When Heaven Seems Silent

-By Linda Evans Shepherd
(Excerpt from Grief Relief from Jubilant Press)

Scenes swirled through my memories: Eighteen-month-old Laura snuggled in her car seat — red taillights — damp pavement — my foot reaching for the brakes — my car skidding out-of-control — a thunderous explosion.

Then chilling silence.

Why… why isn't my baby crying?

I turned to the back seat. Only a gaping hole remained.

I frantically clawed through the wreckage searching for my baby. Finally, I found her — still strapped in her baby seat — alive, but barely. Our lives were forever changed.

One by one, 21 health care professionals told me: “We’re giving up on your daughter. We’re denying therapy services: they are only a waste of time.”
“Laura’s a vegetable.”
“There is no hope of recovery.”
“No hope.”

I couldn’t believe God would do this to my family and me. But apparently He had.

Almost two decades later, I can see that He has turned those terrible circumstances into good. And although my daughter is severely disabled, she is not in a vegetative state. She is aware and loved.

Am I totally over the grief I faced? The answer is no. I still grieve the lost dreams I had for my daughter.

At the same time, I have given my situation up — up to God. Giving it to God was the best solution. I have tried to carry it myself, but my burden was bigger than me, more than I could possibly manage.

Remember: God is the giver of all good gifts and a salvager of pain. He can use our tragedies for good. He says all things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His
purpose. (Rom 8:28)

But note: God does not do BAD THINGS to us so He can use them for His glory. But before God can turn our suffering into something good, we have to give the situation up to Him by repeatedly praying:
“I give my situation to You, God. Please take it from my shoulders and carry it for me.”

Does God want to carry our burdens? YES!

1 Peter 5:7 says: “Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.” TLB The New International Version puts it this way: “Cast all your anxiety
on Him because He cares for you.”

This means God wants you to cast, throw, toss, give your cares, worries, and burdens on Him.

At first I was too blinded by grief to see what God was up to. I felt forgotten. I peppered Him with pleading prayers and quoted Scriptures on faith to try to convince Him to heal my daughter. Yet the healing I
longed for failed to appear.

His response sounded like silence. I felt I rejected by heaven. All I could do was survive to face another day.

Then came the miracle. Even with her handicaps, Laura’s life has been a blessing beyond my wildest imagination, a blessing in more ways than I can relate here. He has indeed turned my broken child’s life into the miraculous.

Most of us are sheltered from truly tragic events. We do not see them up-close and personal everyday. But the truth is that real life is hard. Following God’s way does not usually lead to ease or easy living.
Why? Because THIS IS NOT HEAVEN! The day that the Bible promises all tears are wiped from our eyes has not arrived.

In the meantime, we struggle. We who search for meaning may never see a purpose to our suffering. And maybe that is the point! Maybe we are not supposed to understand. Instead, we are supposed to trust. Otherwise, we may follow God to get ‘benefits’ and totally miss the joy of a trusting relationship with Him.

Linda Evans Shepherd is the publisher of the Right to the Heart of Women e-zine, the President of Right to the Heart and a publisher at Jubilant Press, and the author of numerous books on spiritual growth. She can be contacted for comments or speaking engagements at LindaEvansShepherd.com