Mercy

My name is Mercy. I have now been single 5 1/2 years. I was from a Christian background, but always suffered from rejection issues. I craved attention from men. I already had a 2yr son. So, it was quite easy to be taken by a man professing interest in Christianity.

He claimed to be a good dad to his exes children. He loved my son. It wasn't until I was six months pregnant that I found out that he was still married to his ex. By then he was back into the drugs that he was supposedly clean from.

At first it was just the verbal abuse. Nobody would want me with 2 kids. I couldn't cook right, clean right, have sex right. I was raised messed up because I was a Christian. Normal people look at porn. Normal people get high, etc.

Then the physical abuse started around the time my youngest son was one. In an argument over who did laundry last, I got hit. I kicked him, it landed in a sensitive area (unintentionally) . Next thing I knew, I was on the floor.

His hands were wrapped around my throat. Afterwards he cried and begged my forgiveness. Usually he just hit or broke things. He threatened to choke me one other time because I told someone the truth. He threw things at me.

The marijuana use was sporadic. He couldn't keep a job. And then he'd spend our last three dollars on Taco Bell for him, while my son and I (while pregnant) had only tortillas with butter.

Looking back I strongly suspect other drugs. Staying up for 3 days, keeping the garage locked so that I couldn't get in. He had a baby monitor hidden under the couch so that he could listen to my conversations from the garage.

When I saw that my son was no longer the happy kid who loved everbody, and was afraid of the man he knew as dad I decided to leave. Then one day it happened. A situation where I suspected that I was going to get a beating after he got home from work.

I left and never went back. If he knows where I am, he has made no contact. I don't know where he is. I stayed unlisted for awhile. About a year ago, I finally felt the fear gone. I no longer worry about him stealing my son. I think he would have located us by now if he wanted to.

I will never try to get child support from him, because that would notify him where I was. He wouldn't hold a job long enough for me to get it anyway. I have found out many things about myself since leaving.

I am strong. I can cook. I can provide myself with a better life. I am going to school to be a midwife. Something that I wanted to do since before I met him.

I own my own home through Habitat for Humanity. I have friends, something I wasn't allowed before. I get to decorate my house. God has blessed me after my long, hard journey.