When I Was Your Man

***To all the men out there, appreciate the strong woman you have. Don't ever take her for granted. :) I can only hope my ex may someday feel the way this song does. It may not be too late for you though...****

When I was Your Man Video by Bruno Mars

Never Give Up Hope

You'll Miss Me

Mortal Danger

From the book, "Mortal Danger," by Ann Rule:

The three-act "play" of each relationship might well have been written by the same author. 

The first act is all about romance and trust; it moves along so gently that the woman who will soon be captive never senses danger. 

The second act is a slow progression.  He cuts her off from her friends, her family, her job and her self-respect, until she finds herself dancing to whatever tuner her formerly perfect lover chooses to play.

The third act can end one of three ways:

1.) The emotionally imprisoned woman gives up and remains with the man who forbids her to leave him.

2.) She escapes from him but is left with a constant sense of someone silently stalking her.

3.) Their "love story" turns tragic, and she dies at his hand.

When a woman is entrenched in a sick relationship, it is difficult to escape. 

Ironically, it is quite often the weakest of men who stalk and capture.  An insightful friend of mine calls this the "tyranny of the weak."  Strong, confident men have no need to control.  Only those who are empty inside have to.  Or they cannot survive, themselves.

Survival Signs/Warnings That Might Save Your Life

From the book, "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker:

Be aware of signs that might put you in danger:

1.) Forced Teaming: "We" instead of "you."  Shared purpose or experience where none exists.

2.) Charm and Niceness: "He was so nice..."  Niceness does NOT equal goodness.

3.) Too Many Details:  Trying to convince you.  When people tell the truth, they don't feel doubted.

4.) Typecasting:  Labeling in a slightly critical way, so you feel compelled to prove them wrong ("You're not very friendly..." etc.)

5.) Loan Sharking:  Lending or offering help and expecting to collect on it.

6.) Unsolicited Promise:  A person promises something when he/she sees you aren't convinced.

7.) Discounting the Word "No:"  "No" should mean "no."

Definition of Stupid

Think About It

It Is Not Okay

You Are Not a Mistake

Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave

Leslie Morgan Steiner was in “crazy love” -- that is, madly in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life. Steiner tells the dark story of her relationship, correcting misconceptions many people hold about victims of domestic violence, and explaining how we can all help break the silence. (Filmed at TEDxRainier.)

 

Leslie Morgan Steiner is a writer and outspoken advocate for survivors of domestic violence -- which includes herself.

http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave.html

There Is Hope: Pass It On

This is a small facebook page my sister and I started.  There is hope, so pass it on!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/There-Is-Hope-Pass-It-On/269966449713045?ref=ts&fref=ts

HOPE

What It Takes To Be a Survivor

I always wondered: what makes some be survivors and some be victims?  There is a difference.  I think I've compiled a pretty good list of what I've discovered along the way: what it takes to be a survivor. I'd love to hear any other things you think I should add to the list.

What It Takes To Be a Survivor:

1.) A positive attitude.

2.) Optimism, even during pain, guilt and death.

3.) A spiritual relationship with an eternal Creator.

4.) Brief moments of inner reflection and solitude.

5.) A sense of humor and ability to laugh at oneself's situation and person.

6.) Hope in a better future, either in this life or the next.

7.) Inner freedom, even when in outer bondage.

8.) Imagination/Creativity.

9.) Psychological detachment when necessary.

10.) Steely resolve to never give up.

11.) Deep love of someone or something, a love greater than of self.

12.) Finding beauty in nature, art, poetry, and literature.

13.) Striving/Struggling for a worthwhile goal.

14.) Positive energy.

15.) Finding simple pleasures: a look, a sunset, etc.

16.) Being proactive.  Questioning what one does not understand.

17.) Curiosity and inquisitiveness, especially about what may happen next.  A sense of adventure.

18.) Belief in personal worth.  Confidence that you have something valuable and unique to offer the world, and knowing you deserve better than abuse or disrespect.

19.) ****The most important skill I've seen is the ability to recognize freedom of choice in response and in attitude.

Just remember, you CAN move from being a victim to being a survivor.  The choice is up to you.  Hopefully, this list will provide a good place to start. 

Strong Woman

Speaking Out

So I encourage others who have been abused to speak out and speak up.  Here is my latest public advocacy:

http://fox13now.com/2013/02/14/utah-shelters-face-significant-funding-loss/

I haven't posted in 5 years.  A lot has happened since then. I went back to school, and I get my Bachelor's degree in May of 2013.  I do a lot of public speaking about domestic violence.  One thing I've learned is that I am definitely not alone and abuse happens more than I knew.  I just want you to know, if you are out there reading this, you are not alone.  If you want me to restart posting on this blog, I will. Feedback, anyone?

I've Learned Alot!

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down may be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.
I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get further in life.
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned that no matter how fast or how far you go, you can't outrun God.
I've learned that no matter how far away I've been, He'll always welcome me back.
I've learned that love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.
I've learned that even if you do the right thing for the wrong reason, it's still the wrong thing to do.

The Whole World Stinks

Wise men and philosophers throughout the ages have disagreed on many things, but many are in unanimous agreement on one point: "We become what we think about." Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "A man is what he thinks about all day long." The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius put it this way: "A man's life is what his thoughts make of it." In the Bible we find: "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."

One Sunday afternoon, a cranky grandfather was visiting his family. As he lay down to take a nap, his grandson decided to have a little fun by putting Limburger cheese on Grandfather's mustache. Soon, grandpa awoke with a snort and charged out of the bedroom saying, "This room stinks." Through the house he went, finding every room smelling the same. Desperately he made his way outside only to find that "the whole world stinks!"

So it is when we fill our minds with negativism. Everything we experience and everybody we encounter will carry the scent we hold in our mind.

*********************************************************************************************

Complain! Complain! Complain!

It takes a disciplined spirit to endure the monastery on Mount Serat in Spain. One of the fundamental requirements of this religious order is that the young men must maintain silence. Opportunities to speak are scheduled once every two years, at which time they are allowed to speak only two words.

One young initiate in this religious order, who had completed his first two years of training, was invited by his superior to make his first two-word presentation. "Food terrible," he said. Two years later the invitation was once again extended. The young man used this forum to exclaim, "Bed lumpy." Arriving at his superior's office two years later he proclaimed, "I quit." The superior looked at this young monk and said, "You know, it doesn't surprise me a bit. All you've done since you arrived is complain, complain, complain."

Exaggerated? Maybe. What if you were asked to share two words that describe your Life? Would your focus be the lumps, bumps, and unfairness...or are you committed to dwell on those things that are good, right, and lovely?

God Can Use You

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk.

Abraham was too old.

Isaac was a daydreamer.

Jacob was a liar.

Leah was ugly.

Joseph was abused.

Moses had a stuttering problem.

Gideon was afraid.

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer.

Rahab was a prostitute.

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young.

David had an affair and was a murderer.

Elijah was suicidal.

Isaiah preached naked.

Jonah ran from God.

Naomi was a widow.

Job went bankrupt.

Peter denied Christ.

The Disciples fell asleep while praying.

Martha worried about everything.

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once.

Zaccheus was too small.

Paul was too religious.

Timothy had an ulcer.

... AND

Lazarus was dead!

Now! No more excuses!

God can use you to your full potential.

Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.

In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your full potential.

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's Me.

3. Growing old is inevitable.. . growing UP is optional.

4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.

6. Do the math... count your blessings.

7. Faith is the ability to not panic.

8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.

11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

12. The most important things in your house are the people.

13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

Have a great day!!! The SON is shining and he can certainly use you!

The Best Christmas Gift To You