My Story

I grew up in Bible Temple. I loved every part of it. My dream was to be a pastor's wife, a mother, a housewife. I wanted to serve God ever since I was 4 years old.

Then my parents split up. I was no longer fit for ministry because I had a damaged family. My friends were still my friends but back then we all knew divorce meant the end for the children as well.

We left Bible Temple in embarassment. I felt alone and lost. So when I met a man who seemed to be everything I wanted and who seemed to agree with everything I wanted, I got married with the intention of never getting a divorce and of serving God my whole life.

It didn't turn out that way. You can read my story by clicking on the title My Story above.

I want to serve God still with all my heart. I think about how unfair life is sometimes. I didn't cause my parent's divorce and I saved myself for marriage. I only desired to serve God. But because of circumstances beyond my control and because of the view the church and Christians have on divorce and "broken people", I have learned very hard lessons in life about intolerance and unacceptance by the people I most desire to be around; those who love God as much as I do.

To my mind, my ex is right. He said no Christian man would want me if I divorced him. To this day, when I tell Christians I'm divorced, I'm treated like a leper. They'll be friendly but not get too close.

But to God, these are lies the devil is telling me. He wants me even though no man ever has loved me and though sometimes I feel maybe no one man ever will. He is my true Prince Charming.

In my heartache, I wrote a poem called The Bleeding Rose:

I am a sweet and fragrant rose.
Innocent and pure...
Loving life and open to love.

What is this? What is he doing?
My petals are being torn.
I am bleeding.
Watch me bleed.

Bright red drops fall.
I am no longer trusting.
I am scared and cautious.

Here comes the rain.
Gently falling and caressing my brokenness,
It washes away the blood
And cleans the wounds.

Now here I am,
My petals have grown back.
They are more beautiful than ever.

I wait patiently,
Strong and confident and standing proud.
I'm waiting for the one who will cherish me.
The one who is loving life and open to love.

And you know what?

I now believe:

I've waited patiently,
Strong and confident and standing proud.
I've found the one who cherishes me,
The one who gave me life and is open to love.

My Jesus.

So, I started this blog.

And someday I will be a missionary or a pastor's wife who teaches God's true love to all, especially to someone like me.