Winter

WINTER

by Rhoda


it's been a long, dark winter in my heart
a winter that i thought could never end.
the winter began when i was so young,
it seems like it is all i've ever known.

i don't remember if the winter came all at once,
or if it closed in on me one bruise,
one insult at a time.
the stabbing worlds, the rough hands, seemed to hurt less
from inside the coolness of detachment

inside of ice wall, i hid.
the years slipped by, one after another...
and another.
now the girl is gone and the woman must
choose to hide no longer.

but, oh, how the woman i am grieves the
lost child i was,
the forgotten dreams, the bold hopes.

i am looking forward to the spring,
there is a warmth drawing me, urging me,
to leave the winter, turn away
from the reason for the pain, the terrible cold.
look to the warmth of new hands,
pure eyes, honest caring.

can strength be a facade?
it feels like the strength to endure came
from the ice that grew within.
i feel fragile, vulnerable, hungry for love...
will i find it, will it come for me?

how long before it is spring in my heart,
without the lingering coolness of winter?
i want the spring to turn into warm summer nights,
sultry and passionate.
and most of all. i don't want to be alone,
or the summer will never come.

but there is beauty in spring.
and in spring i can blossom,
explore my essence, ready myself for summer.

so i will leave my winter,
alone.
and become stronger, heal my bruised heart.
i must become whole again,
only then
can i give myself wholly
to the man
that will bring my summer.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos and "Rhoda", Copyright© 2000.
www.drirene.com