***To all the men out there, appreciate the strong woman you have. Don't ever take her for granted. :) I can only hope my ex may someday feel the way this song does. It may not be too late for you though...****
When I was Your Man Video by Bruno Mars
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Sunday, April 07, 2013
Mortal Danger
From the book, "Mortal Danger," by Ann Rule:
The three-act "play" of each relationship might well have been written by the same author.
The first act is all about romance and trust; it moves along so gently that the woman who will soon be captive never senses danger.
The second act is a slow progression. He cuts her off from her friends, her family, her job and her self-respect, until she finds herself dancing to whatever tuner her formerly perfect lover chooses to play.
The third act can end one of three ways:
1.) The emotionally imprisoned woman gives up and remains with the man who forbids her to leave him.
2.) She escapes from him but is left with a constant sense of someone silently stalking her.
3.) Their "love story" turns tragic, and she dies at his hand.
When a woman is entrenched in a sick relationship, it is difficult to escape.
Ironically, it is quite often the weakest of men who stalk and capture. An insightful friend of mine calls this the "tyranny of the weak." Strong, confident men have no need to control. Only those who are empty inside have to. Or they cannot survive, themselves.
The three-act "play" of each relationship might well have been written by the same author.
The first act is all about romance and trust; it moves along so gently that the woman who will soon be captive never senses danger.
The second act is a slow progression. He cuts her off from her friends, her family, her job and her self-respect, until she finds herself dancing to whatever tuner her formerly perfect lover chooses to play.
The third act can end one of three ways:
1.) The emotionally imprisoned woman gives up and remains with the man who forbids her to leave him.
2.) She escapes from him but is left with a constant sense of someone silently stalking her.
3.) Their "love story" turns tragic, and she dies at his hand.
When a woman is entrenched in a sick relationship, it is difficult to escape.
Ironically, it is quite often the weakest of men who stalk and capture. An insightful friend of mine calls this the "tyranny of the weak." Strong, confident men have no need to control. Only those who are empty inside have to. Or they cannot survive, themselves.
Survival Signs/Warnings That Might Save Your Life
From the book, "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker:
Be aware of signs that might put you in danger:
1.) Forced Teaming: "We" instead of "you." Shared purpose or experience where none exists.
2.) Charm and Niceness: "He was so nice..." Niceness does NOT equal goodness.
3.) Too Many Details: Trying to convince you. When people tell the truth, they don't feel doubted.
4.) Typecasting: Labeling in a slightly critical way, so you feel compelled to prove them wrong ("You're not very friendly..." etc.)
5.) Loan Sharking: Lending or offering help and expecting to collect on it.
6.) Unsolicited Promise: A person promises something when he/she sees you aren't convinced.
7.) Discounting the Word "No:" "No" should mean "no."
Be aware of signs that might put you in danger:
1.) Forced Teaming: "We" instead of "you." Shared purpose or experience where none exists.
2.) Charm and Niceness: "He was so nice..." Niceness does NOT equal goodness.
3.) Too Many Details: Trying to convince you. When people tell the truth, they don't feel doubted.
4.) Typecasting: Labeling in a slightly critical way, so you feel compelled to prove them wrong ("You're not very friendly..." etc.)
5.) Loan Sharking: Lending or offering help and expecting to collect on it.
6.) Unsolicited Promise: A person promises something when he/she sees you aren't convinced.
7.) Discounting the Word "No:" "No" should mean "no."
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave
Leslie Morgan Steiner was in “crazy love” -- that is, madly in
love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life.
Steiner tells the dark story of her relationship, correcting
misconceptions many people hold about victims of domestic violence, and
explaining how we can all help break the silence. (Filmed at TEDxRainier.)
http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave.html
There Is Hope: Pass It On
This is a small facebook page my sister and I started. There is hope, so pass it on!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/There-Is-Hope-Pass-It-On/269966449713045?ref=ts&fref=ts
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
What It Takes To Be a Survivor
I always wondered: what makes some be survivors and some be victims? There is a difference. I think I've compiled a pretty good list of what I've discovered along the way: what it takes to be a survivor. I'd love to hear any other things you think I should add to the list.
What It Takes To Be a Survivor:
1.) A positive attitude.
2.) Optimism, even during pain, guilt and death.
3.) A spiritual relationship with an eternal Creator.
4.) Brief moments of inner reflection and solitude.
5.) A sense of humor and ability to laugh at oneself's situation and person.
6.) Hope in a better future, either in this life or the next.
7.) Inner freedom, even when in outer bondage.
8.) Imagination/Creativity.
9.) Psychological detachment when necessary.
10.) Steely resolve to never give up.
11.) Deep love of someone or something, a love greater than of self.
12.) Finding beauty in nature, art, poetry, and literature.
13.) Striving/Struggling for a worthwhile goal.
14.) Positive energy.
15.) Finding simple pleasures: a look, a sunset, etc.
16.) Being proactive. Questioning what one does not understand.
17.) Curiosity and inquisitiveness, especially about what may happen next. A sense of adventure.
18.) Belief in personal worth. Confidence that you have something valuable and unique to offer the world, and knowing you deserve better than abuse or disrespect.
19.) ****The most important skill I've seen is the ability to recognize freedom of choice in response and in attitude.
Just remember, you CAN move from being a victim to being a survivor. The choice is up to you. Hopefully, this list will provide a good place to start.
What It Takes To Be a Survivor:
1.) A positive attitude.
2.) Optimism, even during pain, guilt and death.
3.) A spiritual relationship with an eternal Creator.
4.) Brief moments of inner reflection and solitude.
5.) A sense of humor and ability to laugh at oneself's situation and person.
6.) Hope in a better future, either in this life or the next.
7.) Inner freedom, even when in outer bondage.
8.) Imagination/Creativity.
9.) Psychological detachment when necessary.
10.) Steely resolve to never give up.
11.) Deep love of someone or something, a love greater than of self.
12.) Finding beauty in nature, art, poetry, and literature.
13.) Striving/Struggling for a worthwhile goal.
14.) Positive energy.
15.) Finding simple pleasures: a look, a sunset, etc.
16.) Being proactive. Questioning what one does not understand.
17.) Curiosity and inquisitiveness, especially about what may happen next. A sense of adventure.
18.) Belief in personal worth. Confidence that you have something valuable and unique to offer the world, and knowing you deserve better than abuse or disrespect.
19.) ****The most important skill I've seen is the ability to recognize freedom of choice in response and in attitude.
Just remember, you CAN move from being a victim to being a survivor. The choice is up to you. Hopefully, this list will provide a good place to start.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Speaking Out
So I encourage others who have been abused to speak out and speak up. Here is my latest public advocacy:
http://fox13now.com/2013/02/14/utah-shelters-face-significant-funding-loss/
http://fox13now.com/2013/02/14/utah-shelters-face-significant-funding-loss/
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