My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer
of my sister's bureau and lifted out
a tissue-wrapped package.
"This," he said,"is not a slip. This is lingerie."
He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip.
It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed
with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an
astronomical figure,on it was still attached.
"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York,
at least 8 or 9 years ago.She never wore it.
She was saving it for a special occasion.
Well, I guess this is the occasion."
He took the slip from me and put it on the bed
with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician.
His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment,
then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me.
"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion.
Every day you're alive is a special occasion."
I remembered those words through the funeral and
the days that followed when I helped him and my niece
attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death.
I thought about them on the plane returning to California
from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives.
I thought about all the things that she hadn't
seen or heard or done.
I thought about the things that she had done
without realizing that they were special.
I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life.
I'm reading more and dusting less.
I'm sitting on the deck
and admiring the view without fussing about
the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with
my family and friends, and less time in committee meetings.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of
experience to savor, not endure.
I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for
every special event-such as losing a pound,
getting the sink unstopped, the first Camellia blossom.
I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it.
My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49
for one small bag of groceries without winching.
I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties.
Clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks
have noses that function as well as my party-going friends'.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my
vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to
see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister
would have done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the
tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family
members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former
friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.
I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner,
her favorite food. I'm guessing-
I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make
me angry if I knew that my hours were limited.
Angry because I put off seeing good Friends whom
I was going to get in touch with-someday.
Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended
to write-one of these days.
Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter
often enough how much I truly love them.
I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save
anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes,
I tell myself that it is special.
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is...a gift from God.
You've got to dance like nobody's watching,
and love like it's never going to hurt.
People say true friends must always hold hands,
but true friends don't need to hold hands
because they know the other hand will
always be there.
-Anne Wells
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