Should I Stay?

Should you stay or should you go?

Signs that your relationship is over, or is in serious trouble...

There are vital relationship signs that indicate your relationship is in trouble and it might be better for you, and your partner, if you end it. Here’s how to know.

Toxic disrespect.
Putting you down, outrageous flirting that makes you feel uncomfortable and humiliated and hurtful remarks that aren’t easily forgotten are signs you partner lacks respect for you. You need to be clear about what you will and will not tolerate from your partner. If your partner does not respect you - it's time to go.

Abuse.
Your partner should be there to pick you up when you're down – not put the boot in. If your partner is physically, or emotionally abusive, negative and critical - you don't need to put up with it. And remember that physical abuse is a criminal offence.

No Trust.
Trust is vital. Some relationships therapists say it's the backbone of a healthy relationship. If you can't believe what your partner is telling you – because they have lied too many times before – your relationship will stagnate and die. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering if they are telling the truth. Let them know that if they can't keep their word, then you have only one word for them – "goodbye".

On and off.
If you keep splitting up with your boyfriend/girlfriend it's a sign there is something very wrong. Frequent bust-ups, in the early days indicate there is great chemistry, but little else. Try to work on communicating, without exploding. If, after persistent effort, nothing is changing and the lows outweigh the highs, it may be time to move on.

If you are trying to make the decision of whether to stay in or leave the relationship by yourself, your answers to these questions will give you a lot of insight into what decision is best for you.

1) Why am I considering leaving this relationship?

When things get tough, most everyone has had the thought roll through their minds at some time or another that maybe they might be better off without their partner. Although this question seems obvious, reflecting on it will shed light on how deep your pain is in this relationship.

2) What is the real reason you are considering leaving this relationship?

There's always a reason underneath what you say is the problem. This question is not to trivialize your answers to the first question but rather to ask you to delve deeper. For example, if Susie had been asked this question about her previous marriage, she would have answered the first question with - “We no longer have the same interests, the passion has gone out of the marriage and we seem to be leading separate lives.” After going deeper, she would have said, “I realize I will never get the love that I want in this relationship.”

3) What are the most important things you need to consider in order to make this decision?

You might want to consider housing for you and your children, financial concerns, health concerns, or other life circumstances. An example of this may be: “If I leave (or stay in) this relationship, I won't be able to attend college and that is an important goal of mine.”

4) How will the other people in my life be affected if I stay or leave and can I deal with that?

We never know how others will be affected when we make a decision of this magnitude. While we need to consider how this decision will impact them, the ultimate, conscious choice should be ours and ours alone.

5) If children are involved, will they be able to see a better example of love in action if you stay or if you leave?

Considering how staying in or leaving a relationship affects the children is usually a major consideration for anyone in this situation. We feel that this is an important question to answer to help you focus on the current and future welfare of your children.

6) Are there any commitments or agreements you will be breaking if you decide to leave this relationship and how do you feel about that?

A marriage commitment is an obvious example of this. Examining your beliefs, including religious beliefs, about commitments is an important consideration as you make your way to your decision.

7) How important is love to you compared to other things in your life?

We're asking you to look at your values when you answer this question. For example: If you are considering leaving, is having the love you want more important to you than keeping your current lifestyle or home?

8) Is there any chance the two of you will be able to heal the issues surrounding this relationship?

Ask yourself if both of you are willing to do what is necessary to break down the walls and heal what is happening between the two of you.

9) How have you changed since you entered into this relationship and how have your wants, needs, and desire for what you want in a relationship changed?

Taking an honest look at how you have changed will help you to see if your partner is the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with today.

10) What is the biggest payoff if you were to stay in this relationship and what is the payoff if you were to leave?

Honestly considering what you would be getting out of each of these scenarios will help you to determine what is right for you.