Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road!" And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

AGENT MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road.
I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road?
I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not Why did the chicken cross the road?
Rather, it is, Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

PLATO: For the greater good.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

ARISTOTLE: To actualize its potential.

BUDDHA: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

SALVADOR DALI: The Fish.

DARWIN: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

EMILY DICKINSON: Because it could not stop for death.

OZZY OSBOURNE: 'Cause it *@#!ING wanted to. That's the *@#!ING reason.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

MR. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

HENRY DAVID THOREAU: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

MARK TWAIN: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

THE GODFATHER: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

OTHELLO: Jealousy.

OSCAR WILDE: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

MACBETH: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

FREUD: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter) The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

HAMLET: That is not the question.

THE POPE: Bless the chicken, my child.

OPRAH WINFREY: He was reacting to a repressed traumatic caponisation in his childhood which he will now share with us in detail.

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD: Because he believed in the internal linkgreeninternal linklight, the orgiastic chicken-run that year by year recedes before us. It eluded him then, but that's no matter; tomorrow he will scurry faster, poke out his beak further, and one fine day....

AL GORE: Because I designed the internal linkInformation Superhighway so that all chickens, especially American ones, can cross under our benevolent supervision.

PAUL MCCARTNEY: (from the other side of the road) Yesterday.... all our chickens were so far away.

WILBUR AND ORVILLE WRIGHT:
As to why, it is hard to say. Yet after we saw that it couldn't internal linkfly, a thought occurred... If we could build a skid with a track going down the hill to the road, she just might make it across without touching the ground.

ISAAC NEWTON: For that one crossing, there is an equal and opposite crossing occurring simultaneously.

O.J. SIMPSON'S DEFENSE TEAM: one after the other:
Did you see the chicken cross the road? I didn't see the chicken cross the road. How can we be sure the chicken crossed the road? Just because the chicken was on this side for a time... and now is on the other side... is not adequate reason to be sure it crossed the road.

Dr. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

ROBERT FROST:
He crossed the road less traveled, and survived. That made all the difference.

ME: Don't make fun of the chicken! That poor chicken...

MY MOM: Don't worry about the chicken, just take care of the chicks!