I Am Good Enough

In an unconditional relationship you are loved for yourself. You may burn the dinner, scratch the car, put on weight, say something you may regret, but you remain lovable and loved. You are, quite simply, good enough.

In a conditional relationship, you learn the things that provoke the person whose love you crave. You become extraordinarily talented at keeping the 100 Laws of the acceptable behaviour.

There is a law for every possible situation and you make it your business not to infringe any one of them. You expend enormous emotional energy picking your way through the 100 Laws as carefully as you would a minefield. You may even congratulate yourself, briefly, on how well you are doing. And then, BANG, Law 101 - the one nobody told you about.

The thing is, there always will be another law, because the underlying principle is that you are being set up to mess up. This justifies the lawmaker taking his fury out on you. (That's how the lawmaker gets to feel good about himself.)

In the fairy tale, everything turned out happily ever after for Cinderella - allegedly - when the Prince rescued her. (Either that or she didn't care to admit publicly that she was a sucker for Charming's delightful public face.)

In the case of our 21st century Cinderella, well, she's coming around to the idea that a Rescuer is only an abuser on a white horse. Things will turn out happily for her once she starts to rescue herself.

The best way of doing that is replacing the 100 Laws with her own simplified Constitution, which reads: "I am good enough." Period.