it
Do you recognise these symptoms in someone you know?
As a survivor of domenstic abuse, I know what it is like to "hide" some of the abuse symptoms - out of shame, failure to succeed in aa relationship, or whatever the reason....I do know. I have been there. But sometimes, no matter how good we play the "role" there are always symptoms that show....whether we are aware of them or not. And there are those that can be seen when the victim and abuser are in company of others ~ and it is these symptoms that show the control the abuser has over the victim.
Here are some examples that the victim and abuser may display.
1) Victim has poor self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and poor self-worth.
2) Unable to make eye contact in conversation, looking at the ground when talking.
3) Victims often complain of non-specific aches and pains that are constant and recurring ~ these are stree-related problems.
4) Unnecessary fear at something slight
5) Victim is limited in freedom as a child would be ~ eg. "Go to the shop and get some milk and bread and come straight home. It should take you 15 minutes."
6) Victim has no control over money and finances ~ abuser has exclusive control.
7) Victim is not allowed to learn to drive, or get a job
8) Victim is forbidden to see friends or family unless abuser is present.
MISUSE OF POWER AND CONTROL
Using Emotional Abuse
- putting victim down
- making victim feel bad about themsleves
- calling victim names
- making victim think they're crazy
- playing mind games
- humiliating victim
- making victim feel guilty
- treating victim like a servant
Using Economic Abuse
- preventing victim from getting or keeping a job
- making victim ask for money
- giving victim an allowance
- taking victim's money
- keeping family income a secret and preventing acces to income
Using Intimidation
- making victim afraid by using looks, gestures or actions
- smashing things
- abusing pets
- displaying weapons in threatening way
Using Isolation
- controlling every aspect of victim's life
- controls who victim sees and talks to and where victim goes
- limiting outside enjoyment
- using jealousy to justify actions
Using Coercion and Threats
- making or carrying out threats to hurt victim
- threatening to leave or commit suicide
- pressuring victim to drop charges
- pressuring victim to do illegal things
Using Children
- making victim feel guilty about the children
- using children to relay messages
- using visitation to harrass victim
- threatening to take children away
Minimising, Denying, Blaming
- making light of the abuse and not taking victim's concerns about it seriously
- saying the abuse didn't happen
- shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour
- saying the victim caused it
Do you recognise these symptoms in someone you know?
Victim No More
From the depths of despair
when my world fell apart
I felt all alone
and heavy in heart -
My life had been shattered
by a tight-fisted hand
Who could I turn to;
who'd understand?
He made me feel worthless
to the depths of my soul
I was just a possession
for him to control -
Always blaming me
whenever things went wrong
Though physical scars heal
emotional live on.
So with no self-esteem
and in a broken mess
I made a decision
about my happiness -
It took all my courage
that I could find
To make a stand for myself
and leave him behind.
Those first few months
were the loneliest I'd been
But I knew it was worth it
not to be hit again -
And in finding myself
I cried a river of tears
Learning to love me
and facing my fears.
Though the memory remains
but the hurt has gone
My scars have all healed
my emotions live on -
Over four years have passed
since I walked out that door -
No need to look back,
no fear anymore.
This is about my former marriage, both physically and emotionally abusive, and my courage to leave and rebuild my life. It wasn't easy, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
© Christina
15 August, 2000
How Come How Long
by BabyFace & Stevie Wonder
There was a girl I used to know
She was oh so beautiful
But she's not here anymore
She had a college degree
Smart as anyone could be
She had so much to live for
But she fell in love
With the wrong kinda of man
He abused her love and treated her so bad
There was not enough education in her world
That could save the life of this little girl
CHORUS
How come, how long
It's not right, it's so wrong
Do we let it just go on
Turn our backs and carry on
Wake up, for it's too late
Right now, we can't wait
She won't have a second try
Open up your hearts
As well as your eyes
She tried to give a cry for help
She even blamed things on herself
But no one came to her aid
Nothing was wrong as far as we could tell
That's what we'd like to tell ourselves
But no It wasn't that way
So she fell in love
With the wrong kinda of man
And she paid with her life
For loving that man
So we cannot ignore
We must look for the signs
And maybe next time we might save somebody's life
CHORUS
There was a girl I used to know
She was oh so beautiful
But she's not here anymore
She had a college degree
Smart as anyone could be
She had so much to live for
But she fell in love
With the wrong kinda of man
He abused her love and treated her so bad
There was not enough education in her world
That could save the life of this little girl
We need to be more aware, and listen when someone cries out for help. We need to help stop domestic violence, because no amount of education, or knowledge could ever save one in this situation from this fate.
There was a girl I used to know
She was oh so beautiful
But she's not here anymore
She had a college degree
Smart as anyone could be
She had so much to live for
But she fell in love
With the wrong kinda of man
He abused her love and treated her so bad
There was not enough education in her world
That could save the life of this little girl
CHORUS
How come, how long
It's not right, it's so wrong
Do we let it just go on
Turn our backs and carry on
Wake up, for it's too late
Right now, we can't wait
She won't have a second try
Open up your hearts
As well as your eyes
She tried to give a cry for help
She even blamed things on herself
But no one came to her aid
Nothing was wrong as far as we could tell
That's what we'd like to tell ourselves
But no It wasn't that way
So she fell in love
With the wrong kinda of man
And she paid with her life
For loving that man
So we cannot ignore
We must look for the signs
And maybe next time we might save somebody's life
CHORUS
There was a girl I used to know
She was oh so beautiful
But she's not here anymore
She had a college degree
Smart as anyone could be
She had so much to live for
But she fell in love
With the wrong kinda of man
He abused her love and treated her so bad
There was not enough education in her world
That could save the life of this little girl
We need to be more aware, and listen when someone cries out for help. We need to help stop domestic violence, because no amount of education, or knowledge could ever save one in this situation from this fate.
The Other Rachel
In Memory of Rachel
Rachel, you were only young
with a new family
Your old life was behind you;
you had been set free.
With a husband who adored you
and children whom you loved
This new life you were blessed with
was all that you dreamed of.
The past had been left behind
for you to start anew
But the man you had once married
had been looking for you.
With the help of the Internet
so much he had found out
The new life you were living
he now knew all about.
And so he stalked and waited
for just the right time
To make you listen and talk to you
all that was on his mind.
And when an opportunity
arose when you weren't home
He broke into your basement
waiting till you were alone.
He followed your footsteps
when you walked in the door
Then he climbed up the stairs
to talk to you once more.
As soon as you saw him
you ran screaming up the stairs
Afraid of what would happen
wondering why he was there.
He only said he wanted to talk
to say that he loved you
But in temper he found then beat
the life almost out of you.
Screaming he then dragged you
onto your bed
There he "made love" to you
and punched you in the head.
Throwing you down the stairs
he came at you again
To show how sorry he really was
he then raped you again.
In his anger he then beat you
when your husband phoned
The message saying he loves you
and he'd be late coming home.
Scared and bloodied you fought back
as he continued to beat
Trying as best as you could
with tied hands and feet.
Bruised and battered and crying
a screwdriver in his hand
Stabbing you repeatedly saying
"you never understand!"
Finally in the kitchen
you collapsed from the fight
You were bleeding from everywhere ~
it was not a pretty sight.
Still professing his undying love
he then ran away
And left you there unconscious
to die where you lay.
Your husband came home to find you
on the kitchen floor
He couldn't believe what had happened,
couldn't believe what he saw.
You were taken to the hospital
but after thirteen days
The damage was just too far gone
and you then passed away.
Oh Rachel, you were an advocate
you did not die in vain
Your message is so loud and clear
to stop violence again.
Rachel, as we remember you
in your memory
And as you fly on eagle's wings
you are now truly free.
© Christina
26th April, 2001
"I wrote this poem about the brutal attack and murder of Rachel Miller, who was stalked, beaten, raped and murdered by her ex-husband on 13th April, 2000 and dying on 26th April, 2000. Before her death, Rachel was an advocate in helping stop Domestic violence, having experienced it herself. She began a site telling her story....which is now maintained by a friend.
"STOP the Violence"
I wrote this poem today, on the first anniversary of her death, as a tribute to her and her memory. It is dedicated to her memory, her husband Kurt, two children and the memory of the baby, Christopher, she lost in the attack."
Rachel, you were only young
with a new family
Your old life was behind you;
you had been set free.
With a husband who adored you
and children whom you loved
This new life you were blessed with
was all that you dreamed of.
The past had been left behind
for you to start anew
But the man you had once married
had been looking for you.
With the help of the Internet
so much he had found out
The new life you were living
he now knew all about.
And so he stalked and waited
for just the right time
To make you listen and talk to you
all that was on his mind.
And when an opportunity
arose when you weren't home
He broke into your basement
waiting till you were alone.
He followed your footsteps
when you walked in the door
Then he climbed up the stairs
to talk to you once more.
As soon as you saw him
you ran screaming up the stairs
Afraid of what would happen
wondering why he was there.
He only said he wanted to talk
to say that he loved you
But in temper he found then beat
the life almost out of you.
Screaming he then dragged you
onto your bed
There he "made love" to you
and punched you in the head.
Throwing you down the stairs
he came at you again
To show how sorry he really was
he then raped you again.
In his anger he then beat you
when your husband phoned
The message saying he loves you
and he'd be late coming home.
Scared and bloodied you fought back
as he continued to beat
Trying as best as you could
with tied hands and feet.
Bruised and battered and crying
a screwdriver in his hand
Stabbing you repeatedly saying
"you never understand!"
Finally in the kitchen
you collapsed from the fight
You were bleeding from everywhere ~
it was not a pretty sight.
Still professing his undying love
he then ran away
And left you there unconscious
to die where you lay.
Your husband came home to find you
on the kitchen floor
He couldn't believe what had happened,
couldn't believe what he saw.
You were taken to the hospital
but after thirteen days
The damage was just too far gone
and you then passed away.
Oh Rachel, you were an advocate
you did not die in vain
Your message is so loud and clear
to stop violence again.
Rachel, as we remember you
in your memory
And as you fly on eagle's wings
you are now truly free.
© Christina
26th April, 2001
"I wrote this poem about the brutal attack and murder of Rachel Miller, who was stalked, beaten, raped and murdered by her ex-husband on 13th April, 2000 and dying on 26th April, 2000. Before her death, Rachel was an advocate in helping stop Domestic violence, having experienced it herself. She began a site telling her story....which is now maintained by a friend.
"STOP the Violence"
I wrote this poem today, on the first anniversary of her death, as a tribute to her and her memory. It is dedicated to her memory, her husband Kurt, two children and the memory of the baby, Christopher, she lost in the attack."
Bill Of Rights
As a person, we all have rights, and these are your rights.
Please read them!
You have the RIGHT to be you.
You have the RIGHT to put yourself first.
You have the RIGHT to be safe.
You have the RIGHT to love and be loved.
You have the RIGHT to be treated with respect.
You have the RIGHT to be human ---- not perfect.
You have the RIGHT to be angry and protest
If you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.
You have the RIGHT to your own privacy.
You have the RIGHT to have your own opinions,
To express them, and to be taken seriously.
You have the RIGHT to earn and control your own money.
You have the RIGHT to ask questions about anything
That affects your life.
You have the RIGHT to make decisions that affect you.
You have the RIGHT to grow and change,
And this includes changing your mind.
You have the RIGHT to say NO.
You have the RIGHT to make mistakes.
You have the RIGHT not to be responsible for other adults' problems.
You have the RIGHT not to be liked by everyone.
You have the RIGHT to control your own life and change it if you are not happy with it as it is!
Please read them!
You have the RIGHT to be you.
You have the RIGHT to put yourself first.
You have the RIGHT to be safe.
You have the RIGHT to love and be loved.
You have the RIGHT to be treated with respect.
You have the RIGHT to be human ---- not perfect.
You have the RIGHT to be angry and protest
If you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.
You have the RIGHT to your own privacy.
You have the RIGHT to have your own opinions,
To express them, and to be taken seriously.
You have the RIGHT to earn and control your own money.
You have the RIGHT to ask questions about anything
That affects your life.
You have the RIGHT to make decisions that affect you.
You have the RIGHT to grow and change,
And this includes changing your mind.
You have the RIGHT to say NO.
You have the RIGHT to make mistakes.
You have the RIGHT not to be responsible for other adults' problems.
You have the RIGHT not to be liked by everyone.
You have the RIGHT to control your own life and change it if you are not happy with it as it is!
Love Is...Love Is Not
Love is sacred - it is a gift from one to another, and should be treated as such. It is unconditional, is not jealous, is totally trusting, and can withstand the most difficult of circumstance (hence the marriage vows "for better or worse"). Love is the greatest gift ~ to be treasured.
Whether you believe in God or the Bible is irrelevant....these words remain true always in describing what love is.
"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres....
Love never fails."
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ~
(NIV)
Jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness and controlling behaviour ( such as of our time, friends, and who we speak to or see)......is not Love.
When someone makes demands upon your time that you end up isolating from all you care about and need ...... that's not Love.
It's unrealistic to think all you need is (so & so)- it isn't love, it's being possessive (that's not love). No one person should be responsible for filling someone else's emotional and physical needs..... That's not Love.
Isolation, name-calling and blame is not love. (for example: when you go out to see friends you are a whore).
To be hit because you talked to your family or friends. Nobody needs permission to do these things . That's not love ,that's just an attempt to isolate you so that you depend only on him or her that's unrealistic and unhealthy..... That's not Love.
When someone says "You never" or "You always" in trying to place blame. Is not love. There are no totals in life like that there is only "sometimes". This is just another attempt at control.
When someone hurts things smaller than them or pushes and/or verbally abuses in a cruel manner....that's not love. It can be a way to exert control by bad behaviour. Cruelty to pets is not love.
Interrogation, name-calling, sleep deprivation, threats of bodily harm...is not love.
Such things as "Don't make me have to hit you" and "If you just would have listened .. maybe I wouldn't have had to "hit" (or whatever other abuse or bad behaviour)...is not love.
Breaking things and throwing fits of anger in the name of love is not love. "Look what you made me do". Everyone is responsible for their own actions. I can't stress this enough.
Physically restraining while having differences of opinion ("Listen or else") any physical holding like this ....is not love.
Explosive tempers, hypersensitivity, blame, verbal or physical assaults, belittling, or simply not giving credit for any accomplishments .....is not love.
In what we do or fail to do, we are accountable for our actions. We should treat everyone as we want to be treated, as love does not hurt, make you feel pain and shame. Love doesn't leave bruises or scars or destroy emotions and feelings.
LOVE FEELS GOOD !!
Love is a lightness in the heart and a connection in the soul to others. I think we all really know when something doesn't feel right and hurts....
That's not Love.
If anyone shows or recognises any of the negative signs above that I have spoken about it's called ABUSE. I know, I'm a survivor. You can get away. Talk, scream if you need to ~ but GET OUT!
There is help out there....we need not live in fear any more, people are becoming aware.
DON'T HIDE ABUSE ANY LONGER . THIS IS HOW IT SURVIVES AND CONTINUES. FACE IT AND GET HELP !!
"Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things ~
Love NEVER fails."
~ 1 Corinthians 13:13 ~
This Must Stop
A Woman is physically abused every nine seconds in this country!
Nine seconds!
Are you counting?
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
NINE!!!!!!
Another woman has just been physically abused!
This MUST stop!
Emotional Abuse Leaves Scars Too
My story is just one of millions who suffer from emotional abuse. Though one case can never be compared to another, it is still a destructive and lonely experience to endure - no matter the degree. It is always easier for outsiders to say "why doesn't she just leave him?" or "there is no abuse, he doesn't hit her!" It doesn't matter. If someone is being belittled, tormented, put down, or controlled by someone else, then THAT is abuse. Emotional abuse. And it can leave scars far greater than physical bruises. Because it destroys your self-worth and faith in yourself. Please, don't let it happen to you.
Reasons Victims Stay
Many believe that it is easy for the victim to leave their partner and the abusive situation ~ they are wrong! It is by far one of the hardest decisions one can make. Leaving is often harder than staying. When you are in an abusive situation, to stay you have the security you have always known, even if it isn't always safe....to leave would be to enter the unknown, to become more afraid of if/when your abuser may find you - and ultimately, the consequences of leaving. And often, the victim will return to the abuser and the situation. Unless, one is ever in the situation, one can never really understand....
Here I have listed some reasons why the victim stays, or returns to the abuser, which are in most cases, the partner. Below those are also my own reasons why I stayed with my spouse.
1. Loneliness
2.. Doesn't want to leave children
3. No place to go.
4. Lacks funding resources and employment skills
5. Hopes spouse will change.
6. Doesn't know where, or how, to seek help
7. Fears reprimands from spouse - afraid of what abuser will do to her/him, and the children if she/he tries to leave.
8. Afraid to live without partner
9. Believe children need both parents
10. Considers divorce a stigma, and believes family must stay together at all costs, despite the pain and the danger.
11. Loves Spouse
12. Believes it's shameful to admit they don't have a good marriage
13. Considers spouse a victim and wants to help - they believe they can help their partner
14. Believes they are at fault and have no worth as a person.
You may find these reasons are not enough to make you stay if it were you, but believe me - they would! You see, in many of these cases, the victim genuinely loves their partner (regardless of the abuse), and often believes that there is a problem that they can help fix....or mainly they have come to believe that they are the problem and no one else but their partner (abuser) wants them. But that is what their partner has instilled in them, because that way they can be assured that the victim won't leave them - why would they, if they believed that no one else loved them? It is truly a lonely and destructive experience to endure.... I know, because I lived through it, and I felt all these reasons of why I had to stay with him.
My Reasons for staying -
One of my reasons was that marriage is for life, and I took him for better or for worse - and many people to whom I sought help from told me just that....and therefore I felt I had to stay - so I did. Oh, I genuinely loved him too, and thought that if he really loved me he would change....but I was kidding myself. A lifetime of habit and experience taught him otherwise.... After a while I didn't know how to ask for help or where I could go - so many believed marriage was for keeps and I had to stick it out. I was often told that "the first year of marriage is the hardest", but was emotional (and eventually physical) abuse what they meant? I don't think so. And like many victims, I was partly afraid to leave and felt I couldn't live without him.... I left once, but was lonely without him, and also pressured by "friends" to "stick it out". Some in the church said that I didn't take my marriage vows seriously when I left - that added to the shame that I already felt....I couldn't make him happy and I couldn't make my marriage work. I failed.
No one but a victim can understand the enormity of confusion, hurt, shame, loneliness and faliure.... And I can only help open the eyes of those who don't know what it is like. So if you do know of someone in an abusive situation, don't pressure them into leaving - they will only go back....but rather, be there for them and let them know that you are there. Tell them that they don't deserve to be abused, that you are afraid for their safety (and children), and that you are there to help them whenever they need and decide that they are ready to leave. That is all you can do. The rest is up to the victim. They need to know that they have someone who DOES care enough to help them, without pushing them.
Here I have listed some reasons why the victim stays, or returns to the abuser, which are in most cases, the partner. Below those are also my own reasons why I stayed with my spouse.
1. Loneliness
2.. Doesn't want to leave children
3. No place to go.
4. Lacks funding resources and employment skills
5. Hopes spouse will change.
6. Doesn't know where, or how, to seek help
7. Fears reprimands from spouse - afraid of what abuser will do to her/him, and the children if she/he tries to leave.
8. Afraid to live without partner
9. Believe children need both parents
10. Considers divorce a stigma, and believes family must stay together at all costs, despite the pain and the danger.
11. Loves Spouse
12. Believes it's shameful to admit they don't have a good marriage
13. Considers spouse a victim and wants to help - they believe they can help their partner
14. Believes they are at fault and have no worth as a person.
You may find these reasons are not enough to make you stay if it were you, but believe me - they would! You see, in many of these cases, the victim genuinely loves their partner (regardless of the abuse), and often believes that there is a problem that they can help fix....or mainly they have come to believe that they are the problem and no one else but their partner (abuser) wants them. But that is what their partner has instilled in them, because that way they can be assured that the victim won't leave them - why would they, if they believed that no one else loved them? It is truly a lonely and destructive experience to endure.... I know, because I lived through it, and I felt all these reasons of why I had to stay with him.
My Reasons for staying -
One of my reasons was that marriage is for life, and I took him for better or for worse - and many people to whom I sought help from told me just that....and therefore I felt I had to stay - so I did. Oh, I genuinely loved him too, and thought that if he really loved me he would change....but I was kidding myself. A lifetime of habit and experience taught him otherwise.... After a while I didn't know how to ask for help or where I could go - so many believed marriage was for keeps and I had to stick it out. I was often told that "the first year of marriage is the hardest", but was emotional (and eventually physical) abuse what they meant? I don't think so. And like many victims, I was partly afraid to leave and felt I couldn't live without him.... I left once, but was lonely without him, and also pressured by "friends" to "stick it out". Some in the church said that I didn't take my marriage vows seriously when I left - that added to the shame that I already felt....I couldn't make him happy and I couldn't make my marriage work. I failed.
No one but a victim can understand the enormity of confusion, hurt, shame, loneliness and faliure.... And I can only help open the eyes of those who don't know what it is like. So if you do know of someone in an abusive situation, don't pressure them into leaving - they will only go back....but rather, be there for them and let them know that you are there. Tell them that they don't deserve to be abused, that you are afraid for their safety (and children), and that you are there to help them whenever they need and decide that they are ready to leave. That is all you can do. The rest is up to the victim. They need to know that they have someone who DOES care enough to help them, without pushing them.
Signs Of An Abuser
1. Jealous.
2. Blames others (including you) for his faults.
3. Blames circumstances for his problems.
("If only I had a job, I wouldn't be so upset").
4. His behaviour is unpredictable.
5. He belittles you verbally.
6. He cannot control his anger.
7. He always asks for a second chance.
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again.
9. His family resolves problems with violence.
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
11. His behaviour often worsens when he uses alcohol or drugs.
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way.
13. He isolates you from family/friends by saying no one else would love you...or by saying no other man would want you.
2. Blames others (including you) for his faults.
3. Blames circumstances for his problems.
("If only I had a job, I wouldn't be so upset").
4. His behaviour is unpredictable.
5. He belittles you verbally.
6. He cannot control his anger.
7. He always asks for a second chance.
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again.
9. His family resolves problems with violence.
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
11. His behaviour often worsens when he uses alcohol or drugs.
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way.
13. He isolates you from family/friends by saying no one else would love you...or by saying no other man would want you.
A Woman's Secret .. And Her Prayer
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover....
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $250,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness......
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling all the dolls..."
Women will understand this...............
A Prayer.
Dear God, I pray for :
Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And patience for his moods;
because God, if I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Refuse To Bow Down
****Choose to stand up for what you believe in.****
Here is a good example:
Brittany McComb was the valedictorian at Foothill High School recently. She graduated with a 4.7 GPA. She earned the right to address the other graduates at Foothill, located in Henderson, Nevada.
She gave a copy of her graduating speech to the school administrators. It contained some Biblical references and even mentioned (one time) the name “Christ.” The school administrators censored some of the Biblical references. They also censored the single reference to Christ.
Then the school officials handed the speech over to the ACLU for approval and/or more censoring. After getting the OK from the ACLU, Brittany’s speech (minus the censored references to the Bible and Christ) was approved. Brittany was warned that if she deviated from the ACLU approved language, her mike would be cut off.
Then came the moment for the big decision. She would not bow down, she decided. She would go with her original version. She stepped to the mike and began her speech. But just before she could utter the name “Christ,” her mike went dead. School officials silenced her. The crowd of 400 jeered for several minutes, angry at the action of the school officials. The ACLU was happy. They had silenced another Christian.
“I went through four years of school at Foothill and they taught me logic and they taught me freedom of speech. God’s the biggest part of my life. Just like other valedictorians thank their parents, I wanted to thank my lord and savior,” Brittany said.
Because she refused to bow down to the ACLU’s idol of gold, she did not get her wish. She was censored.
This young heroine deserves praise and a thank you from those who believe in free speech.
So, as a tribute, here is her story:
By ANTONIO PLANAS
REVIEW-JOURNAL
She knew her speech as valedictorian of Foothill High School would be cut short, but Brittany McComb was determined to tell her fellow graduates what was on her mind and in her heart.
But before she could get to the word in her speech that meant the most to her -- Christ -- her microphone went dead.
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The decision to cut short McComb's commencement speech Thursday at The Orleans drew jeers from the nearly 400 graduates and their families that went on for several minutes.
However, Clark County School District officials and an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union said Friday that cutting McComb's mic was the right call. Graduation ceremonies are school-sponsored events, a stance supported by federal court rulings, and as such may include religious references but not proselytizing, they said.
They said McComb's speech amounted to proselytizing and that her commentary could have been perceived as school-sponsored.
Before she delivered her commencement speech, McComb met with Foothill administrators, who edited her remarks. It's standard district practice to have graduation speeches vetted before they are read publicly.
School officials removed from McComb's speech some biblical references and the only reference to Christ.
But even though administrators warned McComb that her speech would get cut short if she deviated from the language approved by the school, she said it all boiled down to her fundamental right to free speech.
That's why, for what she said was the first time in her life, the valedictorian who graduated with a 4.7 GPA rebelled against authority.
"I went through four years of school at Foothill and they taught me logic and they taught me freedom of speech," McComb said. "God's the biggest part of my life. Just like other valedictorians thank their parents, I wanted to thank my lord and savior."
In the 750-word unedited version of McComb's speech, she made two references to the lord, nine mentions of God and one mention of Christ.
In the version approved by school officials, six of those words were omitted along with two biblical references. Also deleted from her speech was a reference to God's love being so great that he gave his only son to suffer an excruciated death in order to cover everyone's shortcomings and forge a path to heaven.
Allen Lichtenstein, general counsel for the ACLU of Nevada, had read the unedited version of McComb's speech and said district officials did the right thing by cutting McComb's speech short because her commentary promoted religion.
"There should be no controversy here," Lichtenstein said. "It's important for people to understand that a student was given a school-sponsored forum by a school and therefore, in essence, it was a school-sponsored speech."
Lichtenstein said that position was supported by two decisions by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, in 2000 and 2003.
Both cases involved graduation ceremonies and religious speeches given by commencement speakers. In the 2003 case, Lichtenstein said, the plaintiff even petitioned the Supreme Court to have the decision reversed, but the request was denied.
In 2003, the Clark County School Board amended district regulations on religious free speech, prohibiting district officials from organizing a prayer at graduation or selecting speakers for such events in a manner that favors religious speech or a prayer.
The remainder of the amendment allows for religious expression during school ceremonies.
Where students or other private graduation speakers are selected on the basis of genuinely neutral, evenhanded criteria and retain primary control over the content of their expression, however, that expression is not attributable to the school and, therefore, may not be restricted because of its religious (or anti-religious) content," it states.
"To avoid any mistaken perception that a school endorses student or other private speech that is not in fact attributable to the school, school officials may make appropriate neutral disclaimers to clarify that such speech is not school sponsored."
District legal counsel Bill Hoffman said the regulation allows students to talk about religion, but speeches can't cross into the realm of preaching.
"We review the speeches and tell them they may not proselytize," Hoffman said. "We encourage people to talk about religion and the impact on their lives. But when that discussion crosses over to become proselytizing, then we to tell students they can't do that."
McComb, who will study journalism at Biola University, a private Christian school in La Mirada, Calif., doesn't believe she was preaching. She said although some people might not like the message of her speech, it was just that, her speech.
"People aren't stupid and they know we have freedom of speech and the district wasn't advocating my ideas," McComb said. "Those are my opinions.
"It's what I believe."
Did You Know?
-By Andy Rooney
DID YOU KNOW?
As you walk up the steps to the building which houses the U.S. Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world's law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view ... it is Moses and he is holding the Ten Commandments!
DID YOU KNOW?
As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door.
DID YOU KNOW?
As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall,
right above where the Supreme Court judges sit,
a display of the Ten Commandments!
DID YOU KNOW?
There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings and Monuments in Washington, D.C.
DID YOU KNOW?
James Madison, the fourth president, known as "The Father of Our Constitution" made the following statement:
"We have staked the whole of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God."
DID YOU KNOW?
Patrick Henry, that patriot and
Founding Father of our country said:
"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ".
DID YOU KNOW?
Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777.
DID YOU KNOW?
Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the established orthodox churches in the colonies.
DID YOU KNOW?
Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making law -- an oligarchy...
the rule of few over many.
DID YOU KNOW?
The very first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, said:
"Americans should select and prefer Christians as their rulers."
How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional?
Lets put it around the world and let the world see and remember what this great country was built on.
I was asked to post this if I agreed or delete if I didn't. Now it is your turn...
It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, it is
very hard to understand why there is such a mess about having the Ten Commandments on display or "In God We Trust" on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance.
If you agree, pass this on...by word of mouth, by email or post it on your site.
I Agree.
There Is No Excuse
There's No Excuse. Don't wait until you and the ones you love get hurt.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Are you worried about a family member, friend or co-worker?
Are you in a close personal relationship that has become frightening?
Do you feel threatened after a recent breakup with your spouse, partner or boyfriend?
Why Get Help? The Danger is Real
If you are controlling or have a controlling partner, don't ignore these behaviors. They are learned behaviors that one person uses to intimidate and manipulate. They are destructive and dangerous. Every year, thousands of women are seriously hurt or killed by their husbands or partners.
If the abuse continues without outside help, the abusing partner may risk being arrested, going to jail, or losing the relationship.
What Hurts You Hurts Your Children
Children get hurt when they see their parents being yelled at, pushed or hit. They may feel scared and ashamed or think they caused the problem. Children grow up learning that it's okay to hurt other people or let other people hurt them. A third of all children who see their mothers beaten develop emotional problems. Boys who see their fathers beat their mothers are ten times more likely to be abusive in their adult intimate relationships.
Everyone Has the Right to Feel Safe in a Relationship
Domestic violence hurts all family members. When a person is abusive, he or she eventually loses the trust and respect of his or her partner. Abused partners are afraid to communicate their feelings and needs.
With help, people who are abusive can learn to be non-violent.
What Are The Warning Signs?
Disagreements develop from time to time in relationships. Domestic violence is not a disagreement. It is a whole pattern of behaviors used by one partner to establish and maintain power and control over the other. These behaviors can become more frequent and intense over time.
The abusive person is responsible for these behaviors. That person is the only one who can change them.
Don't wait until you and the ones you love get hurt.
Does your partner:
Insult you in public and in private?
Check up on where you've been and who you've talked to?
Put down your friends and family?
Tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
Blame you for the abuse?
Limit where you can go and what you can do?
Try to control your money?
Destroy your belongings?
Threaten to hurt you, your family members or pets?
Make you have sex in ways or at times that are uncomfortable for you?
Touch you in a way that hurts or frightens you?
Tell you your fears about the relationship are not important?
If you experience or use any of these behaviors, you could be in danger of getting hurt or hurting the people you love.
How Can I Help Others?
We've learned not to let friends drive drunk. We've learned to help stop crimes. How can you approach a friend in trouble?
If you think a person is being abused
If an assault is occurring, call 911.
Take the time to listen and believe what your friend says
Don't downplay the danger
Don't judge or criticize your friend's choices
Give emotional support
Offer to help with child care or transportation
Express concern for your friend's safety.
Let your friend know about agencies that can help
If you think a person is being abusive
Tell them you feel uncomfortable when they insult or put down their spouse or partner
Tell them that their behavior disturbs you
Tell them you care about them and urge them to contact one of the batterer treatment agencies listed below
Don't agree with any statements that suggest their partner brought on the abuse. Remember, there's no excuse for domestic violence.
Getting out of an abusive relationship can take time.
Stick by your friend and don't expect changes overnight.
What Can a Victim or Abuser Do?
Seek the support of caring people. They may be your friends, family members, neighbors or staff members of the agencies listed below. Talk to them in a private, safe place.
If your partner is abusive, have a plan to protect yourself and your children in case you need to leave quickly.
If you are abusive, be honest with yourself, think of the consequences, and get help.
Domestic violence occurs among all kinds of people. It cuts across cultural, economic and social boundaries. It can involve:
The person you've worked with for 10 years
Your best friend who married her childhood sweetheart
Your teenage daughter who just met someone new and exciting
Your next-door neighbor
Together we can prevent domestic violence. Friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors and other caring people can offer help that can save lives. Learn to take action.
There's No Excuse for Domestic Violence!
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Are you worried about a family member, friend or co-worker?
Are you in a close personal relationship that has become frightening?
Do you feel threatened after a recent breakup with your spouse, partner or boyfriend?
Why Get Help? The Danger is Real
If you are controlling or have a controlling partner, don't ignore these behaviors. They are learned behaviors that one person uses to intimidate and manipulate. They are destructive and dangerous. Every year, thousands of women are seriously hurt or killed by their husbands or partners.
If the abuse continues without outside help, the abusing partner may risk being arrested, going to jail, or losing the relationship.
What Hurts You Hurts Your Children
Children get hurt when they see their parents being yelled at, pushed or hit. They may feel scared and ashamed or think they caused the problem. Children grow up learning that it's okay to hurt other people or let other people hurt them. A third of all children who see their mothers beaten develop emotional problems. Boys who see their fathers beat their mothers are ten times more likely to be abusive in their adult intimate relationships.
Everyone Has the Right to Feel Safe in a Relationship
Domestic violence hurts all family members. When a person is abusive, he or she eventually loses the trust and respect of his or her partner. Abused partners are afraid to communicate their feelings and needs.
With help, people who are abusive can learn to be non-violent.
What Are The Warning Signs?
Disagreements develop from time to time in relationships. Domestic violence is not a disagreement. It is a whole pattern of behaviors used by one partner to establish and maintain power and control over the other. These behaviors can become more frequent and intense over time.
The abusive person is responsible for these behaviors. That person is the only one who can change them.
Don't wait until you and the ones you love get hurt.
Does your partner:
Insult you in public and in private?
Check up on where you've been and who you've talked to?
Put down your friends and family?
Tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
Blame you for the abuse?
Limit where you can go and what you can do?
Try to control your money?
Destroy your belongings?
Threaten to hurt you, your family members or pets?
Make you have sex in ways or at times that are uncomfortable for you?
Touch you in a way that hurts or frightens you?
Tell you your fears about the relationship are not important?
If you experience or use any of these behaviors, you could be in danger of getting hurt or hurting the people you love.
How Can I Help Others?
We've learned not to let friends drive drunk. We've learned to help stop crimes. How can you approach a friend in trouble?
If you think a person is being abused
If an assault is occurring, call 911.
Take the time to listen and believe what your friend says
Don't downplay the danger
Don't judge or criticize your friend's choices
Give emotional support
Offer to help with child care or transportation
Express concern for your friend's safety.
Let your friend know about agencies that can help
If you think a person is being abusive
Tell them you feel uncomfortable when they insult or put down their spouse or partner
Tell them that their behavior disturbs you
Tell them you care about them and urge them to contact one of the batterer treatment agencies listed below
Don't agree with any statements that suggest their partner brought on the abuse. Remember, there's no excuse for domestic violence.
Getting out of an abusive relationship can take time.
Stick by your friend and don't expect changes overnight.
What Can a Victim or Abuser Do?
Seek the support of caring people. They may be your friends, family members, neighbors or staff members of the agencies listed below. Talk to them in a private, safe place.
If your partner is abusive, have a plan to protect yourself and your children in case you need to leave quickly.
If you are abusive, be honest with yourself, think of the consequences, and get help.
Domestic violence occurs among all kinds of people. It cuts across cultural, economic and social boundaries. It can involve:
The person you've worked with for 10 years
Your best friend who married her childhood sweetheart
Your teenage daughter who just met someone new and exciting
Your next-door neighbor
Together we can prevent domestic violence. Friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors and other caring people can offer help that can save lives. Learn to take action.
There's No Excuse for Domestic Violence!
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