Lighthouse or Bust

There was a captain of a ship that was sailing on a dark, pitch-black night. The captain suddenly noticed a bright light directly in front of him, and he knew that his ship was on a collision course with the light.
He rushed to the radio and sent an urgent message demanding the vessel change its course ten degrees east.

A few seconds later, he received a message in return. The message said, "Cannot do it. Change your course ten degrees west."

The captain got angry. He sent another message, "I am a navy captain. I demand you change your course."

He received a message back :" I am a seaman second class. I cannot do it. You change your course."

The captain was now furious ! He sent his final message " I am a battleship and I am not changing my course !"

He got this message back " I am a lighthouse. It's your choice, sir."

Heavenly Baseball

Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.
For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season.
They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening.
He died happy.

A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.
"Bob is that you?" Earl asked.
"Of course it's me," Bob replied.
"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well I have some good news and some bad news for you.
Which do you want to hear first?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven,Earl."

"Oh, that is wonderful!
So what could possibly be the bad news?"

"You're pitching tomorrow night."

My 5 New Boyfriends

I am seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed.

Then I go to see John.

Then Charlie Horse comes along,
and when he is here he takes a
lot of my time and attention.

When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis shows up
and stays the rest of the day.
He doesn't like to stay
in one place very long,
so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day,
I'm really tired and glad
to go to bed with Ben Gay.

What a life!

Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

The preacher came to call the other day.
He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him: "Oh, I do it all the time. No matter where I am in the parlour, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself: "Now, what am I here after?"

We're Off to See the Wizard!

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado
and off they whirled to the land of OZ.

They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard.

What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz??

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:
"I've come for some courage."

No Problem!" said the Wizard. "Who's next?"

Richard Nixon stepped forward,
"Well, I think I need a heart."

"Done!" says the Wizard.
Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz??

Up stepped Bush and said,
"I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."

"No problem," said the Wizard.
"Consider it done."

Then there is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around,
But he doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,

"Well, what do you want?"

"IS DOROTHY HERE?"

Wrong Way To Get A Date

Woman calling 911 to meet cop gets court date instead:


Associated Press

ALOHA, Ore. -- A woman who called 911 to get "the cutest cop I've seen" sent back to her home got a date all right — a court date.

The same sheriff's deputy arrested her on charges of misuse of the emergency dispatch system.

Washington County Sheriff's Sgt. David Thompson told KGW-TV of Portland it all started with a noise complaint called in last month by neighbors of Lorna Jeanne Dudash. The deputy sent to check on the complaint knocked on her door, then left.

Thompson said Dudash then called 911, asking that the "cutie pie" deputy return.

"He's the cutest cop I've seen in a long time. I just want to know his name," Dudash told the dispatcher. "Heck, it doesn't come very often a good man comes to your doorstep."

After listening to some more, followed by a bit of silence, the dispatcher asked again why Dudash needed the deputy to return.

"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.

"I know this is absolutely not in any way, shape or form an emergency, but if you would give the officer my phone number and ask him to come back, would you mind?"

The deputy returned, verified that there was no emergency and arrested her for misusing the 911 system, an offense punishable by a fine of up to several thousand dollars and a year in jail.

Thompson said Thursday it was the first case he knew of in which someone called the emergency line for such a personal reason.

"That's taking up valuable time from dispatchers who could be taking true emergency calls," he said.

Hebrew Wisdom

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book
where all of the sayings and preaching of
Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says:

"Be very careful if you make a woman
cry, because God counts her tears. The woman
came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be
walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but
from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be
protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

Being Who You Are in a "Fit In" World

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~E.E. Cummings, 1955

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. ~Raymond Hull

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another. ~William Shakespeare

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself. ~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another. ~James Matthew Barrie

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. ~Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem. ~David Carradine

A man who is "of sound mind" is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key. ~Paul Valéry, Mauvaises pensées et autres, 1942

The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune. ~Boris Pasternak

Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750

Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another. ~Homer

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone. ~Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people. ~Tom Masson

I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part. ~Shirley MacLaine

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel

I am much better employed from every point of view, when I live solely for my own satisfaction, than when I begin to worry about the world. The world frightens me, and a frightened man is no good for anything. ~George Gissing

No man can climb out beyond the limitations of his own character. ~John Morley

There is just one life for each of us: our own. ~Euripides

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.
~Benjamin Disraeli

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. ~Johann von Goethe

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ~Confucius

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you? ~Fanny Brice

Let Me Be Your Matchmaker

I've been looking long and hard,
trying to figure out which guys
to present for my matchmaking business...

I want one to represent my company
and I've finally narrowed it down
to these five candidates.

Let me know
which one you think is the best.

When God Waits

God is faithful to those who love him.

Is God not hearing you?

"Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!"
-Exodus 14:15 NLT

When God waits:

There are a lot of why questions that we lift up to God. Every day people are looking to heaven and crying out in frustration, "Lord, why aren't you doing something about this? Why is this happening to me?" We saturate the airwaves with the why questions of life.

I'm convinced that God has one answer for almost every one of those questions. He says, I'm just waiting on you.

When Moses and the Israelites stood on the edge of the Red Sea watching the Egyptian army close in on them, they cried out to God in fear. They began praying that God would somehow rescue them. And look what God said: "Tell the people to get moving!" (Exodus 14:15). To paraphrase, "I'm just waiting for you."

Too often we spend our days waiting for a miracle. When trouble comes, we cry out to God for help. When things don't move fast enough, we blame God for taking his time. And all the while God is saying to us, I haven't gone anywhere. I'm just waiting on you.

And what is it that God is waiting for? Often he is waiting for us to lay aside our own agenda and trust him.…Whenever God waits, he waits for a purpose.

And when we finally come to our senses and do the thing that we know he wants us to do, he moves with a vengeance. The Red Sea parts, and things start to happen.

From a devotional thought by Frank M. Martin in Embracing Eternity (Tyndale House) p 289)

Content is derived from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation and other publications of Tyndale Publishing House

A Fresh look At Psalm 23

Sometimes we can become so familiar with a passage of Scripture that we lose sight of the meaning. Read this familiar psalm from a new version and let it speak to you in a whole new way.

God, my shepherd!
I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows.
You find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
You let me catch my breath
And send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
When you walk by my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

You serve me a six-course dinner
Right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
My cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me
Every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
For the rest of my life.

-Psalm 23
The Message

He shall feed his flock like a shepherd;
He shall gather the lambs with His arm,
and shall gently lead those that are with young.
-Isaiah 40:11 KIV

Take The Average Man Far, Far Away

Maxine's View Of Average Dating/Love are funny. However, there are good men out there!

-There are easier things than meeting a good man. Nailing Jell-o to a tree, for instance.

-Dating is like rummaging for vending machine money in the bottom of your purse. After go through the change, you might forget what you thought you wanted.

-Love is like a roller coaster. When it's good, you don't want to get off. When it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.

-Honesty is the best policy, unless, of course, you're taking an ad out in a personal column.

-Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he won't be hanging around underfoot all weekend.

Maxine's Wisdom

-An apple a day keeps everyone away if your aim is good enough.

-Remember, when life hands you lemons...tuck 'em inside your bra.
Couldn't hurt! Might help...

-Age doesn't make us forgetful. Having way too many stupid things
to remember makes us forgetful.

-The difference between the IRS and loan sharks is that loan sharks
are much more lenient about late payments.

-Life is like an oven. It burns my buns.

-I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean
the mirrors as quickly as possible. I also want to finish before
any guests arrive.

-Fashion magazines are society's way of saying, "If you don't feel
inadequate already, read one of these!"

-I figure a jelly donut has fruit in it, and that makes it healthy.

-My soul's had enough chicken soup. It wants some chocolate.

-Know what tastes great on veggie burgers? Lettuce, tomato and beef.

-If not for stress, I'd have no energy at all.

-Sunsets, rainbows and baby chicks. Well, that's my "fuzzy crap quota"
for the day!

-Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down are the ones who got
you mad in the first place?

-Call me old or fat. Then call 911.

-Take every birthday with a grain off salt. This works much better if the salt
is accompanied by a large margarita.

-You can't always get what you want. Unless what you want is old and flabby.
Most everyone can nail those two.

-Never ask a lady her age. And don't ask me either.

-Smile, and the world smiles with you. Unless you've forgotten to put
your teeth in.

-Getting older? Well, no sense crying over spilled nutritional supplement.

-I think I'll start my own restaurant chain called "Crabby Cafe". My slogan
will be "Where the line between toasted and burnt is very thin."

-I'd pay just about anything for a telemarketer's home phone number.

-A good host must always be a stickler for attractive food presentation.
I always take the plastic off the TV dinner before serving.

-Don't get new wall-to-wall carpeting installed. It would be cheaper
to walk on ten-dollar bills.

-On your birthday, play a game called Pin the Cleanup On the Guests.

-When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all the place mats
match, or at the very least, that they all come from the same restaurant.

-The better you cook, the more likely your guests will return. Keep that
in mind when deciding what to cook.

-The best way to prepare a roast is to make an aluminum foil tent over
your roasting pan. Similarly, the best way to prepare for relatives is to
pitch a tent in the backyard and stay there until they leave.

-Last but not least, suck in your gut and tuck in your butt. Stand proud and
energetic. I want to see what you looked like 20 years ago.

Get In Shape Quick Plan

Here is my simple plan:

Step One - Get off your butt.

Step Two - Move your butt.

Step Three - Repeat*

*If that doesn't work, get used to the shape you have...
instead of trying to get into a new one.

Works for Me!

Small Change With Massive Results

"It is never too late to become what you might have been." - George Eliot

I believe that we all reach certain key points in our lives. We all reach crossroads where our lives hit a certain threshold of "pain" that we are no longer willing to settle for. This threshold is very different for every person. I also believe that if you are unhappy with anything in your life then that is a call to action; a desire from deep within the "real" you that wants to experience more of life.

This can be very challenging for a lot of people as they have this urge to improve their lives but they don't have an effective strategy. They then do the "logical" thing which is to work on the effects instead of the cause. Here is a simple thought process that will be a wake up call to you if you feel like you are spinning your wheels.

For my life to get better I have to get better. For things to change I have to change. I am mine. This is my life and I am the creator of my destiny.


I can change any and everything in my life by simply changing myself. This puts me in the driving seat of my life and makes my life my responsibility. It eliminates fear and apprehension for I know that no matter what life gives me I can always get to the next level and take the next step by simply making the internal shift in my own psychology.

I can stop looking for events, people and circumstances to blame. I only need to look inside. No matter how influential you are, you cannot control the circumstances and events of your life. There are only three things over which you have absolute and total control and these are all you need. It forms the total experience of life. My thoughts, my actions and my words are always under my conscious control. They are MY thoughts, they are MY actions and they are MY words AND they create MY world every minute of every day.

This is incredibly liberating. Whenever I want to have more, experience more or change anything, I need only look inwards and work on myself. Jim Rohn once said that the hardest work you will ever do is the work you do on yourself. See, you can run around and work incredibly hard at trying to influence and change circumstances, but that will only make you tired and discourage your future efforts. It's much easier to change yourself and your perception of yourself and your life. Nothing has any meaning except for the meaning you give it.

Changing external events have very little impact in your life on the long term. Small changes in you, in your perceptions and psychology might seem insignificant at first, but because the change is in you it affects all of your thoughts, all of your actions and all of your words. This seemingly insignificant change, over time changes the whole direction and end destination of your life. If a captain of a ship changes direction just one degree the end destination might be a different continent all together. Like the captain changing his course by one degree it might be unnoticeable over a short period of time, but over greater distances the small change becomes very significant.

Most people try and change the big things, they constantly try and change any and everything in their lives, but they then fail to maintain the change. Instead, making small consistent changes in yourself, in your own character you can create phenomenal results. All change starts and ends with you. If you are going to invest the time and effort to improve your life, then invest it in changing yourself. Invest your time and effort in improving "you" and let go of the superficial urges to control events and circumstances. Your whole perception and experience of life comes from you and who you are. Change yourself, improve your character and just watch the world improve and change before your very eyes.

-Deon Du Plessis

For Those With A Sense Of Humor

Funny Jokes for men, and women with a sense of humor:

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: "Lazy."

The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman:

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

A woman went to a doctor and said , "doctor, I have a problem. Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm." The doctor said, "oh really, what have you been doing for it?" The woman replied, "snorting pepper".

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?

Marriage changes passion................suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Tongue Twister:

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.

He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"

So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one."

The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too."
"I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''

Let's Swap Positions:

"Darling" says a husband coyly to his wife: "let's swap positions tonight". "What a good idea" she replies, "you stand in front of the ironing board, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart".

Understanding a Woman:

We need REALLY MEANS I want

You want REALLY MEANS You need

It's your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.

We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain

Do what you want REALLY MEANS You'll pay for this later.

You're ... so manly REALLY MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Sure... go ahead REALLY MEANS I don't want you to.

I'm not upset REALLY MEANS Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're certainly attentive tonight. REALLY MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! REALLY MEANS I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. REALLY MEANS I'm Embarrassed

This kitchen is so inconvenient REALLY MEANS I want a new house.

You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me.

Yes REALLY MEANS No

No REALLY MEANS No

Maybe REALLY MEANS No

I heard a noise REALLY MEANS I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? REALLY MEANS I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? REALLY MEANS I did something you're not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. REALLY MEANS Be patient I'll be a while.

Am I a little fat? REALLY MEANS Tell me I'm beautiful.

I'm sorry. REALLY MEANS You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? REALLY MEANS It's easy to fix, so get used to it.

Was that the baby? REALLY MEANS Why don't you wake up and deal with the baby.

I'm not yelling! REALLY MEANS Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All we're going to buy is a soap dish REALLY MEANS Major shopping trip. Did you bring your checkbook?

Why Beer Is Better Than Women:


* You can enjoy a beer all month long.
* Beer stains wash out.
* You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
* Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play ball.
* If your beer is flat, you can toss it out.
* Beer is never late.
* A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
* A hangover will go away.
* Beer labels come off without a fight.
* When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
* A beer never has a headache.
* A beer will never nag you.
* A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
* If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
* A beer always goes down easy.
* You can share a beer with friends.
* You always know if you're the first one to pop a beer.
* A beer is always wet.
* A beer doesn't demand equality.
* You can have a beer in public.
* A beer doesn't care what time you come home.
* A frigid beer is a good beer.
* You don't have to wash a beer for it to taste good.
* If you decide to change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.

The Rules:

The female always makes the rules.

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.

The female is never wrong.

If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

The female can change her mind at any given point in time for any reason.

The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

The female must not, under any circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

Any attempt by the male to document these rules could result in severe bodily harm.

If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void.

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

She's sitting at the table enjoying her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the front of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE:

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after bagging items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a TV remote in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE):

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

It's Just A Trick

God will guard you from the evil one:

How can I defend myself against Satan's attacks?

Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be to stand firm against all the strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:10-12 NLT

Tricking Houdini:

During his life, Harry Houdini had a standing challenge that he could escape from any jail cell within an hour. A small town in the British Isles had just constructed a new jail cell they thought was escape-proof, and they wanted to put it to the test. Houdini entered the cell and immediately went to work. After two grueling hours—an hour past his deadline—Houdini finally withdrew his file from the lock and leaned against the door in exhaustion. To his amazement, the cell door swung open.

The jailors had tricked the great magician by closing the jail door but never bolting the lock. He was free all along, he just didn't know it.

Satan has the same strategy, doesn't he? His greatest weapon is to make us think that we are trapped, when in reality the cell door is always open. Satan can't bind us, so he tricks us into making us believe the cell door is locked.

Adapted from a devotional by Frank Martin in Embracing Eternity (Tyndale House) p 292

A Place For Shame

Written and published by: Annie Kaszina
Women's Self-Discovery Coach
www.joyfulcoaching.com

Last week I was talking with a bright, funny, professional woman who faced a personal dilemma. She was paralysed by shame.

She wasn't in a monumentally awful relationship, but it was bad enough to erode her sense of self. She had her reasons for not leaving for a while yet.

Now, while I would like to see every woman leave an abusive relationship yesterday, I will not judge them. It's not for anyone outside the relationship to judge, least of all me. (I stayed so long in my marriage I got a couple of long service medals.) Still, I do care passionately about their life, their safety and their health.

This woman was ashamed to admit publicly that the relationship was bad because she was still in it.

Now this brings up all sorts of paradoxes in our society. We're very good at telling other people to 'put up or shut up', yet we tend to voice at least some of our complaints relentlessly. And last Saturday the world was exposed to the edifying spectacle of the England football team weeping shamelessly like 6 year olds because they had lost the match and fallen out of the World Cup... It was - for me at least, crabby person that I am - an extraordinary example of the self-indulgence that characterizes society...

Far from being ashamed to show the world their weepy side, our gallant footballers expected to meet with understanding and sympathy. Theirs was a burden for the nation to shoulder with them.

The woman I was speaking to felt obliged to shoulder her burden alone. She had learned to live around the difficult situation in her personal life. I can remember doing that. I remember, too, how hollow it left my life. It wasn't just the Bee Gees who had a 'hole in their soul'.

I believe there is a place for shame; it relates to wrongdoing, the things that we do that harm another person or society.

I do not believe that shame ever attaches to someone who lives with an abusive partner. What need can you possibly have to punish yourself when your partner is already doing it so effectively for you?

We all make the best decisions we can at the time, for the best reasons we have at the time. Whatever decision we make requires tremendous courage. There are no easy options in an abusive relationship. The question is: how can you best protect yourself from further psychological damage?

There is no place for shame in abuse recovery. Whenever you feel shame know that that is the abuser's burden you are shouldering, and embrace the feelings that lie beneath the stranglehold of shame. What you fight will persist, what you embrace will pass.

There may be immense sadness to being where you are - that's perfectly normal. Without the anchor of shame to keep it in place, it will pass much faster than you probably believe.

How Could Mental Abuse Have Happened To Me?

Written and published by: Annie Kaszina
Women's Self-Discovery Coach
www.joyfulcoaching.com

1. 10 things they don't tell you...

This month one of my readers fielded the question: "How could mental abuse have happened to me?"

She went on to say that she is a successful, professional woman - as if professional achievements should be enough to ward off abusers, in the same way that garlic and crosses apparently stop Dracula in his tracks. (And, yes, as mentioned before in this ezine, there is a strong similarity between abusive men and Dracula in that both will bleed you dry, given half a chance.)

It happened to her, as it happens to so many women, for many reasons, some of which I've outlined below. It happens chiefly because given the lack of readily available information, you only find out the hard way.

#1 'They' never told you, because they didn't know. It is the degree of widespread ignorance in our society about mental abuse that allows it to go on happening. Not only do they not know, but they don't have an inkling that they don't know.

So they think that their view of the world is true and accurate and they perpetrate this view of the world in which if these things happen at all, they happen to poor sad people who live very different lives to their own - and somehow bring it on themselves by belonging to that group.

Isn't it wonderful how they only see the things that fit with their beliefs? Sadly, we do that one too, which is why it takes us a while to recognise that our hero is mentally abusive and then get out...

#2 Mental abuse is a great leveller. Whether you live in a palace or a slum you are equally susceptible. I can think of all kinds of high profile, hugely talented, successful women whose personal life has been ravaged by mental abuse, and often physical domestic violence also.

We may use our achievements, or our looks, or anything else we choose to compensate for a sense of worthlessness, but the truth is it is no protection. It certainly isn't an effective radar system that will give advanced warning of potential aggressors entering our orbit.

#3 You're not alone. Mental abuse happens to huge numbers of women. About 1 in 4 actually, at some point in their life. But a lot either remain in denial or feel so ashamed they won't openly admit to it.

#4 Love may well not be enough - especially when it is either one sided (your side) or associated with a patchy, or non-existent regard for your well being (his side).

You are entitled to love someone however vile their behaviour towards you. It doesn't mean you should tolerate the behaviour. And you would also be advised to write down a list of exactly what it is that you love about them.

#5 Nasty behaviours are not blips or aberrations. They are clear indications of a nasty side to his temperament. Yes, maybe we have all been there trying to work out, approximately, what percentage of a partner is nasty and what percentage is nice. But does this really make sense? When we do this, we are already heavily into denial and likely to be wildly inaccurate.

It puts me in mind of a client of mine who came to me years ago in tears because she had to re-home a much loved Alsatian. The dog had twice moved to attack her young son for no reason. She saw the pattern and wasn't prepared to take any more chances.

Women, on average, will endure 35 violent assaults by their partner before they leave. Sure, it is much harder for a woman to leave a violent partner than it is to re-home a dog, but the other side of the coin is the astonishing degree to which women will deny or minimise the threats to their health and safety.

If in the first flush of romance he is 'different - ie nicer - with you than he is with other people, know that with familiarity you will become 'other people' and be treated accordingly.

#6 Relationships don't have to be like a poorly organised bungee jump. If you commit to a relationship hoping it will turn out alright, but not knowing how or why it should, it most probably won't. "Forever" is a difficult part of a relationship to get right. It needs serious consideration.

#7 You are not Florence Nightingale. You are looking for a life partner and an equal, not a poor wounded soldier. Your life does not have to be the Crimea. Equally, there is no point in being either Mother Teresa or Wendy. Self-sacrifice and/or Peter Pan can be very draining over the longer term.

#8 The more clearly you visualise the kind of relationship and partner you truly want, the closer you are likely to get to achieving it.

#9 Compromise snowballs. If you are prepared to settle for less, you will surely get it. Increasingly so. Bad relationships have their own momentum. You need to factor that into how you think the relationship will be 1, 5 and 10 years down the line.

#10 Whatever has happened to you and whatever he has said to you, it doesn't make you a fool, or worthless. You're just a woman who has stayed too long - whether that is months, years or decades.

What's happened, has happened. What's important is that you can move forward into a fulfilling, joyful future. And you can use that learning curve to protect yourself, your family and friends in the future. While I believe that nobody should have to go through it, I believe that all of us who have been there can work to expose the blindness and ignorance that allows mental abuse to thrive.

God Uses Regular People

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in
traffic on Colorado Blvd, and the car started to choke and splutter and
die - I barely managed to coast, cruising into a gas station, glad only
that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm
spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could
make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the "quickie mart"
building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump,
so I got out to see if she was okay.

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs
than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really
haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped
her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying
woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1
in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just
kept saying "I don't want my kids to see me crying," so we stood on the
other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to
California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, "And
you were praying?" That made her back away from me a little, but I
assured her I was not a crazy person and said, "He heard you, and He sent
me."

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the
pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling,
walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some
gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to
the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the
pump eating fries and talking a little.

She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City . Her
boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She
knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan 1, and finally in
desperation had finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in
about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with
them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car She told the kids
they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were
going to live there.

I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her
for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So,
are you like an angel or something?"

This definitely made me cry. I said, "Sweetie, at this time of year
angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people."

It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of
course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and
got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check,
but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong.

Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the
flutter of their wings...

Psalms 55:22 "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain
thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."

"Father, I ask You to bless my children, friends, relatives and
those suffering right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and
power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very
moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there
is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus'
precious name. Amen."

When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus, could You
please get that for me?"

Single Parent Advice

One of every four American children today lives in a single-parent home. And though the circumstances may vary (some parents are divorced, others are widowed, and others are single parents by choice), the reality is that solo parenting is often stressful, demanding, and hectic. If you are a single mom or dad, there are 10 things you can do to help minimize the stress in your life -- and bring back the joy of parenting.

1. Get a handle on finances. Raising a family on one income, or relying on an ex-spouse for child support, can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting alone. That's why it's important to take steps to budget your money, learn about long-term investments, plan for college and retirement, and, if possible, enhance your earning power by going back to school or getting additional job training.

2. Set up a support system. All single parents need help -- whether it's someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it's tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You could join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.

3. Maintain a daily routine. Try to schedule meals, chores, bedtimes, and other family functions at regular hours so that your child knows exactly what to expect each day. A consistent routine will help your child feel more secure and help you feel more organized.

4. Be consistent with discipline. Children thrive when they know which behaviors are expected of them and which rules they need to follow. If you are divorced or separated, work with your spouse to create and observe consistent rules and methods of discipline (there's nothing more stressful than having one parent undermine the other). If your child has other caregivers, talk to them about how you expect your child to be disciplined.

5. Answer questions honestly. Inevitably, questions will come up about the changes in your family, or about the absence of one parent. Answer your child's questions in an open, honest, and age-appropriate way. Make sure that your child gets the help and support he needs to deal with difficult emotions.

6. Treat kids like kids. With the absence of a partner, it's sometimes tempting to rely too heavily on children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But children have neither the emotional capacity nor the life experience to act as substitute adult partners. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, or expressing your frustrations to them too often, seek out adult friends and family members to talk to. Or seek counseling if necessary.

7. Abolish the word "guilt" from your vocabulary. It's always easy for single parents to feel guilty about the time they don't have or the things they can't do or provide for their children. But for your own sense of well-being, it's better to focus on all the things you do accomplish on a daily basis and on all the things you do provide -- and don't forget about all the love, attention, and comfort you're responsible for! (If you ever question your day-to-day achievements, just make a list.) If you're feeling guilty about a divorce or other disruption in your home life, think about joining a support group for other divorced parents. Focus on helping your child (and yourself) get the help you need.

8. Take time for your children. Even though the piles of laundry and dirty dishes may beckon, set aside time each day to enjoy your kids. (After all, isn't that what parenting is all about?) Spend quiet time playing, reading, going for a walk, or simply listening to music together. And most important, focus on the love between you and on your relationship as a family.

9. Take time for yourself. Likewise, it's important to schedule time for yourself. Even if it's something as simple as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or having a chat with a friend, setting aside a little personal time will give you a chance to refuel.

10. Stay positive. It's easy to become overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and demands of single parenthood. On top of that, you may be experiencing the pain of divorce or the death of a spouse. Despite all of your own feelings, though, it's important to maintain a positive attitude, since your children are affected by your moods. The best way to deal with stress is to exercise regularly, maintain a proper diet, get enough rest, and seek balance in your life. If you're feeling sad, it's okay to share some of your sentiments with your children, but let them know that they are not the cause of the problems -- and that good times lie ahead for all of you.

For More Help:

The following resources can provide additional information and support.

CompleteMom.com (www.completemom.com) Created by author Sheila Ellison (The Courage to Be a Single Mother and The Courage to Love Again), this Web site offers a wealth of parenting information and helps women find or create single-mother support groups in their area.

Parents Without Partners (www.parentswithoutpartners.org) Established in 1957, this nonprofit organization -- with more than 50,000 members in the U.S. and Canada -- offers educational, family, and social activities through its local chapters. Its Web site provides links to organizations, resources, research, and articles of interest to single parents.

Single Mothers by Choice (www.singlemothersbychoice.com) Founded in 1981 by Jane Mattes, a psychotherapist and single mother by choice, SMC offers support and information to women who are considering or who have chosen single motherhood, either through conception or adoption.

Women's Institute for Financial Education (www.wife.org) This nonprofit organization helps women learn to manage their money, invest and save wisely, plan for college and retirement, become "fiscally fit," and more.

When we think about having children, most of us picture a family with two parents. However, for many people, the reality is that they are the only parent. Although raising a child as a single parent can be challenging, it can also be rewarding. This article offers tips to help single parents raise healthy, happy kids—and stay sane.

Finding Help:

You may be a single parent, but you are not alone. Look around you—your family and friends can help. Let them. If you don't have family members or friends nearby, look for a support group for single parents. You'll meet others who are in similar situations, share feelings and get advice.

Balancing a Busy Life:

The life of a single parent can be very busy. You may be juggling work, school and home in addition to parenting. It’s important to find a way to balance all of the parts of your life. Here are some tips:

* Accept help. When friends and family offer their help, be sure to take it! This can mean having someone play with your child while you run errands, or having someone to call when you need to talk.

* Take advantage of local resources. Many communities offer play groups, after-school activities and parenting classes. These can give you and your child a chance to have fun, learn and make new friends. You can ask a nurse or social worker in the hospital for some recommendations.

* If you don’t get enough time with your child, look for creative solutions. Ask if your job lets you work flexible hours, for example.

* Don’t forget fun. Take a break from your busy routine to plan something special for you and your child. Take a trip to the zoo or go to a movie.

* Make time for yourself. You need a chance to relax once in a while, too! It can be as simple as taking 15 minutes to look at a magazine when your child is in bed.

Providing Role Models:

Children benefit from good role models—adults who set an example of how to behave—of both sexes. So look for family or friends of the opposite sex to be role models for your child. Invite a positive and responsible family member or friend to spend time with your child. If you don't have a family member or friend available, groups like Big Brothers Big Sisters can help. Check your phone book for programs in your area.

If It's Too Much:

Parenting is hard work. All parents have times when they get angry or frustrated. But don't take out your feelings on your child. If you are worried that you might hurt your child, get help right away. Call the Childhelp USA 24-hour hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).